Interactive Beatle Story

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In the beginning was music. And, of course, their is rock 'n roll. Most importantly are the Beatles. So the story begins one fine day when a young woman was walking down the street... 1 And she ran into a devistatingly handsome man, who introduced himself as "Paul".They continued to walk, and talk all the way down the street.They found out that they both had a lot in common.So, when they reached the large gates of Paul's house, he invited her in for a cup of tea.She, or course, said yes.Once inside they.... 2 traveled up to Paul's bedroom. The bed was very big! Paul held her hand and pulled her down to the soft, warm bed. He got closer to her and whispered in her ear... 3 "I am the man on the flaming pie! Do you want me to prove it to you?" he asked her. "Why yes, Paul, I would love it if you did!" she said. And so, they went downstairs to the kitchen and... 4 He set her on the counter top while he prepared the tea.The tea was very good and the girl commented on it."You make very good tea, Paul," she said, "is it a talent?" And with a mischevious grin, Paul said, "Yes.I also am talented in other things.May-be I could show you?" She smiled, and he led her back up to his bedroom.They sat back down on the bed, and Paul proceded to.... 5 pull his guitar out from a corner of the room. Grinning, he strummed a few notes. "If you'd like I could play..." 6 ...something from my new album?" She nodded and listened as Paul... 7 Continued to play And I Love Her, he had her swooning for him.....when the song was over Paul told her.... 8 he would really like to inhale an extra few breathmints before he sings again... 9 so she, staring,handed him some delicious mints.He put it in his mouth and almost threw up!"These, my dear, are quite awful...I do not think you deserve to be here with me anymore.Please leave." The poor girl was very sad...she had, you see, fallen in love with handsome but yet, unknown man. Tears in her eyes she looked at him and fell on her knees..."I'll do anything you ask..just don not send me away for it is thee that I love...say anything and i shall fullfill your wish!" the poor girl wailed. Thus Paul looked at her and said "You really don't know who I am do you? OH well as you asked so nicely i will let you stay with me if you.... 10 Don't mind sleeping in the dog house with Martha. You see, I would let you sleep in my guest room, but Martha has been wanting some company for so long and you seem perfect for her... 11 amusement. And of course you will have to act as her pillow but I'm sure that you won't mind that?" the girl smiled threw her tears and whimpered."Oh that will be no problem sir, I have an extensive experience in sleeping in dog houses! What a coincidence!" She laughed with joy, but suddenly realised that this infinetly more handsome man was also infinetly older than her...she was, after all, only 16. On telling this to Paul, he giggled and said "unfortunately then there is only one thing we CAN do...and that is... 12 eat cheesy poofs and fiddle faddle. Then we can watch re runs of Mr. Ed!" The girl happily switched on the tv witht eh remote control and turned it to channel 16. A familiar song came thru the speakers *A horse is a horse of course of course* Girl was jumping up and down in delight. This was her favoritest show in the whole wide world. When she looked over at Paul he had his head in his hands, and a low weeping/muttering noise was coming from his person. Girl comforted Paul and asked him, "What is the matter??" Paul lifted his head up, his mouth was twisted with pain and his eyes red from crying, he spoke "I used to have a talking horse until it died *sobbing* I miss him!!" *sobbing* *sobbing* Girl thought it was a good time to... 13 make a toast and cheese sandwich. Girl just ADORED toast and cheese sandwiches. Unfortunatley, Paul did not. In fact, it only made him sob more! So Paul went out to the swimming pool, got into his duck floaty device and floated around the pool whilst sobbing. Girl went out to the pool scarfing down a toast and cheese sandwich yet did not know what to say to Paul. He just floated there, sobbing... 14 Moooo! Mooooo! A poor cow had to be hooked up to a machine to get you that cheese! MOO! Moo! moo! moo. He then got out of the pool, and bot down on all fours and proceeded to eat grass. He looked up at Girl with a mouthful of weeds, and she said... 15 "Are you all right???" Paul said, "No. I have a bad hangover from the night before. She was just seventeen and I saw her standing there so I started to walk over but another man got to her sooner. I was so sad that I got drunk. I stumbled home and watched the cow network. It isn't out of my system yet." The girl took him upstairs to his bed and seh laid him down. She gave him some tea and medicine. Then she thought, "Hey! I know who this is now. It's Paul McCartney! Wow!" She leaned in so that their faces were nearly touching. She closed her eyes and... 16 She belched loudly right in his face! "Oops sorry!" She said... 17 "I've been in love with you for three years now, and I'm a little angry, so that's my revenge."Paul looked at her with a perplexed look."Well, what ever did I do to hurt you, my love?" The girl cleard her throat and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear."Well, you seem to fall in love with girls that have blonde hair, and mine is brown, and since I'm not dying it, you'll never love me!" And with that, she turned her back to him and burst into tears.Paul put his hands on her shoulders and spun her around."To late darling", he said."I already am....." 18 in love with your hair! "What?" said the girl. "Let me get some sissors!" And with that, Paul ran down his steps and returned in a minute with a pair of huge sissors. The girl tried to run for it, but Paul blocked the door. He tackled her, grabbed a lock of her hair and proceeded to... 19 cut her hair. She screamed loudly, raising her knee up to Paul's.... 20 hand, knocking the sissors out of his grasp.Seeing that he had met his match, Paul picked the girl up off the floor and gave her a big hug."You passed the test, luv!", he said happily."What test?", she asked."The knock the sissors out of my hands while I try to cut your hair test!Now we can get married!"
Not wanting Paul to change his mind, she nodded happily."Okay Paul.That sounds good."And so the next day they went out and got married at Marlybone registry.... 21 They went back home. Seh threw Paul on the bed. She jumped on top of him and... 22 little did he know that she had a pair of scissors under her dress! she had got him trapped, "Paul, I know you don't really love me! I am just your substitute for Jane, but if I can't have you, then I will have your hair!. YA HA HA!!!". With that, Paul grabbed the phone sitting on the bedside table, knocked the crazy woman off of him with it and called Jane Asher, he said... 23 'Look, lady, I've got to tell you, I'm not really Paul McCartney.' She gasped in shock, and with a furious movement he whipped the mask from his face...and there, in all his Beatle glory, was George Harrison. 'My god!' the woman said, clasping her hand to her mouth, 'I've been flirting with...YOU!' George laughed, long and cruel, and from his cloak he drew a long knife (lol), 'I've been waiting for this for a long time....' 24 and he threw it at the wall to see if he could get it to stick. Then he told the psycho bird to get the hell out of his house & that the wedding was fake. "You only wanted to be with me because you thought I was Paul, & I am very offended. I thought that you may actually love me but no like every women I date they only want me to get to the other 3 Beatles. So, he proceeded to... 25 wake up?? yes, it was all a horrible nightmare had by ringo.'what does this mean?' asked ringo? so he got up and...
26 went into the kitchen, only to see a girl standing by the kitchen sink hold a large pair of sissors. She said... 27 "Mom?" 28 "I'm not your mom" said Ringo.he asked how she got into the house and she told him that she came in through the bathroom window."Well that's just not good enough" he said, so he... 29 proceeded to get very smashed on cheap Mexican tequilla to clear his head. Ten minutes later, thoroughly intoxicated, Ringo turned back to the girl and said to her..... 30 so you wanna marry me then? 31 At that, the REAL Paul McCartney walked in, he had a huge smile on his face, Jane Asher agreed to marry him and when he heard about Ringo's future marriage, he was delighted for him, the only problem was that the evil George had a strange obsession for Jane and it made Paul very uncomfortable so one day he just got really sick of it and as they were sitting in the recording studio, Paul just gave her a long sloppy kiss, George gave him a dirty look and Paul smiled at Jane. George said.... 32 "My God! Paul, is that cheese stuck in your hair?" 33 "George, what have you been throwing at Paul's head?!" said Jane as Paul tried franticly to get the cheddar out of his lovely beatle style hair. "I've got it out now darling" said Paul to Jane. Jane said "Thats lucky darling, but George, why did you throw cheese at Paul's hair?" 34 "What?!" said Paul horrrified, he tried franticly to get it out of his beatle style hair "I've got it out now darling" he said to Jane. Jane said to him, "Oh darling, how could George have thrown cheese in your hair? he has a really sick mind"
"I know my love, but he did it because he is o obsessed with you."
"Hey, I'm standing right here!" said George "Oh George, why can't you just accept that Jane and I are in love? sooner or later you are going to have to" said Paul, while Jane smiled back lovingly at him 35 "I love you Jane" said Paul "I love you too" said Jane. 36 Just remember jane in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make. 37 "Good line darling, you should put it in a song!" Jane giggled 38 "but i know our love will never end Jane darling" said Paul lovingly 39 "Now I think that I AM gonna be sick," said George. "Oh, Belt up, Harrison!" said Jane Asher (In one of her rare bad moods, in which outbursts were common.) "Oh, I am sorry georgie," Jane gushed. As George, Paul and everyone wlse present looked at her like she was Elvis in drag.....Paul looked at her and thought..... 40 'She dosn't look different but she has changed.Who could she be?' Suddenly, Jane turned into the Girl from Ringo's dream. Everyone gasped. "It is you I have loved all this time!" Paul cried, throwing his arms around her and giving her a big kiss. "Yes, my darling. And we shall be married soon," She said to him. But just then Ringo cried,"Wait!" 41 'What is it now you big nosed fag?!' roared Paul. Ringo turned to Paul and cried. "It's not fair" he said. "I want you, your so heavy!" Paul looked at him and said 42 "You disgust me!!!" then Paul ran out of the recording studio and started to drive away in his car. Meanwhile the Girl from Ringo's dream proceeded to follow him, but in the process slipped in the banana peel, that had just conveniently showed up on the floor, and she fell into a sea of holes and was lost forever. Ringo and the other Beatles just sat there and laughed evily, little did they know that the hole was growing bigger and would soon swallow them up. Paul, who had now mysteriously aquired magical super powers, came back and... 43 "Hey, how bout a song a magical mystery song."

Like uh, hmmm let me think, how bout STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER."

"Ok." " But we're not done with it."

Let us make it while we play it."

"Ok, strawberry fields forrever. 44

And thus, just as they had uttered the words "let me take you down," down they all fell into the hole that had expanded unknownst to them.The three then fell through a porthole and ended up in the interior of a yellow submarine. Confused and disoriented, they looked frantically about them, and noticed Ringo and Girl holding hands swimming in the sea of green outside the window. They were headed towards an octupus's garden.

"We ought to follow them!" said George.

"Naw, let it be."

And then all of a sudden, the submarine began to tremble and quiver with a frightening fierceness of velocity, and the sound of an explosion erupted from the belly of the submarine...

45 All of the Beatles were sucked into the submarine. The sub traveled for a few more minutes. Finally it stopped. The Beatles walked out. They were in London. As they walked, the colors changed. George started vomiting uncontrolably. It was all part of his dream that he had when he was in his hangover state. He woke up and went outside. Jane Asher was waiting for him. She was in a limo. "George, Paul has gone to Italy for a day", she said. 46 then she led him to her flat. Jane told him to make himself comfortable as she went into the bathroom. When she did come out in a bathrobe, she took off a mask only to reveal Pattie Boyd.
"Wait, it was you all this time," George said, "this means 47 that you have a huge collection of masks! Oh well, so do I!" George took off his mask of George and revealed that he was John. "Oh, well, it doesn't matter,luv. Will you love me even though I'm not George?" Pattie took off her mask and revealed that she was Cynthia. " 'ello, 'ello Cyn. Me God, was it you all the time?" John asked. "No, Lennon. Cyn's just a fembot. I'm controlling her from the door. I've got you now." Paul cackeled. Behind him was Yoko Ono. "Oh-no,it's Yoko.Hide!" shouted George from behind John. "How did you get here, George?"John asked. "Nevermind 'at, Johnny. Just hide. Paul and Yoko have combined forces and ... 48 they started to sing! Now you may think that Paul singing is not that bad but it was combined with Yoko's! Gerogre started to scream. Then fembot Cyn's head exploded! Paul broke down crying. "Oh Cyn. What have I done?" Paul said crying John got and saw Yoko approching Paul. "Paul look out!" John said Then Yoko came up behind Paul and... 49 threw a cheese sandwhich at him! Paul screamed and wondered what was with him and cheese. Yoko laughed a evil laugh. John joined in. Then George. Ringo despertly tried to get the cheese out of Paul's hair but it was too late. It was... STUCK! 50 Paul tried to get the gooey mess out of his hair. But it did no good. Meanwhile George all of a sudden got a urge to play his guitar. But this just wasn't any guitar. It was the guitar of BAD MUSIC! This was a out of tune gitar. George didn't know that of course. One he started playing everyone got down on the ground and held their ears. Well, all except Yoko who thought the music was quite good. But George's hands couldn't stop playing. George was nearly dying from the pain. The only good thing that came out of this was that the music scared the cheese out of Paul's head. Paul got up and slammed the guitar out of George's tired hands. All of a sudden there was a knock on the door... 51 I wish you were dead bich 52 holy shit were going to crash scotty jim
53 gimmie da dough or i'll kill ya son of bitch il give ya da dough if you got da green skin. 54 fuck you gave me the wrong dope now im high!! 55 this puppy dog porn is so cute 56 but not as cute as you my darling, cheesy paul. you could lick the cheese out of my hair any day. the person at the door pulled of the long, black cape she was wearing, and revealed herself to be none other than linda eastman. can i take a photo of you please, for i have a passion for you and a passion for photography, and combined we can make magic. by the way this is my daughter heather. now will all you other people take heather for a walk in nowhere land please, while me and paul make magic? now paul, i propose that you put your hand... 57 suddenly george walked in with his new girlfriend kisha and they were holding hands...
58 But then suddenly George Martin appeared out of thin air. He looked at George (who was no all by himself, no girlfriend)and said, "Where are the others?" Just as he finished saying this John, Paul, and Ringo waltzed into Studio NO. 2 at Abbey Road.
"Sorry we're a little late," commented John, "but we had to drive extra slow threw Blackbern Lanchasire because it was full of holes."
"No problem," George Martin said, "We have got to finish that new album or we won't met the deadline." 59 and then... 60 Ringo chucked a spaz and screamed,"We don't wanna get stuck in a recording studio, making another record that will make us even more popular, so we'll never have any privacy and-" He got cut off because John snuck up behind him and hit him with a cymbal. "Thanks for that, Johnny." Said Paul and they all started playing 'She Loves You, but it sounded incomplete without the drums, so they tried to wake him up. Ringo woke up and punched John in the face. 61 John smacked Ringo upside the head, "What'd ya do that for ya stupid moron?! We were just wakin ya up so you could play with us." Ringo laughed, "Sorry John. I was having a crazy dream and I thought you were a fembot." John smiled, "Honest mistake. Let's play." The boys picked up their instruments and jammed for a while until suddenly Pete Best walked in carrying a... 62 a jar of peanut butter and a bag of oreo's! 63

"Now see what makes a better weapon for Paul's beautiful hair!" he cackled evily. "Now I will finally get my revenge for getting kicked out of the group!" 64 "he's got peanut butter!That will be worse!" cried Paul in a desperate manner sort."it's not fair when i work so hard to get my hair all nice and like and everyone likes to mess it up with food!"
65 Pete starts to smear peanut butter on oreos when suddenly he drops everything and pulls at Johns face! Off came a John mask and there is an unknown girl underneath and it's not the Girl from ringo's dream. "I am Michelle from Paul's song Michelle!" she says. 66 Pete starts to smear peanut butter on oreos when suddenly he drops everything and pulls at Johns face! Off came a John mask and there is an unknown girl underneath and it's not the Girl from ringo's dream. "I am Michelle from Paul's song Michelle!" she says. 67 But then George sees that this is not true. He pulls off the Michelle mask and underneath it is another girl. "I am another girl from the song another girl" she says. "No you're not" says Paul. "That's not what you look like!" "Ok then, my real name is Emma and I come from the year 2001. I have come to... 68 show you what music is like in the future.... 69 Emma turned on the radio, and a burst of screaming flooded the air waves to no other but the sound of Yoko Ono. George, John, Paul, and Ringo all yell "turn it off, please no more"!Emma "this is what's going to happen many years from now, if you never produce your final record". So the fabs quicky got up and... 70 Paul exclaimed " This music is horrible even all those silly love songs on the air, this is by far the worst ever"! John, George, and Ringo were all shocked to hear Paul's commentary. Soon after Paul said that they... 71 Tackled Paul down on the floor and asked him "Where's the Real Paul McCartney,and what did you do to him"? He replies by saying "Paul is dead". John, George, and Ringo say " No bloody hell, those were just rumors!" Paul:"or were they were they really?! Waa Haa Haa!!" John quickly.... 72 Tackled Paul down on the floor and asked him "Where's the Real Paul McCartney,and what did you do to him"? He replies by saying "Paul is dead". John, George, and Ringo say " No bloody hell, those were just rumors!" Paul:"or were they were they really?! Waa Haa Haa!!" John quickly.... 73 started to dance a jig he had learned as a boy."Now I'm the man on the flaming pie!" he shouted.He was still dancing his silly dance when the door opened, and in walked Paul."That's nice, John," he said, "but.... 74 what's http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Yellow_submarine/ ??? 75 "No!!" George screamed frantically running out the door. "What's the matter with him?" Paul asked to no one. John had somehow followed behind George without anyone noticing. "Where did they go?" Paul asked Ringo's head popped up. "Listen man, I've had some great times with these guys, and how do you know I wouldn't miss them?" He said with an annoyed yet frightened tone in his voice. "You didn't miss your tonsils now did you?" Paul replied with a seductive grin on his face. "Are you ok, Macca?" John asked from the doorway. Paul had just turned around to answer John's question when... 76 Yoko comes walking out in her birthday suit.
77 "Hello," she says. "Im here to sing you all a song." Just then, some music starts. "BORN IN A PRISON", she screams in her Yoko Ono type manner. John, who is at the moment not on drugs, realizes that she truly does blow dogs for quarters. "What was I thinking?!" John cries in agony. "It's alright mate," Paul says with true sympathy, "we all make mistakes. Even Beatles." Just then in runs Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys and yells, "Hey everybody, surfs up!"... 78

Just then Mark David Chapmen showed up. "I've been sent to kill John Lennon!" he pulled the triger, all looked shocked. "NOOOOoooooo" Paul jumped infront of the bullet and fell over close to death. He felt good that he had saved his bet friends life. John was crying saying that Paul didn't haveto die for him, Yoko went around, yelling "Paul is dead, no more Paul" but Paul came back from the dead because Chapmen used tranqulizers instead of bullets. 79 So, John, Paul, George, and Ringo all tackle Chapman and beat him up. The police run in and carry him away... 80 So, John, Paul, George, and Ringo all tackle Chapman and beat him up. The police run in and carry him away... 81 and these police men, were very pretty, and standing in a row...as it were.

Once the shit-face was behind bars and rotting in a cell. The four lads went off to cut an LP. While in the studio a call came in through the Beatle radio. (the fab four had become International Super Heros)

The voice of the Prime Minister comes over the radio.

"Help! We need somebody! Help not just anybody! Magneto and Titanium Man are breaking into the town bank. And worst of all! The Crimson Dynamo just showed up!"

"This looks like a job for...*power music* Super Beatles!"
82 The super Beatles grabbed their powerful musical instruments and ran out the door to the bank, "Hold it right there" they said in unison "Stop" The two of them looked in shoc, "Oh grea it's the Beat boys 83 John Lennon says to her: "You're a fine looking bird aren't ya?" She looked surprised, but simply replied: "Right." 84 Then he screamed: "Gimme Some Truth, Lady. Did you know that Woman Is the Nigger of the World?" 85 George and paul then grapped John& said"Do you need anybody?" John dazed,said"CYN and julian where are you?"Than... 86 George and paul then grapped John& said"Do you need anybody?" John dazed,said"CYN and julian where are you?"All of a sudden Cyn & and Julian came with big bukets of melted cheese."What are they doing?!" George said trying to get up. "Now" Cyn said dumping the cheese on John, George,& Ringo's heads."yay, I didn't get hit" Paul said happily 87 George and paul then grapped John& said"Do you need anybody?" John dazed,said"CYN and julian where are you?"All of a sudden Cyn,Julian came with big bukets of melted cheese."What are they doing?!" George said trying to get up. "Now" Cyn said dumping the cheese on John, George,& Ringo's heads."yay, I didn't get hit" Paul said happily 88 "Now all we need is Onions!" John cried. "I thought that was love" asked Ringo. "Hey I thought I was the on that was supposed to make the Monty Python references anyway!" shouted George. "What?" questioned Paul. You know our bizaroo world cousins! The Rutles!" "Oh enough about that!" yelled John and Paul. "Hey I support all your outside endevors...." sulked George. "There, there" comforted Ringo, "At least everybody thinks you're cool and mystical." 89 "of course im cool" stated George 90 "My underwear sticks to my butt with the brown streak marks, of course I'm cool." 91

But George wouldn't have said that. Instead he said he was cool because he was the thin one. "All I have to do is go into a posh store and take the clothes off the rack. That's why my wife, Patti, opened a boutique with her sister. So I could find some Edwarian duds. I and the rest of the lads and the Rolling Stones decked ourselves out with feathers and big hats and psychedelic clothes, bell-bottoms, etc., which are hard to find elsewhere. John bought a psychedelic Rolls Royce, but he can't go anywhere in it because everyone knows he's inside. I could try shopping at Harrods, but the bloody IRA are always bombing the place. By the way, John feels sympathetic to the IRA. Christ knows why. And the cost of keeping Harrods open at night so we can shop all we want is so extravagant. And British taxes so steep, we're losing money all over. Fame! With Brian Epstein, a great dresser himself, dead, we need somebody. We're not business men. We're getting taken advantage of; and that happens all the time to artists. We lost money on our Apple venture. We need a new manager. The Stones tell us, 'Don't hire Allen Klein.' But John had already fell under Klein's spell. It seems Klein knows all the Beatle songs and John just thinks that's great. In truth, Klein's robbing us blind." 92

If only Brian Epstein had lived. He dressed like a dandy and was charged once in the military for impersonating an officer. He was taking 25% of what the Beatles earned. More than the Beatles made. McCartney realized this. Epstein and McCartney didn't get along. But John always got his way. Epstein stayed. Back in the old times, Lennon insisted Stu Sutcliffe, a very slight young artist, be a part of the band. Some MOD people showed up to see the Beatles perform. Stu met Astrid Kirshner, a photographer, who photographed the Beatles when they looked like Teddy Boys. Later she designed the Beatle haircut. Stu started spending all his time with Astrid. John grew jealous, jealous that Astrid was going to take away someone dear to him. They married. Lennon left Stu in Germany. When he was told that Stu had died of cerebral hemorraging, Lennon laughed and laughed. Some people do that. No one knows how you yourself would react. 93 John lennon started crying after being kneed in the knackers by mr paul mcartney, then john came up with an idea of a place where everyone could come together, the internet, but the fbi stole john's idea, so john started complaining in his songs, they were banned from public viewing and hearing, so then john got smart to the wrong person, mr leonard cohen, they had a punch-up and leonard got a bleeding nose, so he wiped it on lennon's shirt, lennon started kicking cohen in the knackers till he finally dropped, he was the walrus, there was no other walrus, lennon is still alive today, it was a hoax, he lives somewhere back in england, quite possibly on a cornflake waiting for that van to come 94 . when that van did finally come, he noticed it was named "the end of the world." he thought this was all amusing, until he found out th
at it was a voodoo van, and since the end of the world came, nothing existed. seeing now that there is no world, and he is rapicly asphixiating in space, he pinched himself, confirming it wasn't a dream. and so, the whole world ended, so nothing can continue, THE END. 95 Very colourful site
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