An old friend called me last night and asked me out, but I said no because he hasn't seen me in 20 years, and I've gained a lot of weight since then. I was intending to continue talking to him on the phone and renew the friendship before going any further and just see where it goes. But now all this has opened up a whole new can of worms for me.
My initial knee-jerk reaction was to think he's a womanizer, but now I'm afraid my recent experience with XDH is affecting how I feel about all men in general. I won't go into all the details of our talk last night, but some things he said make me thing there's that possibility. My first thought was that he was calling for a "booty call." I used to love those 20 years ago but absolutely hate the idea of it now. Now I want someone who wants to be around me first of all for companionship. I want respect. Of course, sex will follow, but I want these other things first. However, I have no idea what he really has in mind. I like to think I'm over all the hurt from three months ago, but then I get this call, and my reflex is to protect my heart by staying home by myself. I am really a social person and have always enjoyed being around other people, but at this point in my life, I think I'd rather be alone than take a chance on sustaining those devastating wounds again. Now I don't know how to proceed with my life. Do I just sit still for a while and hope this will pass and someday I can trust someone to not hurt me? Or do I force the issue and make myself start dating again even though I'm not sure I'm ready for that? I don't like being alone, but I hate the hurt even more. I keep praying that God will lead me down the path I need to go, but is this it? What do I do next? I'm so confused.