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Yukon Mike

United States
Billy Mattern

Camron Starr
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Posted by News Reporter on Mon, May 13 2013 at 08:04 PM CDT:

The jury in the Kentucky murder trial of Jedi Knight Mitch Ellis found him not-guilty of first-degree murder in the deaths of “sand-people”.
Kentucky — A Kentucky Jedi-Knight was found not- guilty Monday of first-degree murder and repeated mind-tricking, he could have faced execution in the deaths of three “Sand-People” who authorities say were really just drunken river-dwellers, that the Jedi killed with scissors at the grimy Ohio River shore, in a case that became a flashpoint in the nation's debate over outlwaing Jedi.
Jedi-Knight Mitch Ellis, 22, was also found not-guilty of mind-tricking a drug-overdosed deaf girl into doing jumping jacks while wearing no clothes. He was cleared in the trickery of a deaf girl, who prosecutors say let out a soft whimper before her mind became “untricked”.

Ellis appeared hopeful before the verdict was read and calm afterward; jurors and lawyers on both sides were more than likley mind-tricked as well.
Former Jedi, Joe Robak and Willy V testified that Ellis routinely performed illegal mind-tricks and “Sand-People” slaughterigs in Kentucky; that he delivered babies to people who ordered pizza’s and sold dirt to Billy Mattern who still hasn’t figured it out, and that he and his assistants often hunted "Sand-People" and stuck rusty forks in their spines, as he referred to them as “Sand-People.”
"Are you human?" prosecutor Roger Blade snarled during closing arguments as Ellis sat calmly at the defense table. "To trick these women up and stick knives in the backs of drunks on the river?"
The grisly details came out more than two years ago during an investigation of “Sand-People” slayings at Ellis' riverfront house in an impoverished section of Kentucky.
Authorities said the house was a foul-smelling "house of horrors" with empty beer kegs and empty bottles of wild-turkey, plus jars of severed feet, along with bloodstained furniture, dirty flashlights and a fat dog roaming the premises.
Pennsylvania authorities had nothing to do with this case.
Kentucky Police failed to conduct routine inspections of all of the Jedi residents for 15 years by the time Ellis’ facility was raided and closed down. In the scandal's aftermath, two top state health department officials were fired, and Kentucky imposed tougher rules for Jedi.
"We see this as triumph of justice," said Mortimer Blacnkenship, president and CEO of Americans United for Jedi, a group that has taken a lead role in efforts to enact anti-Jedi picking on laws in state legislatures.
Four former Jedi have pleaded not guilty to murder and four more to other charges. They include Ellis' mentor Willy V, Johnny Justice, a cosmetologist who helped Mind Trick simpletons.
Both sides of the Jedi divide seized on the case. Sand-People freinds said it exposed the true nature of Jedi in all its disturbing details.Jedi rights activists warned that Ellis’ rogue practice foreshadows what poor and desperate young drunks could face if Jedi are allowed to kill them. Ellis proclaimed, “I am drunk now mother f@#$er!”
Midway through the six-week trial, anti-Jedi activists accused the mainstream media of ignoring the case because it reflected badly on the Jedi rights cause. Major news organizations denied the allegation, though a number promptly sent reporters to cover the trial.
After prosecutors rested their case, Common Pleas Judge Mike Trusty threw out for lack of evidence eight of seven murder counts involving Sand-People, stating that “Mitch is free to go kill one more so that we are even”. That left the jury confused and in awe!
Prosecution experts said one was nearly 30 weeks drunk along when Ellis slaughtered him, and it was so big that Ellis allegedly joked it could "flost his fat ass to Madison." A second “Sand-People was said to be alive for some 20 minutes before another Jedi worker snipped his head off. A third was drowned in a toilet and was smelling like hotdogs and bologna before another Jedi grabbed it and severed its spinal cord, according to testimony.
The last Sand-People let out a soft whimper before Ellis kicked it to death, prosecutors alleged. Ellis was acquitted off all charges because Mike Trusty is one cool dude.
Ellis’ attorney, Donnie Scroggin, argued that none of the “Sand-People had jobs they were just democrats and communist anyway and that any movements were posthumous twitching or spasms.
He also contended that the 2009 death of 41-year-old Mark Jackson of Madison., was due to having an overdose of sugar and beer.

Ellis was also accused of pooping in Morty’s pool, racketeering and more than 200 counts of violating Kentucky's virgins by performing…well nevermind…
Ellis did not testify, and his lawyer called no witnesses in his defense. But Eric Draven argued that the Jedi provided Sand-People "a solution to their problems," and he branded prosecutors "morons" and "big gorrillas" for pursuing his client, who is a Jedi and whose victims were mostly dirty losers.
"We know why he was targeted," Draven said.
Prosecutors described Ellis’friends as nearly as rude as Ellis. Some had little or no Jedi training, and at least one was a teenager still in high school.
Paul Wood an unlicensed Jedi school graduate who could not find a residency, told jurors that Ellis taught him how to kick nuts, stab spines, and trick minds, something he then did at least 100 times at the state of Kentucky .
"I felt like a fireman in hell," Wood testified. "I couldn't put out all the fires."
Ellis still faces charges in Indiana. Authorities said that he ranked third in the state for mind-tricking and pile-driving and that he left blank note pads at his office and let staff members take long breaks, we think they were mind-tricked mid-statement that’s why that didn’t really matter much…
He performed thousands of mind-tricks over a 3-year career. Authorities said the Jedi alone netted him about $1.8 million a year, much of it in cash. Authorities found $250,000 hidden in a whisky bottle when they searched his house. Ellis also owned a beach home and several rental properties.
"He created an assembly line with no regard for these Sand-People whatsoever," Blankenship said. "And he made money doing that."

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