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I agree that something is definitely bothering him, and it's coming out as

Posted by Estelle on November 02, 2010 at 08:43:03:

In Reply to: I'm going to offer a different POV here-- (sm) posted by Shawn on November 01, 2010 at 19:35:35:

a more controlling grip on his family. That's why I thought this issue is more of a control issue than a spiritual one; he may be feeling threatened somehow and it's coming back as disrespect toward ER. I do agree that some air needs to be cleared so that mutual respect can be re-established.

ER, something that has amazed me in my relationship with a couple of other people...when I backed off and submitted (lol, ugly word in today's culture) to what they wanted to do instead of insisting on my own way in certain areas, things have come back around to where my opinion mattered more and we were able to find more common ground. You may be inadvertently threatening your SIL's position as head of his household when you respond negativey to some of his decisions (especially decisions that deeply affect you via your beliefs). That could be why your daughter is saying, "it's not that bad", and meaning that only you happen to be seeing him "at his worst" instead of stepping back and appreciating that he is demonstrating leadership in his family, even if it may be awkward to you right now. It takes time to be a good leader of the home, especially in today's times.

I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't think it's comin' out quite right. I still stand by what I say, but Shawn has pointed out a reason, and it's a very valid reason to consider. Right now, you may need to treat your SIL like a co-worker that you MUST work with and with peace before you can re-establish your familial relationship with him. I don't think he's conscientiously trying to disrespect you, but his actions are coming out that way, especially with the bone of contention (your faith) fresh on his mind.

As you said earlier, marriage is based on give and take. If your daughter TRULY does not seem bothered by what you visibly see in their relationship, you might want to step back and see if you might be a little too critical of him based on what YOU personally know (comparing their relationship with either your own or another couple's relationship, etc).

Will be praying for you all. Sometimes it's difficult to shift gears when it's our children who are affected and you feel powerless to "do" anything about it. : }

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