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The facts

Posted by Reporter on Fri, Mar 29 2013 at 08:43 PM CDT:

Now we have learned that spandex covered, drama-emitting Roger Blade,was hiding under a table while clubbing in Brazil. If only we could find something surprising about this story. According to eyewitness accounts, the rehab-bound, slow-motion train wreck ended up on a dirty nightclub floor on Thursday because he didn't want to pose with fellow revelers. He also apparently left the São Paulo hot spot bleeding because he sat on broken glass.

Roger was in Brazil to promote a line of shades, a deal that E! reports will add $9.83 to his empty coffers. To earn the cash, he's required to do three days of promotion, including store and party appearances. With so much press lined up, he should probably brace himself for questions about making off with jewelry and wardrobe items from the Dressingroom of Tim The Baker's "Dirty South Playas" Team earlier this week.

TMZ says Roger admitted to friends that he took home "two bracelets, a necklace, sunglasses, a pair of shoes, gold earrings, a silk bathrobe, lingerie and a dirty jack-strap." But he insists nothing was stolen, and that "he had a deal with Morty saying he could take all the stuff he wanted, and they'd just deduct it from his salary." He used a similar excuse overan unpaid hotel bill during filming of "Rog & Dick."

Roger apparently won't return anything, "because as far as he's concerned, he paid for it."

But AWA insiders contend that Blade nabbed the items from the dressing room before discussing it with anyone, and he refused to write a check when asked. (Side note: Who'd take Roger's check?) At that point, the Baker didn't want to "become a cop and block Roger from leaving the show," so he reportedly told him the cost of "all missing items" would be taken from his paycheck.

Roger, of course, is no stranger to sticky-fingered allegations, from purportedly walking off with a candy store's candy necklace to commandeering one of William Valentine's French Fries.

Maybe the show would have been more forgiving if Roger hadn't acted like "the biggest prima donna ever," according to multiple spies. After showing up early on the first day of Wrestling on Monday, he returned to bad habits on the second day, allegedly arriving two hours late and refusing to leave his dressing room with clothes on for another two hours. Then, he took off early to go karaoke and "threatened not to return."

When Roger finally left, Morty and Johnny Justice reportedly broke out in applause. And these are people who deal with a paranoid delusional Eric Draven on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, damage control has begun over a report in this week's Star in which a woman named Aesha Waks claims Roger "destroyed my world" after taking up with her then-fiancé, Mitch Ellis, late last year.

The New York Post says Roger and "close friend" Mitch formalized their "deep spiritual bond" by needling on matching tattoos in a "private, secret, spiritual ceremony."

The ink stains are double red triangles with the words "What goes in must come out" written underneath.

"The triangles represent danger and hazards, and the two spiritual energies inside each other," explains a source, seemingly without breaking into giggles. "It represents their souls and stuff, and the dangers out there, and that they must wat and eventually poop too" Once your eyeballs roll back into their sockets, read on …

For what it's worth, sources say Mitch Ellis was single when he forged this obviously life-altering bond with Blade, who is currently sucking up to Commissioner Jeremy Bevins.

"There could be a future for us,as a team" Mitch tells the Post, then conveniently plugs his announcer services and tattoo artist. "I want Roger to take care of himself. … This is his big moment. It all comes down to this -- it's all under his control. We should all support Roger."

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