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This is the story of Severus Snape...it is for ALL ages.. The life of Professor Snape is a very private and secret one. Many peeps feel this is due to his need to hide his past. 1   In some peoples eyes this made him dangerous, if not evil. 2   To me.. this just turns me on. 3   Especially since I, myself, don't want anyong to find out I've recently escaped from Sing-Sing...but that's a completely different story all together. 4   Anyway, back to Snape... 5   And, while we're on the subject of our wonderful and incredibly attractive Potions teacher, we should illustrate the fact that he's really ever so smart. While other dunderheads wasted their educational experience, our dear beloved Severus did his best to study. That James Potter was a lay-about, if you ask me!
6   Oh, yes, quite the lay about. Now, anyway, back onto the subject of our great and wise, and ever so sexy Snape.. Since this is a story, it kind of needs a plot. Not that praising the delicious and perfect man that is Severus Snape isn't plot enough.. Mwaha! 7   He then found out that all Gryffindors are incompetent dunderheads and becomes the leader of the Slytherins Against Stupids society (the SAS). 8   For all his years at Hogwarts, the SAS society still consists only of himself, owing to the utter preoccupation of most Slytherins with thier own lust for power. Still, Proffesor Snape carries dutifully on, making it his foremost mission in life to badger the ignorance and intelectual listlessness out of the children under his care. This is by no means an easy task, mind you, especially with that self-absorbed Harry Potter and crew galavanting about the castle grounds at all odd hours of the night with no thought for anyone but themselves.

"No consideration at all," Snape grumbled to himself as he stalked along the dim castle corridors, senses sharp for any sign of mischief. "Doesn't care about all the trouble we go to for his safety.....just *has* to go tearing off to save the day.....has a death wish, no doubt." He continued to rant under his breath, moving silently down the hall, until he came to the cavernous Hogwarts entrance hall.

Snape stopped sharply then, ears perking up as he suddenly picked up on the patter of little feet against the stone floor. 9   just as the 'hero' came running down the stair snape was there to greet the boy, what are you doing up my boy snarled snape. Nothing sir i was just going to get a bit of freash air, no your not, not at three thirty in the morining, go back to your room potter and stay there till morning or i will give you detention and take 30 house points, harry did as he was told until 10   Harry heard another CRASH!

He ran back out of Gryffindor Tower, armed with his firebolt. Creeping along the corridors at half three in the morning was scary, but he'd be chased by mass muderers, soul sucking demons and the like, and he wasn't really bothered, he had always liked Snape's plan to get rid of Dumbledore... so if he could just get himself in trouble...

Round a corner... His insides screamed... Snape was lying there on the floor! How could Dumbledore go without Snape to front it? 11   Harry heard another CRASH!

He ran back out of Gryffindor Tower, armed with his firebolt. Creeping along the corridors at half three in the morning was scary, but he'd be chased by mass muderers, soul sucking demons and the like, and he wasn't really bothered, he had always liked Snape's plan to get rid of Dumbledore... so if he could just get himself in trouble...

Round a corner... His insides screamed... Snape was lying there on the floor! How could Dumbledore go without Snape to front it? 12   Hermione heard a shrieking sound and she thought that snape had been killed and went to Proffesor Dumbledore " Proffesor dumbledore. is Proffesor Snape killed? she said 13   "no" Proffesor Dumbledore said, "he's alive and well" 14   Cursing himself for a fool, Severus skulked down the dungeons to his quarters.

"You've really done it this time, Severus. You've really done it. How could you have been so stupid?"

He smacked his head on the door, muttering the password. 15   Severus sat up and groaned, holding his head "Don't remind me..." 16   then he looked at himself and saw how sexy he was so he was HAPPY!!!!! 17   (please please can I have detention???) 18  

Snape groaned. His insides were aching. He was incredibly sick that morning and he could feel his food coming up again. He ran to his private toilet and he got there just in time. He had a long hard puke and when he was finished he groaned again. "How are you Severus?" Snape turned and saw kindly Professor Dumbledore standing in the bathroom doorway. 19  

"*Aham* Headmaster, how are you this evening? I was vomiting and thought of you-I mean-"
"It's ok Severus... You can think of me any time you vomit..." Dumbeldore gave a humorous wink at Snape. "*Ahem* I'd better be going, headmaster... I have more souls to suck out- imean more students to cruely insult and more Longbottoms to... to... to torment!" Snape gave a weak smile and strode out of the bathroom. Dumbeldore stared... leaning against the bathroom door. "He's such a rude man..." 20   Dumbeldore made a quick wink at the ever so annoyingly noisy addience "He is'nt really... but alas... he only thinks of me while he's vomiting... how sad... I hope he aquires a thought of me in the shower..."

*Aham* (Get it? A-Ham? Ahahahahahahaha!) back to our ever so lovable and-er- vomitatious Snape (This was brought to you by: The good Folks at: Kiss Off And Die "Beacause we care about you*" *Ahem* Snape banged his head on his dongeon door once more (Veiwer disgretion adavised) "Why did I *@#%$&^ Do that?! Severus, you *4%^&^##@$$^&&*^/(//||":**00655*_)0)((_)!!!!" Snape led himself through to his room. He quietly slithered to his dresser and pulled out what seemed to be Sponge Bob Square pants out of his left droor... 21   Snape sighed and hugged Sponge Bob tightly. "My only friend." He said sadly. 22   Hello, i'm Barbera Walters...oh... wrong set... sorry... HEY DON'T MISS MY INTERVEIW WITH MYSELF ON TEUSDAY ON 60 MINUTES!!! 23   "What?" Snape silently let the Sponge go "Why did I do that? Is someone trying to exploit me?" Snape pulled a daggar out of his left pocket and plunged it into Sponge Bob madly "Die you foamy-A** Bastard!!!" 24  

Snape laughed manically. Foam flew around him and into his sexy, greasy, hair. Suddenly, he heard a short, sharp knock at his chamber door. He turned and saw someone he thought he would never see again. His old school girlfriend, Laura, stood at the door. "Hello Severus." 25   Heya, Laura-chan, Marindae here... Laura, i am asking you to stop that... thank you... 26   I mean it, Laura, stop it... 27   "Hello, L-L-L Laura H-H-How are you?" He said shakily. Laura deeply irritated him, she reminded him of Potter... or Sponge Bob square pants, whom he had just stabbed 28   Laura smiled at him "Whatcha' doin'?" She said, with a high grading child-like voice. Snape shut the door abruptly "I hope Mad-Eye Moody catches her and throws her in Azkaban..." He said shrilly. 29   Laura slammed open the door, and prodded Snape in the chest.
"Now now, Snapey. Mind your manners. You always were a bad boy."

Snape stared. Was this the same girl he knew? She twirled his hair in her fingers, laughing softly. 30   laura leaned towards him and squeezed his a$$. 31   Afte that they both stripped and had sex. 32   That was not true!!! This is just to exploit poor Severus!!! ::Tears down story cloth::Mosag (Hebrew for Nasty dirty woman)...::Mutters:: That is'nt what happened... that's just VILE!!! CORRUPT!!! In other words... THAT JUST DID'NT HAPPEN!!! My name is Fleur De' Talon... in short: Talon... I was sent here to clean this story up!!! I mean... it just does'nt seem right... And it is'nt nice!!! Doing that to poor Snape... ::Points at the frosen seen in back of her... which was torn down:: I'm going to put an end to this...I'm painting a new picture... Laura is a dirty dirty woman if you ask me... ::Nails a new picture to the empty space showing Snape pushing Laura off a clff:: There! 33   And take that, you bitch!!! 34   Laura fell, screaming, while Snape cackled and dropped a cauldron on her. 35  

"Ok...My work is done... thank you, 'Who bloody well cares'now... ho do I get back to Hogwarts." Snape pondes some more while a ravinouse group of beasts (The bunnys of doom) sneak up bhind him. Just when they were abou to get hold of Snape, Nicole Kidman flew towards the group of un necessarily hungry creatures on a rope. She dug a brittish branding iron with the words "Moulin Rouge" out of a purpel handbag and prodded the group of bunnies. It took three seconds to realize that they were now proprty of Nicole Kidman and vanished along with a happily waving Nicole Kidman. 36  

Note: The use of the bunnys of doom in the paragraph above is now property of Moulin Rouge. Any further use of Miss Nicole Kidman or the bunnysf doom will be fined a day with Rosanne Barr.
Thankyou
-Fleur De' Talon
P.S. If Laura steps into this story one more time... somebody please kill her. Thank you 37   *Ahem* Back to Severus Snape... 38   And then a horse came flying out of nowhere and jumped on top of Snape. Initially, he thought that it was James Potter coming back to haunt him but soon realised it was just a horse. 39  

Snape woke up from a bad dream. Some bitch called Fleur d'talon had invaded a gorgeous dream he was having of his old school girlfriend, Laura. Laura! Where was she?
Snape heard the creak of the bathroom door behind his bed. The gorgeous, tall and slender Irish beauty that was Laura stepped out of the bathroom with just a towel around her soft wet skin. Her long brown hair hung around her emerald eyes. One thing was out of place- blood stained her hands. "Don't worry, Severus," she said in a soft voice, "that obsessive bitch Fleur won't bother you again. I've killed her." Snape laughed happily and pulled Laura towards him. Oh, how he loved her! 40   I think I might get sick. 'Oh how he loved her'? How corny can you get?! And yes, I am a bitch FYI, and hoiw did Snape get back into Hogwarts?! It was NOT a dream... How could it be?! Snape was with Dumbledor, and unfortunate for Laura... that did'nt happen... 41   Snape woke up with a gasp. Who was Laura? And why was Fleur De' Talon there? AND WHY IN THE HECK WAS HE IN DUMBLEDORE'S ROOM?! It took a while for Severus to notice that he was indeed, in Dumbledore's bedroom... but one question donned in his mind... WHY?! Snape now noticed that he was standing idly in a corner and looked around. He caught Dumble dore's face out of the corner of his eye and then looked straight at him, blinking almost stupidly, which was'nt like him. "Er-Headmaster, might I ask why i'm here?" Dumbledor smiled mischeiviously "Severus, Mr. Olliver Wood was discussing
Quidditch Tactics when you mysteriously nodded off..." Olliver waved at Snape timidly, still clutching moving cardbaord tactics in his hand. Dumbledore smiled yet again "Severus, you may leave now."
Snape felt thurroughly embarassed by his actions and said wearily "Thank you, Head master." And he trudged out of the room, his black robes billowing behind him. 42   Snape turned a sharp corner and noticed some rather strange looking girls bickering in the corner. One had silverish hair, dark skin and a rather strange outfit on, while the other, looked just like that girl named laura. "YOU BITCH!!!!" she screamed "HOW DARE YOU CHANGE MY STORY?! AND HOW DID YOU REGAIN YOUR LIFE, YOU-YOU-YOU BITCH!!!"
The silver haired woman smiled pleasantly at Laura "You need'nt worry about that... besides... is it any of your buisiness?" She smirked and pulled a time-turner out of her breast pocket. Laura mouthed wordlessly until she finally sputtered the one word out of her mouth that would REALLY upset the silver haired girl. Laura sputtered and shreaked "YOU SKANK!!!" The silver haired girl glared "Trying to start a fight are you, super skimp?" The silver haired woman eyed Laura's towel dissaprovingly
"Well...," Laura treid to search for another offenive word "Atleast I don't have that skin flap of a jump suit clamped on!!!" The silver haired girl looked furious
"AT LEAST I HAVE'NT HAD SEX WITH ALL 36 PRESIDENTS!!!!!" (Which was true, by the way...)
Laura, this time could shoot out a different word "Slut"
The silver haired woman glared "Whore"
"Bitch"
"Skank"
"Hoe"
"Skimp"
"Back-stabber"
"Human mattress"
"Damn straight!"
This cat fight continued for several minutes until both Laura and the silver haired girl noticed that the whole school of Hogwarts was watching... even a couple of geusts... (Voldemort, Voldemort's DeathEaters, The Bulgarian Quidditch team and a lot more...) 43   Both Laura and the silver haired girl stared.
How in the hell did the schoolget here so fast? Not even the silver haired girl knew. Laura looked anxciously around for her dearest Snape (Who did'nt really know Laura anyway) while the silver haired girl was curiously looking around only to spot a rather huffy looking Ludo Bagman. Professor McGonagall broke through a crowd of excitedly twittering first years and busteled over to the silver haired girl. "Fleur De' Talon. How did you manage to get here on time?" She said. The silver haired girl (Who was obviously Fleur De' Talon)pushed Ludo Bagman away from her and said in a huffy voice "Used time turner-Super Skimp over there followed me." She indicated her finger at Laura, who was now introducing her un-towled self to Cedric Diggory... who seemed to accually enjoy it. 44   Snape suddenly realized that he was stuck in the middle of a bunch of disrobing students. He remembered that he didn't really know Laura anyway; cursing himself silently for being such a fool, he straightened his robes and stalked off. 45  

Voldemort, who had been watching the entire scene with great amusement, now took over. He Transfigured Laura into a rabbit and laughed in a very terrifying way. Laura made a squeaky rabbit noise and tried to hop away. With a rapid motion of mad delight, Voldemort waved his wand and sent a stampede of elephants to squash the little rabbit-girl. When the chaos had died down, Laura had been trodden down into an elliptical lump on the floor of the Entrance Hall. Voldemort looked extremely pleased with himself. 46   The Death Eaters cheered hystarically along with the Slytherins. Snape was doing a victory dance somewhere in the desolate shadows. Fleur De' Talon stood there with a bemused expression, while still shaking Mcgonagall's hand. "What the hell was that?" She wispered softly. She let go of Mcgonagall's hand and looked at Voldemort, who was humming to himself in delight. "Did you do that?" She said. Voldemort stoped humming and laughed mirthlessly. Fleur De' Talon did a rather un necissary facefault and Voldemort laughed coldly once more, this time losing his composure and falling off the marsh-pit of Death Eaters underneath him. 47   Fleur De' Talon rose to her feet and stared at the ellipticall lump of rabbit which was Laura. "I guess i'd better restor her." She muttered. She picked up the dallop of rabbit and muttered a few Slacakian words under her breath. Almost instantly, Laura re-appeared, and was now dressed in a Play-Boy Bunny suit. (Ears and all) 48   EEP! 49   Suddenly, the sky grew dark and an icy wind swept through the damp hallway. A flash of lightning ripped through the sky as a Dementor appeared. The Dementor strode over to Laura and administered "The Kiss" (hehehe this is the kiss she really deserves!)Fleur De' Talon shrieked with disgust (and delight!) as she stared at Laura's soulless, lifeless body. Laura is dead. For ever. Cannot be revived. Ever. End of Story (gross bit at least.) 50   Suddenly, the sky grew dark and an icy wind swept through the damp hallway. A Flash of lightning ripped through the sky as a Dementor appeared. The Dementor strode over to Laura and gave her "The Kiss" (hehehe this is the only kiss she deserves). Fleur De' Talon shreiked with disgust (and delight!) as she stared at Laura's soulless, lifeless body. Laura is dead. FOR EVER. Cannot be revived. End of Story. (well, that disgusting bit anyway)
51   OOOPPPSSS (SORRY) 52   Snape, having finished dancing in the shadows, straightened his robes (neglected to fix his hair, however),then returned to his dark, slightly musty study to study pieces of fungus and whatever else he does with his spare time. Fleur De' Talon has been locked in a very small room, closely resembling a cardboard box( the room resembles a cardboard box, not Fleur De' Talon). 53   Snape, having finished dancing in the shadows, straightened his robes (neglected to fix his hair, however),then returned to his dark, slightly musty study to study pieces of fungus and whatever else he does with his spare time. Fleur De' Talon has been locked in a very small room, closely resembling a cardboard box( the room resembles a cardboard box, not Fleur De' Talon). 54   oops, did it again. SORRY. 55   Fleur De' Talon blinked in the darkness. "How did I get here?" She asdked herself softly, She scrambled around in her small, cramped card-board box resembling room, Finally, she was able to poke a spot that resembled Miachel Jackson's face (EEECK!!!) in a moldy corner and broke free, and she immediatly saw that she was surrounded by a room of 56   light. Then she realised that she was still contained in a locked cardboard box. The sides of the box became soggy, and she realised she was in the Lake. She contemplated this for a second, before she passed out from lack of oxygen.

When she came to, she found herself (still in the cardboard box) in a block of solid ice. 57  

Meanwhile still in his study (looking at fungus) Snape realised what the time was and headed off to lunch. On the way to the Great Hall he passed the girl's toilets. Screaming echoed throughout the hallway (coming from the girl's toilets) and Snape decided to investigate. Upon entering the girl's toilets Snape noticed the walls were covered with graffiti saying "I love Snape!" and "Severus is mine!". However astonished he was, his attention was instantly diverted by a small fight erupting on the other side of the room between two girls. Apparently one girl was "desecrating" the other's "Snape tribute".
He let this continue for several minutes before turning to leave the room, muttering to himself. 58  

Meanwhile still in his study (looking at fungus) Snape realised what the time was and headed off to lunch. On the way to the Great Hall he passed the girl's toilets. Screaming echoed throughout the hallway (coming from the girl's toilets) and Snape decided to investigate. Upon entering the girl's toilets Snape noticed the walls were covered with graffiti saying "I love Snape!" and "Severus is mine!". However astonished he was, his attention was instantly diverted by a small fight erupting on the other side of the room between two girls. Apparently one girl was "desecrating" the other's "Snape tribute".
He let this continue for several minutes before turning to leave the room, muttering to himself. 59   OH STUFF IT! sorry, it won't happen again. 60   Anyway, when Snape entered the great hall, he had a strange sensation, like somebody was watching him. He turn to look who it was but couldn't see anyone looking at him. He stood in the doorway looking from one side to the other as fast as he could hoping to see the offender. Suddenly he realised who it was, in the far left corner off the room a average, blonde, MALE, muggle, wearing everyday clothes staring directly at Snape. this struck Snape as slightly odd. He made his way uncomfortably toward the front of the room, occasionally glancing at the far left corner to see if he was, infatc, hallucinating. He wasn't. 61  

The blonde cropped male fixed his light blue eyes directly on him, boring right through him. Snape slithered up to the table, still flicking his glance over at the man, who was still watching.
"Headmaster, who is that man?" he whispered over at Dumbledore, the old fool smiled at him and said softly.
"A friend of mine from the muggle world Severus. I believe he has travelled far, to talk to you"
Snape looked down sourly at the muggle, wondering why he was here, how he was here and most importantly why he wanted to see him. The ever goood looking teacher slowly ate, feeing disgusted at the blonde boy, he was not right. It did not take long for him to feel distracted by his presence. Quietly he rose upwards, feeling far too sick and anxious to eat.
"Why Severus, what is wrong?" questioned Dumbledore, helping himself to a handful of sherbet lemons.
"Excuse me, Headmaster, i think i will leave early" with that he stepped onto the marble floors and walked down the side of the tables. The blonde man followed. Snape turned round and carried on walking, his cloak providing a dark backing to him. Snape decieded against turning round and kept walking towards the tour. Just as our fave prof reached the door way, an icy voice startled him from behind.
"Severus? Are you going to ignore me for all of my stay here?" the voice muttered,sending prickles down snapes spine.
"I do not know you, i have no wish to know you, so i do not see why i should have to speak to you" he hissed, still refusing to turn round.
"Come now, i am sure you know of me?"
"I do not! Now leave!"
"I will not leave" he said pleasently, acting cool towards his new friend.
"Nobody speaks to me like that" he muttered, spinning on his heel and aproaching the man, wand ready.
"Ah, that would seem the case, the only problem is, I do" The blondie smiled confidently and lowered his eyes into slits. 62   Snape excused himself and entered the girl's bathroom for the second time that day. It was empty this time and seemed strangely eerie. He cosidered whether climbing out the window was an option at this stage but upon observing the window he concluded that he wouldn't fit, apart from which, he was on the third floor. Outside, the blonde person began to whistle. After a while the tune seemed oddly
familiar to Snape. With a shock he realised it was his favourite song. after dispairing for around about 5 minutes he exited the girl's bathroom, only to come face to face with the "cropped blonde Male".
63   He clenched his fists as if ready to punch the blonde but he the look in his eye made him stop. he felt weird as if the temperature had rose. he became light headed and kept staring at the male.

It was like a dream, the spinning and his eyes locked with the blondes. then came a tune, a buetiful romantic tune and snape leaned towards the man and put his sexy hands on the mans face and started making out with him. oh how butiful this was (to snape) but after few minutes he heard from a distance someone calling he couldnt make out who it was and didnt want to stop. "severus.....severus...?........SEVERUS!!!???"

it all had stopped. the spinning, the music, the romance. he looked to see McGonnagal and other students staring at him. the blonde was backed against the wall, gagging and coughing and wiping his mouth. snape just realized what was happening and had kissed him. he to was lost for words. 64   The Blonde man froze as Snape morphed into Hagrid before his eyes. McGonagall gasped and looked away and instantly Hagrid morphed into Laura. A small boy fainted and the thing morphed yet again, this time into Fay. This continued for several minutes until McGonagall stood with a few very upset children. The thing was now flicking between being Hagrid and being Snape. McGonagall was the first to speak: "I do believe we have found ourselves a feral boggart". The blonde man nodded, still in shock as Snape strode out of the bathroom, then sprinted down the hallway, ran into his office and locked the door. 65   He felt a familair prodding in his mid back. He turned to see the short, frizzy brown haired girl who followed him around. He did not know what to think of her-she was very annoying at times, but always seemed to make him feel better if he was depressed. She grinned, poked him again and stepped back. Glowing purple, she cast a very complicated spell. "There you go, Sevvie, No-one will remember what happened. Mass memorie charms are my speciality. She skipped forward and gave him a big hug. As usual, he stood still and couldnt decide wether he liked it or not. 66   Still grinning she hugged so hard he could hardly breathe. Gently disentagling himself, he moodly sat down behind his desk. "How did you get in here?" He asked, looking at the desk. "Ahh, now that would be telling." She replied and apperated a coffee in front of him. "Drink up, I dont want you wasting away now," She grinned again and plonked herself on his lap. Rolling his eyes, he took the coffee and drank, avoiding her frizzy hair.((Ahhhh...If i could do that...This is depressing me)) 67   While her attention was diverted elsewhere, (mostly coffee and her hair) Snape poured his, still hot, coffee over her head and ran screaming from his office. Later on that afternoon, Filch was doing a routine check of the dungeons when he came across her lifeless body. He took her to Madam Pomfrey only to discover that she had been dead for several hours. He contemplated what her final moments must have been like, dying from third degree burns, then continued on his normal routine checks. 68   After Snape had left the dungeons screamming he ran into the snotty Potter and Co. Being the hot smart Proffesor he is, he tricked them into walking down by the lake with him where he pushed them into the water and they all drowned much to Severus's delight. But then Ron was revived beacause I think he's cool. "You stupid #$%#$# of an author! I was this close to being happy and you ruin it!!!" screammed the ever cool Snape. "Bad Bad Snape," says strange voice from the sky,"no cusing I punish you now!" And Harry and Hermy are revied. Sexy Snape in a momentary mental break down runs screaming(again)into his office; and after pushing the dead body of Laura(it had mysteriously appered there)off his desk he picked up a book he was reading called "Fanatic Fangirls and were to find them" it was rather scary to think that such a thing actually lived. But Sev knew that such a thing lived beacause the author was one. He was offically confinced that some lived under his bed. Truelly, he was begining to become paranoid.

69   Snape looked around then picked up the two sides of the ripped-up SpongeBob doll "It's okay... Madame Pomfrey will save you." He then ran out of his study and waved his arms around ((which had Spongebob in each hand)) around like a maniac. 70   and he spat at it and prof.mogonigle shreiked with horror as he riped it apart with his teeth 71   and he fomed at the mouth and bit mogonigle on her breast 72   but then relized that that was really, really nasty, and he stalked off to his dungeons after burning the evil Spongebod toy thingy. 73  

Upon returning to the dungeon, Snape found himself unscrewing the lid of a bottle of a VERY poisonous liquid and only stopped himself just in time, to avoid drinking it. With a great effort, Snape threw the bottle against the wall, smashing it and causing the liquid to spill all over the floor. Shuddering Snape sat down at his desk and tried to think. He found this exceptionally difficult because every few seconds he had to stop himself from stabbing himself with the letter opener on his desk. Several hours of contemplation and three stab wounds later, Snape realised what must be happening. Someone had put the Imperial Curse on him! That explained all his strange behaviour recently! The thing with Laura, SpongeBob, McGonagall, Everything! 74   Snape cheered! Now that he knew where this strange behavior was coming from life could continue on normaly, well, as normaly as things got at Hogwarts. After he removed the Imperial Curse life would be good!!!!! So he concintrated and the curse came off right then beacause the author was to lazy to add any detail. Sexy Severus was thrilled and showed his new enthusiasim for life by get terribly drunk on 5 bottles of scotch. 75   Than while drunk he staggered into the great hall where everyone was having dinner and he saw somthing truly revolting. It was... 76   Fleur De'Talon, here. Just doing some damage control. That is just revolting. You messed up people are out to ruin the noble Snape's reputation. Revolting losers. 77   Talon, get a life. 78  

So Talon left beacause she IS revolting. And Snape walked up to the teachers table to get some dinner. He was sorely disapointed that dinner wasn't normal, just like the rest of this terrible day. Instead of the usualy good food the House elves cooked there was lots of nasty green stuff, it looked poisones. This could only mean one thing. Oh no. Dumbledore had... Snape's black eyes looked at the entrance to the Great Hall and sure enough they opeaned and in came the old headmaster in NOTHING but a chiefs hat. Oh dear God. Not ANOTHER mental break down. 'Good God above' thought Severus, 'Please make Albus get some forn of clothing on, this is disgusting!!!' Unfortinotly the God above didn't listen to poor Sexy Snape and Dumbledore remaind unclad. Snape looked down at all of the students; they were all passing out, convoulsing, throwing up, or a combitation of all three at once. It was then that Snape snapped. This day had worn down his almost none excistant patiants and stood up and screamed out the words... 79   "HOLY HECK! YOU PEOPLE MUST BE MORE MESSED UP THAN ALL THE MENTAL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD PUT TOGETHER! I'M GOING BACK TO VOLDEMORT! HOPEFULLY HE ISN'T AS CRAZY AS ALL OF YOU!" and he staggered out of the great hall in drunken fury. 80  

Snape slumped against the wall, waiting for his blurred vision to pass when he heard a familiar voice: "I hear you have come back to us". Snape's head began to spin and he promptly vomited on Voldemort's feet.
Voldemort helpede Snape to his feet and began to escort Snape off the campus, he began to object but promptly ceased when he couldn't remeber why.

Next thing he knew, he woke up in a very dark, exceptionally smelly room. he grappled with his mind for a few minutes before finally vaguely recollecting what had happened. he attempted to stand but his head was throbbing so much he decided that sitting was probably the best plan for the moment. 81   He looked all around the room before deciding that going out of the door would be the best plan of action. He reached into a pocket in his clock and pulled out a potion that would get rid of his hangover then sweptout of the room. He went two doors down and stopped in front of one room that said "Voldie's Room" on the front. Snape nodded and entered, inside he found Voldemort sitting in a plastic throne and listening to the Dixe Chicks CD "Fly" He was wearing a neon pink tu-tu and transfiguring the dead bodys at his feet into bunny rabbits(now you know were all the evil plot bunnies come from!) It was then that he relized that Voldie was JUST as crazy as all of the others at Hogwarts. So he left Voldie and went back to Hogwarts. He was going to try to turn the side of light into sane people. It was a daunting task but I'm sure that Sexy Severus can handle it. 82  

Like I said above, usage of the bunnies of doom is property of Moulin Rouge.
-Fleur De'talon 83   Will sombody tell this stupid Talon out of this story, please? 84  

Snape strode into the great hall to start his plan of making people sane when.... 85   he was stopped his, muscles wouldn't move.he looked ahead to find neville longbottom, he had casted a spell on snape to show his revenge.neville stuck his tounge at snape and ran.snape
was terribly angry and soon was raging. he broke the spell and dashed at neville thrashing through classes he even knoked over mcgonaglle(sorry i cant spell her name right)of course snape got a hard bash on the back of the head but he was still on to neville finally he caught neville and began to stranggle him. suddenly snape felt a soft tap on his shoulder it was dunbalodore with his arms crossed and tapping his foot.snape dropped neville abruptly and exited the great hall and entered his dormitory and thought "woh i havn't been that mad since my phisicly stupid aunt pulled all the hair off my pet cat powy with her nitting tweezers.snape fell asleep missing all his classes and dreamt... 86   he dreamed of flowers and kittens and ponies and unicorns...whoa! Snape woke up. " What a night mare!" Snape rubbed his head. "Sorry class, i must have dozed off."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and shook the heads giggling.
Snape stared viciously at them both.(I LUV THAT LOOK!)
As the day went by, Snape saw odd things. Such as Professor Qurille fluttering his eyes at professor Magonaglle and she would blush. When it was night, Snape went to go and check the Grifindore rooms, he saw Hemione siiting on Harry's bed talking to him when there faces were incredibly close. Snape... 87   screamed and threw Hermoine to the ground. "What the hell did you do that for!" yelled Harry.
"She's a vampire Potter! I just saved your tight little ass!" Sexy Sev shood Hermy out of the window and she turned into a bat and flew away into the Forest.
Thanx Proffesor!" said Harry silkily edging ever closer to Snape, "I should repay you."
Harry flew to his feet grabbed Sev's ass and Snape.... 88   SCREAMED! "Sick child!" Snape bolted out of the room and back to his dungeons. Snape ran into his room and his from the frightening Potter. He locked the door and nailed a board over it, just to make sure he would be safe from the scary, perverted vampire cildren. 89   Sev turned around and screamed agian. There was Harry Potter laying on his bed in a tight silk robe. "Hello Profferor." he said mildly, "thought you'd leave me behind did you?"
Snape knew that he had pnly two choices. He could ethier f*ck Harry into the bed or run for it. So he... 90   ran. ran far away, very far away, for a very long time. 91   After he ran VERY FAR AWAY he made his way to his Mother's House! He walked in only to find Norman Bates and his dead mother! Snape started to slowly back away. "Okaaay, this is very, very odd.." Snape ran out and looked up at his 'mother's house', but really he had mistaken in for the Bates Motel!!!

He decided to get a room and stay for the night. After he checked in he went to his room and bolted the door close, but not before checking his room for strange, perverted children. Sighing, he leaned against the wall. All of the sudden, there was a rumbling outside his door, as it grew louder and louder Snape crept up to the peephole to see what it was. It was the dreaded FANGIRLS!!!!!! (ahhhh!) Snape yelped and scrambled out of the back window. To his surprise he found... 92   himself back in his office at Hogwarts. He spun around to see the window he had just clambered through disappear. 93   He realized he was very flustered and decided to take a little nap. 94  

He had hoped to take only a nap, but instead he slept all the way threw the night. When he awoke he was dreding teaching the potions class with Potter in it. The Potter in question was at the moment dry heaving in the boys bathroom and it was very likly that he wasn't going to bother our sexy Poroffeser any time soon. Sevvie however didn't know this. But all thoughts about Potter were chased from his mind as he entered the Great Hall. "Oh my God!" he wispered under his breath. It was like walking into a damn nightmare. The Great Hall was... 95   crawling with FANGIRLS!!!!!!!!!!! 96   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 97   Snape passed out, whacking his head exceptionally hard as he fell.

Next thing he knew he was waking up, with a very sore head, somewhere with a very white and very boring roof. He attempted to sit up to observe his surroundings only to lose consciousness again, very quickly. When he came round again he was slightly more carefull with his movements and managed to work out that he was in the hospital wing, before his head began to throb. 98   Sencing a weakness the Fangirls snuck into the hospitle wing. Snape saw them and screamed again. He took out his wand and cursed them all back to where ever Fangirls live. Severus sighed, he was safe. For now. He still had to teach Potter in Potions. Oh the Horror. 99   However, he was still scarred from the moment when we was in Harry's room. *shudder* 100  

When Severus walked into the Potions class he saw the most horrifying thing known to man kind. It was worse then the Fangirls(if that's possible)It was worse then Talon it was... 101   the blonde cropped male from earlier. Snape froze. He narrowed his eyes at the blonde man suspisicously, as if he expected him to leap up and do something obscene. The blonde man stared back calmly. Snape made his way to the front of the classroom and began to call the roll: "Susan Bones...Hermione Granger...Draco Malfoy...David Gibson?...Who's David Gibson?"
The blonde man raised his arm. "You! you are not in my class! Get out of my classroom! NOW!". The blonde man rose to his feet and, without saying anything, left the room. 102   After the Blonde left the room Snape finished taking the rolecall and he told the class, "We will be making poisens today and then I will test one by making you drink it."
Hermy raised her hand, "Um Proffeser you will give us the antidote after you poisen us right?"
Sevvie gave her that sexy glare, "Sure Miss. Granger whatever you say, you keep thinking that." 103   'Stupid girl' Snape thought. Another person entered.
"Miss Lynch, why are you late?" he asked in a voice that was like silk. 104   "I'm sorry, professor," the young girl trembled as she took her seat. This girl was Kelly Lynch. She was 13 years young (though looked 17) and always had a perverse mind. Though she didn't act that way in front of her teachers. "Professor Flitwick wanted me to help him pack up some books." she told him. "Very well," Snape said softy. He looked her up and down as though trying to see what lied in those robes of hers. He scribbled something on a peice of parchment and dropped it on her table as he walked past. Kelly opened it as she bit her lip. 'Meet me after class' it said. Kelly bit her lip then looked up at Severus. He had a smirk playing about his lips. Kelly smiled back while biting her lip in lust. 105   After class Kelly walked up to Snape. He turned to her and said "Miss. Lynch you are a nasty little girl, get lost and don't come back; craw back to whatever hole you came from, NOW GO!!" Sexy Sev pointed his wand at her.
She squeaked and turned into a rat before scampering out of the dungens, never to appear in this story agian. Now, back to Snape. 106   Then, in a voice rather similar to a giant's "SIT DOWN MISS LYNCH! YOU ARE VERY LATE! DO YOUR BEST NOT TO INTERRUPT THE CLASS!". A very shaken 11 yr old girl shuffled to her seat and sat down. Snape began the class. About a third of the way through the class, Snape heard the familiar creak of the classroom door and turned to see David Gibson re-enter the room. Snape dropped the bottle of sliced caterpillars he was holding and the bottle smashed into a thousand pieces with a resounding crash. The whole class, stopped and stared as David made his way to the front of the classroom. Snape didn't move to pick up the bottle and as David walked towards him the class heard David say something and the two men left the room. A few minutes later the men came back to a room full of quiet chatter and David left in silence. "We shall continue this lesson tomorrow" said Snape shakily, "You are dismissed". As Snape walked down the hallway toward his office he contemplated his conversation with David. What could it all have meant? 107   DAMMIT! How the **** did that happen? 108   I have ignored that revolting paragraph written by Kelly and continued the story from number 104. I would like to thank Deity for her effective damage control. 109   Your welcome Fred. 110   Anyway, Snape locked his office door and saw sitting there behind his desk... 111   Kelly was right behind his desk! Snape smiled. "See what you like, professor?" Kelly asked playfully. Snape looked her up and down again.
"Oh yes," was all he managed to breathe. She got up and walked towards him. "Does the snake strike?" she asked. "Only when provoked," Snape said while grinning. He was now up against him and her hand was sliding up his shoulder. They leaned forward and engaged in a blissful french kiss. "Want to go to my chambers with me?" Snape asked. Kelly smiled in reply. They grabbed each others hand and trotted to Snape's private chambers. As soon as Severus closed the door, he found himself in a state of animal lust. They ripped off each other's clothes and started to make love. After an hour or so of this activity, it was time for the professor to get ready for the next class. "Thanks for the tumble," he whispered in her ear. "Anytime." she said while she gave a playful slap on his bum. Kelly left with a definet twitch to her hips. Snape packed up his books then strode to the dungeons. God! How he ever loved that Kelly Lynch. 112  

Suddnly Snape woke from a terrible nightmare. This bitch named Kelly was exploting him!! Luckly, none of the above happened, it was just a horrible terrible nasty nightmare. Snape got up, ready to teach his class.
Note to Kelly: Ir you ever write something like that agian you will pay, that was just WRONG you must be out to destroy the noble Snape's reputation. 113   was Kelly. "Miss Lynch, how did you get in here?" he asked softly. "I know all your secrets, where you keep them and what spells you use to hide them," she replied. "Very impressive," he told her. "Have you seen Delilah?" Delilah Moores was one of Kelly's best friends. They both had a huge crush on Snape. "Yeah," said Kelly a little heartbroken. "She's in the common room." Professor Snape strode from the room to the Slytherin Commom Room. "Crushed Velvet" he said then entered the dungeon common room. 114   Note to Deity: I can do whatever I like. What are you gonna do? Come up to the USA and kick my @ss? I think not! Delilah and I will amke your life a living hell. Now back to the story... 115   WOOOOOO GO KELLY! 116   When Severus entered the common room he murdered Delilah and Kelly then threw thier bodys in the lake. Everyone at Hogwarts cheered. They all hated those two. They needed lives. But now there dead and it was a little to late to get one. Severus walked back into his classroom to teach the anoying Potter and Co. Nothing exciting happened until Longbottom's culdron exploded blasting a part half the dungoens and sendeing the entire class to the Hospitle wing. Including poor Sevvie. 117   Note to Kelly and your little freind: I agree with Deity, you're gross and wrong, you need lives. But you're dead now so*shrugs*you can't get any.

Anyway back to Sev. He laid there in bed in great pain groaning and cusing out Neville(RUN NEVILLE RUN FOR THE HILLS!!) 118   And then Kelly was taken away and thrown into a village of Kelly-hating people. This is what happened...

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!

VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?

CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?

VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.

BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.

KELLY: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.

KELLY: They dressed me up like this.

CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.

KELLY: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.

BEDEVERE: Well?

VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE: The nose?

VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!

CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?

CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.

VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.

BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?

VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.

BEDEVERE: A newt?

VILLAGER #3: I got better.

VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!

CROWD: Burn! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

CROWD: Are there? What are they?

VILLAGER #2: Do they hurt?

BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?

VILLAGER #2: Burn!

CROWD: Burn, burn them up!

BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?

VILLAGER #1: More witches!

VILLAGER #2: Wood!

BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?

[pause]

VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE: Good!

CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...

BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.

BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.

BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?

VILLAGER #1: No, no.

VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!

VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!

CROWD: The pond!

BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?

VILLAGER #1: Bread!

VILLAGER #2: Apples!

VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!

VILLAGER #1: Cider!

VILLAGER #2: Uhhh, gravy!

VILLAGER #1: Cherries!

VILLAGER #2: Mud!

VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!

VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!

ARTHUR: A duck.

CROWD: Oooh.

BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically...,

VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE: And therefore--?

VILLAGER #1: A witch!

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!

BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales!

[yelling]

BEDEVERE: Right, remove the supports!

[whop]


[creak]

CROWD: A witch! A witch!

KELLY: It's a fair cop.

CROWD: Burn her! Burn her!

[thus, they burn her! HAHA!] 119   Oh yes, the script (which was slightly edited) is (c) of Monty Python. 120   Oh yes, the script (which was slightly edited) is (c) of Monty Python. 121   Yeah. Uh huh. Now back to Snape.

"You are all so imature," Snape told all the Slytherins. "Yes, Kelly was annoying, but please act your age and not your shoe size!"
All the Slytherins bowed thier heads. "We're sorry, professor," they all said in unison. 122   YYEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!! 123   Sorry, I just had to say that. 124   HAHAHA! I HAVE COME BACK AS A GHOST! HWAHAHAHA! 125   After the horrible Kelly incident Sexy Snape went back to class.He was dreading teaching pervert potter,so he gatherd his things and went to the dark forest.Potter knowingly followed him and yelled TAKE ME to sexy Sev.Sexy Sev knowing Potter would follow him sold him out to vol...he who must not be named and ran so fast up to the castle he passed out.

When Sexy Sev awoke he found himself strapped to a table without a shirt(MANY MUSCLES SUCH A HOT BODY!)He recognized the room and knew he was in the dungens.To his horror Sexy Sev was being held captive by the strange blonde man (David)!! Scared out of his wits he used his many muscles to brake the chains.He ran up to David and punched him in the nose and out of fun kicked him in the balls.Our Sex Sev then ran up to Dumbledores office.When he got there he found that it was no longer Dumbledores office it had been changed into a shrine to him.Girls from every year and house were there writing love notes and reciting poems.As soon as our hero walked in the girls screamed and ran to him.Scared for his life Sexy Sev ran out of the room and into the great hall for supper.The food was still green.He knew something was teribly wrong.Sexy Sev then thought of the one place he could go to for comfort....the chamber of secrets.(He only knew about it after potter opened it-HE IS NOT AN EVIL GUY he is just soooooooooo sexy as one)anyways Sexy Sev went to the chamber of secrets only to find pervert potter there with vol...he who must not be named.It seems that he had sudused vol...... he who must not be named.AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH Snape yelled I JUST WANT SOME PEACE WHY CANT ANY BODY LET MY SEXY SELF BE!!! Then suddenly out of an impulse the goast of talon appeared she said hello! then Sexy Snape toled her FUCK off that she is a HOE!

After that Sexy Snape left the Chamber Of Secrets and went back to his office and when he was about to kill himself with a poison he made David appeared and smashed the poison.STUPID ASS he yelled Why would you ever want your SEXY self dead?(He then cursed himself for calling the sexiest man alive a stupid ass)You are an important part to this world,David said.You are supposed to stop vol....he who must not be named from taking over the world.With your super sexy powers and oh so sexy evil look you are supposed to conquer vol....he who must not be named.Will you except the challenge? 126   (LOL!!!!!!! *almost dies laughing*) 127  

THE END 128   OF KELLY'S LIFE. 129   THE END OF THE STORY 130  

(Having not listened to 126-130)Yes I will accept the challenge replied sexy Snape.Your first task is to go defeat pervert potter.The only way to do that is to stab him through the heart with SpongeBob Squarepants spatchala.You must then go to the USA and kill pervert kelly,then come back to Hogwarts.

So Sexy Snape sets out on his long journey to find the spatchala.He firsts goes into the dark forest then he finally finds it in his unmentionable droor.Well I found it he murmured to himself.On his way to class our hero found himsef passing out again.When he awoke he was strapped to the wall of Dumbledoors office(now a shrine to him)Girls were all around him chanting and dancing with nothing but hula skirts and shell bras.He thought it was one of those horrible nightmares like the one with Kelly but it was REAL.His very large muscles were no use now,there was an enchantment on the chains.Our sexy Snape didnt know how he was going to get himself out of this one. 131  

Fleur De'Talon here, I am not dead and will be monitering the rest of this story. thank you. 132  

So he broke the enchantment on the chains and ran as fast as he could off to his office; Fangirls following him all the way. Sev took out his wand and blast about half of them to kingdom come but the rest caught up to him and draged him to the floor screaming and trying to get a part of his robe to take home with them. Poor Sev. How the hell is he going to survive? 133   Snape shed his robes and sprinted into to his office slamming the door behind him. as his eyes became accustomed to the dark, he noticed that his office no longed had any lights. 134   It seems that David had broken them out and was hiding in the corner.Sexy Sev screamed I NEED SOME PEACE AND QUIET GET THE FUCK OUT!David was uterly surprised,so he left but on his way out he told Sev that he hadn't yet killed pervert potter and the fangirls at this very moment were finding a way into his office.Bye Bye now if you don't need help said David. 135   So Sev found the SpongeBob spatula and kicked down his door and murdered all the Fangirls with the spatula, but before he could get to Potter the evil bunny with big sharp pointy teeth bit off Potter's head before Sexy Snape could get him. 136  

"What the hell?" Sexy Sev yelled. He waved his Sponge Bob spatula around wildly. His office was filled with bunnies. It was all too much for Snape. He pulled out his wand and muttered an incantation. The bunnies were coming . . . they were almost there . . . but then he disappeared, to reappear in a remote part of Australia. 137   He looked around. "Great" he muttered shaking is head, "How the hell am I going to get back to Hogwarts?" Sexy Sev took out his wand and blasted a huge hole in the ground. For no reson just beacause. He then apperated back to Hogwarts; however he forgot about the aperation barriers and he was sucked into a black hole and appered on Starship Voyager. There he met Bart from the Simpsons who was held captive. Now, because Sev dosn't like it here he jumped out a window and floated back to Hogwarts. What an adventure! And if you can't tell I'm high on Dr. Pepper. Back to Sev... 138  

falling through the second window that day he found himself back in his office. there the most horrifying sight he could imagine, there sat potter!(dun dun dun) the potter the bunny had killed was a decoy(it wasn't a very good decoy because it was rubber and had deflated as soon as it was bit). seasoning his chance with a bit of garlic and pepper sexy sev stabbed the real perverted potter through the head(the eye to be exact) with the sponge bob square pants spatula. Half of sexy sev's mission was over. 139  

Since Sexy Sev had completed the first part of the mission he went to his office(locked the door behind him)and thought he could get some peace and quiet,until David came right up behind him and yelled ITS NOT OVER YET that was only the first part of the mission.Your next mission is 140   David grinned slyly
"You MUST SING WITH THE OFFSPRING!!! " They are guests to Hogwarts and Dexter, is expecting you to sign a along with him!!" The blonde male let his head back in a fit of laguther, then wandered out into the corridor. Snape was horrifed! The offspring? Music? Singing? ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'D ALL TO MUCH TO TAKE!!!! So, very shakily and fuming, Snape started making a potion. A potion to calm himself down, but in his frustratin he actually made one that changed him into a teenager! Snape poured the liqiud into his mouth, the steaming hotness licking along the inside of his throat. Poor Sev. Little did he know what it was doing, he grasped his throat and spluttered electrical looking sparks out in a great shower. Then poor sexy sev fell to the floor, writhing in pain. His mind was twisting into different shapes, his vision was blurred like the road on rainy days. His entrie body was twisting and deforming, falling out of shape. Just as it felt as though the pressure of the potion would kill him. 141  

It all stopped. The whirring, the pain, the sparks, the anger. It was gone. Why, why did the world feel...Dfferent? He felt, weak, small and lighter. He didn't realise his robbes were far to big, and were wallowing around him in black puddle like treacle. He didn't notice the ripped, black jeans and the black top, studded and ripped. Safety pns were studded all over him. Snape brought a logn pale hand up to his hair, attempting to brush it through. He couldn't, his long black locks were gone! 142  

In there place was nothing less then, high, towering green spikes, gelled firmly into position. Severus's face went paler *is that possible?* His dark, beautiful eyes widened.
"This...is...my...teenage....hair......OH GOD NO!!!!" he screamed, standing up and racing into the hall, screaming as he saw his Teenage form come back to light. He forced the doors open and ran inside the candle lit room. He stopped dead in his tracks. The offspring were here already! Oh god no! MJoodles stood up and grabbed his guitar, adjusting his glasses.
"Yay, who let this kid in here?" Demanded Dexter, looking straight at dumbledore, who merely smiled and said.
"Why i do believe it's Severus Snape! Good to see you Severus, i do like your new style rather fetching!" he chortled portly. Snape flushed and growled. 143   Opps! My mistake, it's NOODLES! made a typo, Mjoodles.sorry. 144   All the Children were laughing at him even Dumbledore,Sexy Sev couldnt take it so he ran out of the Great Hall.He didnt look where he was going so he ran in to David.David just laughed and said see what you did to yourself?Sexy Sev looked back him and aangerly yelled ME I DIDN'T DO THIS!! YOU AND THE OFFSPRING DID! NOW I NEED PEACE AND QUIET SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE(while saying this he gave that oh so sexy evil frown)SO I CAN FIND A REVERSING POTION. 145   ok,said David caumly i'll go but you won't find the reversing potion here you will have to search yourself for it if you know what I mean. 146   Snape, after being left alone for approx. 10 mins, had found the reversing potion and was back to his normal self. He decided it was probably time for another meal (seeing as he hasn't eaten in at least 4 days). As he exited the dungeons, heading for the kitchens, he saw David leaning against the wall, waiting for him. " i see you found it" David said quietly. Snape was about to reply, when they both heard an amazing whooshing noise. They turned to see a gigantic, fire-breathing dragon bearing down on them. 147   Sexy Sev imediatly pulled out his wand and shot confuse rays at the dragon.He knew that only him and David wouldn't be able to fight off the Dragon alone so they called a friend for help. 148   In a loud voice Severus called out,"FLYING NIMBUS!!"And from a far off distance David made out a small cloud that got closer at stopped infront of Snape. "What the hell is this?" David cried out. Just then the dragon bit Davids head off and he died. Severus watched Davids soul float up to Heaven. He says a few words then turns around to face the dragon. Davids soul falls down to hell. 149   Snape turns around in confusion wondering what made that sound then shrugs and points his wand at the dragon. The dragon for some reason falls down dead. Snape starts to wonder why the hell it died when he suddenly comes to realization that it died because 150   it just couldn't kill our Sexy Snape.He then relized that he hadn't eaten for a week and when he stumbled to the great hall he relized why.All the food was now not only green but was turned into moled.With his brilliant mind he then relized everyone was under the imperial curse(is that right?). 151   (everyone was eating it*) 152  
This story has way too much lame imperial curse stuff going on. I am offically bored with ther way this story has been going and if you goons do not make it more interesting, i will e-mail the creator of this site and tell him or her to empty this story out so we can start a new one. 153   (Deity is stupid and is being bitchy cuz she can;t write anything interesting!!!!!!!) 154  

WOOO! Whoever wrote about 'flying nimbus!' DRAGONBALL Z ROCKS! as does all other anime ^_^ Ya, ok....i'm gonna write more KARAAZEEEE stuff. 155  

Actually, i can't really be arsed. Somebody else go write something ^_^ I'm gonna listen to Bowling 4 soup... 156  

What makes you think that I am a girl, Karina? 157  

Okay, yall may think that I am some kind of nerd amd all, but listen to this, K?
WILL ALL YALL PLEASE GET TO THE STUPID STORY AND QUIT FIGHTING LIKE THE Z GANG AND CELL? GOOD LORD!

~Fleur De'Talon 158   (YOUR NAME IS A GIRLS NAME)anywayz to get back to our hero Sexy Snape. 159   (Oh yeah you act like a bitch!and a bitchy girl!!!!) 160   Our hero finding himself not hungry anymore left the great hall(since he really didn't care about the annoying little kids)Suddenly,out of nowhere appeared invader Zim GIVE ME ALL YOUR HUMANS TO EXPERIMENT ON he yelled AND I WILL NOT HURT YOU.Sexy Snape now being fed up with all the cartoon characters interupting his peace he pulled out his wand and shot Zim to the island of the fangirls.Snape being very proud of himself walked to his office.Since now one was under there own will to come to class he sat quietly making some unfrizziness potion for his hair. 161   And you don't act like one, Karina? 162   Nope 163   Snape is the greatest professor ever. He is logical. he is Kool. 164  

Okay, let's start a new adventure for Sev because this is going way out of wack(not that I mind)*grins* So anyway... Sev one day met man named Slate. Slate was an undercover agent for the FBI and had lots of really big guns*mwahahaha* Severus, much to his displesure, was pared with Slate on a special mission. The mission was to... 165   Is this the nice deity or the mean deity? 166  

Snape askes Hanna out BUT she needs to confess...She's already going out with Quirrell!Snape's little heart is BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(little heart) 167   THATS CRAP!!!!!! IT IS AN ABOMINATION TO HAVE SNAPE GO OUT AND SLEEP WITH ANY ONE UNDER 18 AND ANY ONE AS HE HAS NO SAY IN THIS STORY!!!I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEGDE #167 !!!! 168   I AM TIRED OF SEEING PEOPLE ACT LIKE SNAPE IS IN LOVE WITH THEM OR THEY WENT OUT AND SLEPT TOGETHER I AND I HOPE OTHERS WILL NOT ACKNOWLEGDE ANY ONE WHO DOES THAT!!!!!!!! 169  

(the mission was to)---Australia.Snape and the annoying Slate had to find Vol.....he who must not be named and descize themselves as death eaters. 170   there is only one deity, Karina. i am sorry about that little tidbit earlier. I went kind of out of whack. sorry.

~Deity

171   ok ? anywayz Snape and Slate apperated to australia to find vol....he who must not be named. 172   As they were walking down the street, Snape stared at slate disgusted while he was picking at
gummy bear discovered in his pocket.
“Hey! Gummy bears from grade one! Cool!”
Snape shifted away and quivered.
“hey sexy Sev... if you don’t mind me calling you that... do you want a gummy bear? they’re nice
and soft.” Slate flushed trying to conceal his face with his skinny shoulder.
“Yes i definatly do mind you calling me that and no i d not want that what ever you call it candy
swilvling aroung in my mouth, being chewed for quite some time end on end for pleasure. i
don’t understand you insolent brats with you and your sweets. Makes me sick!” said Snape with
a horred sneer.
Slate hung his head in embarassment and sighed heavily.
About 30 feet abouve severus’s head was a hotel with a firmilliar visage standing out in the
window.
“I know that face,” Snape squinted his eyes to clear the view from the blinding sun’s rays.
“Malfoy?”
It looked like the figure was moving around a lot.
“You stay here Slate,” he demanded.
“Okay Sexy sev” he said happily
“grr...”snape growled running onside the hotel.
“Oh! Bubble gum!” Slate squatted down to the side walk to examine the black dirty gum.
“Excuse me,”snape said “But do you know where i could find Mr. Draco Malfoy?”
“Yes room 666 floor 7” the tired old man stated pointing to the elevators.
Snape nodded and headed towards the elevators. Oh ... number 666, my favourite!!!! Snape
grinned dumbfounded pushing the elevator button.
“here we are,” he said. Snape knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again but this time
more serverly. still no answer. he put his ear to the door and he heard hard breathing and tiring
yelps.
“malfoy?” he whispered to himself”what is he doing?”
Snape suddenly knocked down the door and spotted Hermione ontop of Malfoy both naked
acting jack rabbits. harry however was on the couch...naked too... looking anxoius for something
looking at both of them... as if he were eager and impatient for a turn. To snape’s surprise, it
looked like Malfoy enjoyed it.
Malfoyed glanced up back at snape scared as ever as hermione removed he lips from his and
looked strangly at them. hemione licked her lips nastily while looking at snape.
Harry noticed to but he just had to blurt out,”okay malfoy you had you turn now it’s mine with
hermione!”

Hermione’s a PROSTITUTE!! Snape thought in awe.
“Go ahead you can have her... “ malfoy grinned nastily.
“I get the best part of all,” he said licking his lips staring at snape.
Snape smiled back. as harry got ontop of hermione, she threw his glasses on the carpet, the
couch vibrating with moving nasty moves and french kissing, Snape stripped himself and got
ontop of malfoy with a slick grin. Snape then...
~*Keito*~

173   (don't mind my nasty mind!!)
*grins*
I LOVE SEXY SEV SNAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*breathe*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 174  

HAVING NOT LISTENED TO THE NASTY PART-When Snape entered the room he saw Malfoy holding Pervert Potter and Hermione captive.Snape got an evil grin from ear to ear.He knew to stop vol...he who must not be named he could use Potter for bait. 175  

Snape got a big cage and opened it. Draco fangirls attacked poor little Draco and he soon was dragged away by his fangirls.
"How could you?" Draco screamed. Snape laughed evily and grabbed Potter.
"Sorry, Malfoy, but you had to go!" Snape said. Draco puffed up his cheeks and pouted. Draco was dragged away by his rabid fangirls. Snape looked at Harry. Harry gulped. "I will soon defeat the Dark Lord!" Snape laughed. Harry freaked out.
"But sir, you can't defeat him! I'm supposed to defeat him! You'll mess up the whole Harry Potter book series!" Harry whined.
"They make a book series about you?" Snape asked.
"YEAH!" Harry Squeled. 176  
"Can you please put some clothes on? The site of you naked is distrubing!" Snape demanded. 177   (sorry about the nasty part. I don't like it anymore!!)
"Yes sir!" Harry nodded, Hemione also agreeing.
"Sir," Hermione bowed after just putting her robe on, "I..."

BANG, CRASH!!!

"whoa! what happened??!!" Harry and Hermione gasped looking dizy and confused.
"The last thing i remember was Malfoy taking out his wand..." Harry held his head.
" Same here..." agreed Hermione.
"Oh it was Draco! he put them under a spell! That disgusting pervert! brat...! he had to let me see those disturbing sites..."
Hermione looked around and then saw Harry...naked...!
" OH MY GOD HARRY!!! GET SOME CLOTHES ON FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Harry looked down and gasped.
"OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!!!????" harry ran towards his robe for a desperate conceal.
"You obviously had no idea..." Snape chipped in. Well... I better go back and search for Vol... uh You-Know-Who."
"Oh why won't anybody just say it!!! VOLDEMORT!!!!" harry burst out.
"Harry!!!" harmione calmed him.
"I- I better be going. and next time i see you potter... you better have some clothes on!" Snape growled.
I hope I ditched Slate... he thought exiting the hotel.

(PS - I'm really sorry guys about the story the-the nasty one. i feel disgusted. in all my writtings... i'v NEVER EVER used my talent for such language and images!!!!

Excitingly sorry, Keito) 178   no problem Kieto just don't do it again,PLEASE!

When Snape got outside he saw Slate still chewing the crusty peice of something he had found in his pocket.YUCK!Snape thought.He couldn't stand being around Slate any longer so he snuck out through the backway and headed towards....... 179   the back yard (lol) and escaped from that horrible, annoying, disgusting, stupid etc. Slate. He walked along way aside the deserted sidewalk and wanted a ride to somewhere where he could rest. he looked around wearily and heaved a heavy sigh as there was no veichle anywhere in site. he then saw a a dark figure, and widened his eyes to clear the vision. it was a car. snape jumped up and down like a madman and forgot to stick up his thumb... but the driver pulled over anyway.

"oh thank you! please take me somewhere i could rest..." snape breathed not looking at the driver.

"Sure Sexy Sev!" said a high squeaky voice happily. it was a fimiliar voice to snape.

"oh no... AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And Slate stepped on the break and sped fast as he could go. snape wanted to commit sucide. but then..... 180  
(is this better? i think so!!!!! i couldn't think of anything so i just wrote that slate came back)

Keito 181   Thats cool We all get writers block!
anuwayz then....Slate pushed the brakes as hard as he could for there was Lord Voldermort in the middle of the road.Our sexy Sev. knew what to do.He threw Potter in the rode as bait ,while Voldie. was closing in on Potter Snape yelled Expelliarmis(wand taking away spell)and Put Voldie in an unbrakable cage.NOOOOOOO Not Gatcher,Voldie yelled,and he hunkered down in his cage.With no warning Someone spoke in a deep enchanting voice"What you don't like me anymore?"To Snapes surprise it was Slate.What....??? Snape mummbled."Yes I know you are surprised but I had to keep my identity hidden until voldermort was captured,I am VERY sorry for being annoying and calling you Sexy snape" 182   And then he gave Snape a
jelly baby. 183   And then Moaning Myrtle showed up. 184   And then Moaning Myrtle showed up. 185   Again. Apparantly the shock of seeing Slate had given Snape double vision. (Hey, I had to cover my mistake somehow!) 186   Snape ate the jelly baby, then, since it was poisoned, he died. The End. 187   Then, he woke up, he was just knocked out, it was a false ending. 188   Snape suddenly woke up from his little nightmare in a cold sweat, he moaned as he looked at the stack of ungraded parchment on his desk, then looked over at the clock "5:30 in the morning! DAMN IT!". He continued throughout the night to grade the parchments.

Everyone filed into potion's class with Snape looking even more grumpier than ever but sexy none the less. He was gazing over at Harry as Harry at that exact moment noticed him satring at him like he was trying to mind read him, Snape realized this and started his usual class ritual of tormenting Neville. Snape was sitting at his desk in deep thought wondering if he should tell Harry about his childhood past with his parents, Snape hated Harry only because he is related to that scum James Potter but yet protects him because Lily's blood lives with in him, reminding him of her rich green eyes and her shyness. Snape was never nice to harry because well Snape is never nice to anybody. Harry and Ron noticed that Snape wasn't doing his usual walking up and down the ailes and tormenting every Gryffindor in the class. "What is wrong with Professor Snape?" asked Harry in a low whisper to Ron, "Who cares as long as he doesn't bother us." said Ron, Harry just shrugged at Ron and continued his thoughts back to Snape, 'What are you thinking' thought Harry as he eyed Snape again. Everyone in the class now noticed Professor Snape's odd behavior and began to start talking but Snape just sat in deep thought not even noticing the talkative class until Neville made his cauldren explode. Snape snapped back to reality and strolled over to Neville and simply told him to clean it up, everyone stared wide eyed mouths open at Professor Snape, then Snape said class is over. Harry was really worried again about Snape he never lets anyone go for letting a potion explode in his class and not torment the poor kid until he was ready to cry. Snape went back to his desk and started shuffling some parchments, "Professor Snape are you OK!" he looked over his parchments and found the last person he thought that would be concerned for him, none other than Harry Potter. "Yes of course I am fine." snapped Snape, making Harry jump back a little, "I am sorry I bothered you then." Harry said then smiled and walked out. Snape just stared at the door, 'I should have told him.' thought Snape, "Damn it how I wish he is more like his father than his mother. Then I could punish him with pure enjoyment and not worry I am hurting Lily." yelled Snape at the his empty classroom, but then the door opened and Harry poked his head in and just stared at Snape, and asked how he knew his mother and father. Snape just looked at him still dumbfounded that he was spying on him right outside his own classroom. Harry dared not to put too much of his body in Snape's class just for the fact that Snape is probally gonna kill him for eavesdropping. Snape looked straight at Harry and asked him to come in and shut the door. 189  

He realized that Harry got the perverted vampire side of his personality from James, then wondered how best to honor Lily's memory in his dealings with Potter. 190   Snape shivered at that thought. he sat to his student's homework for correction. he thought of Lily. though he knew the were siblings he deeply loved her and always wanted to curse james.
" that asshole!!!" shouted snape
"he can suck my pale white dick!"

fact - sorry guys my friend here is sick and is tempting me to write this or i'll like... die HELP!! i seriously would never do this! okay he's getting mad so i'll keep writing.

so he took a hissy fit as lupin walked in looking at him odly. Then...

191   -this is my friend

~Keito^_^

snape pulled up a gun from behind his back and shot lupin right in the nuts. lupin fell to the floor and snape shot him again but in the head.

later that day snape went on a killing spree and shot everyone......(yes even harry)

the he left leaving all the bodies there to rot. he didnt leave anyone alive.

(yes people the storys over) THE END 192   Okay that was not supposed to end. keep ging from my story

Keito 193  

Then, Moaning Myrtle, who had been watching with horror, pulled out a time turner and went back in time to just before 191 and offered Snape a goblet of poison. "Please die and share my toilet" she cooed. And then Snape 194   "Only if I can fuck you first, before i die," said snape, smiling. 195   And then Harry, who was still wondering why Snape had told him to come in and shut the door, opened the door again and ran screaming from the room to go get Nearly Headless Nick. Snape had only said that to Moaning Myrtle to get revenge on Harry for that aforementioned scene ithe bedroom, and it had worked magnificently. 196   As Snape walked off down the corridor, he smiled happily to himself and felt like bragging to someone. but he had no one to brag too. but his fate suddenly ran him into the ground as soon as he saw Nearly Headless Nick looking cross and ready to curse. Nearly headless Nick...

~Keito^_^ 197   was really and truly p*ssed off. 198  

Luckily for Snape, Dobby the house elf then came around the corner, an urgent look on his face. "Sir must come with Dobby, right now, Sir." Nearly Headless Nick backed off in surprise as Dobby took Snape's hand and headed for Snape's private rooms.

There they met Winky, another house elf, who was standing patiently with a large room service type tray balanced carefully on her head. "Sir must eat," she said. "Sir has had a hard week."

They went into Snape's rooms, where he gratefully sat down and lifted the cover from the tray, which was filled with all his favorite things to eat. He ate quickly at first, then slowed down as he realized how tired he was.

Winky took the dishes away to wash them and left Dobby to help Snape out of his suit and into his gray nightshirt. Then Dobby tucked Snape into bed and said, "Goodnight, Sir," right before joining Winky in the kitchen.

Snape slept as if he hadn't slept in a week, which really he hadn't, at least not in his own bed. He awoke relaxed and refreshed and hoped that all of the previous events were now finished and he could get back to studying his fungus. But this was not to be. This new day was to prove to be crazier then all the days of the last week put together.

199   he had just found out that he was to get his hair washed and a plastic sugary... a gift from a stranger. Yes of couse, our dear Severus was nevous about his palstic sugary, but for God's sake A HAIR WASH!!!!!! He sent a message to the spa about the plastic sugary explain about not wanting to end up like Micheal Jackson and... well his hand went cold and stiff about the hair wash. he decided to get a hair wash after all. I mean... how many have insulted the style of his hair. Calling him 'Slimeball' and so on and so forth. He wanted to find out who the stranger was. Was the stranger trying to embarass him or was the person
kind hearted enough send him something you think some one would need most. He took the plastic sugary as an insult though it could of been compliment. What he did was... 200   refuse the plastic surgery flat out after looking in the mirror one more time and realizing just how darn sexy it was. And then.. 201   (His nose, that is. His nose is very sexy.) Anyway, then .. 202   Out of nowhere Lord Voldemort walks in. Blsting everything in site, Hermione heard the big boom, and went to look out side. She peeked around the corner, saw Voldemort, and ran, as fast as she could, to Professer Dumbledore.Meanwhile all of the students are screaming for help, while Voldemort laughs, and kills, and desroys more.

"Expelliermus!", yells Snape. The spell hit Voldemort hard in the back, he went flying, and hit the ground hard. Get back up, didn't say a word. Just smiled and said, "Avada Kedavra!". And before you know it, Snape hit the ground. Voldemort laughed an evil laugh, and went on his way down the school, blasting whatever he sees.


203  

But, as it turned out, the wand he was using was one of Fred and George's trick wands, which promptly turned into a rubber chicken. Everyone who had fallen down got back up-they had just fallen down because of sheer shock.

Snape stood up, rubbed his temples, and wondered why on earth all these people who supposedly had major crushes on him kept trying to kill him. Oh well, he decided, there is just no figuring out fangirls. And then...
204   HE WAS ELECTED SEX GOD OF THE YEAR BY THE FAN GIRLS!!! YAY!!!!! *cough* yeah 205   Snape wanted a vacation after that crazy election. But he would feel alone going to his favourite place in the whole world... Portugal.(my country yeah!!) He decided to ask Dumbledore and the both flew outta Hogwarts like a bucking horse! (had to say that... just got back from a week of horse camp...) They went to the beach and saw... well... y'know it was a private beach so... you know what he saw.
(incase you didn't know...uh...naked women) But then Snape saw the worst site in his life. a person he recgonized ruined his whole trip... practicly his life at that site!!!! it was... 206   the annoying Harry Potter, followed closely by Hermoine and Ron. 207   Just how did Fred and Goerge slip a fake wand in Voldemorts hands, just answer that for me.(This is not a part of the story.) 208   Well, before he walked in on Snape and started blowing up things, he stopped in the boys' bathroom, and when he put his wand down on the sink so he could use the urinal, somebody (not necessarily Fred or George, just somebody who wanted to play a joke, somebody who didn't even know it was Voldemort) switched his wand with the fake one. It was so good, it looked like the spells done with it actually worked, but just for a few minutes. Then it turned into the chicken. That's how. Now, on with the story... 209   LOL 210   Thank you, unknown. 211   I'm lost... can we just start writing the story...
(starting now... Didn't I put something about portugal in here? where is it?)

Snape... 212  
Oh! lol! I get it. okay...

Snape nudged Dumbledore on the shoulder, but he was already snoring loudly on his lawn chair with some visible white sunblock on his nose wearing a hawaiian shirt, a hawaiian neclace thing(?) and beige shorts. Snape however was wearing... A SPEEDO! (*grins*) Snape did not want those medling children to see what he was wearing so he ran to the mens rest rooms. Hermione looks good in a bathing suit... Snape thought... i wonder what she would look like in a bikini...
"WHOA!!! Get a grip of yourself man!!!!!" he shouted to himself in shock and disgust. Snape then... 213  

turned around and noticed that Harry had followed him into the restroom. "You never did tell me how you knew my Mum and Dad," Harry said. And then... 214   Harry smilled silly.
"...Professor...*cough* what are...*cough* wearing?!" Harry coughed trying not to laugh as his face went crimson red. Snape however went slightly pink. (well if he were Harry's colour skin he's go as red as him... but since he's...well quite white.that's pretty darn dark for our SEXY SEV)Harry couldn't hold his smile no longer.
"Who dichya wanna impress??!!"
Harry burst into a howl of laughter right into Snape's face. snape was about to...(do something horribliy bad!!!!) but ha managed to hold him raging temper. "well...Harry..." he said quite firmly,"I got this from my mum... she thought i looked cute and i never go out buying bathing suits cuz it's not myself and this is the only one i have..." he went shrilly.
"oh" Harry rubbed his face from his aching muscles in his face and wipped his wet eyes.
"anyway...i knew your mum..." Snape hesitated and shrivled a tear. he cleared his throat and continued as curiosity wipped across Harry's red face. "because she was my highschool sweet...uh she went to school with me," snape
added quickly. "and i knew your dad because he would always play tricks with his friends on me and then...well i hate to admit... though you already know...uh...he... saved my life..." snape lowered his head."why do you ask? didn't you already know?"
Harry answered with a breif...

~Keito^_^




215   glance of incredulity. "Well, duh!" Harry said. "Tell me why you yelled 'Damn it how I wish he is more like his father than his mother. Then I could punish him with pure enjoyment and not worry I am hurting Lily.' at your empty classroom the other day."

"After all," Harry continued, glancing pointedly at the Speedo, "You can't have that much left to hide!"

216  















Snape stared into the seething intense purple liquid, ruminating on whether to add a pinch of porcupine quills or a bottle caterpillar bile. As he comptemplated this, his thoughts began to wander, and eventually rested on recent events at Hogwarts. It was lucky Dumbledore had removed that spell, otherwise...
The cauldron boiled over and Snape cursed as he attempted to save his robes from further ruination. Stepping back from the overflowing cauldron Snape walked right into Dumbledore, "I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you Severus...". Snape listened intently as Dumbledore explained the problem.
217   "The problem, my dear Severus, is that someone has broken into this story and stolen several paragraphs. It is most likely the work of dark wizards or witches unknown. What on earth shall we do?" Dumbledore said.
218  
yeah sorry guys... i made the paragraph thing... and i don't know what happened...

Severus sratched his his head and suggested... 219   "Well, Albus, what we need to do is figure out why I am standing here at Hogwarts with boiled over goo from a cauldron all over my robes when the last thing I knew I was in Portugal in a Speedo having a very emberassing conversation in a changing room with that Potter. I'm sure I don't know how this happened. Maybe whoever stole the paragraphs will explain what happened if you agree to be lenient."

"Great idea!" Dumbledore beamed. "Tell us what happened, whoever you are, and we won't throw you in Askaban after all. Unless, of course, there is only a dumb explanation for how my Potions Master got back from Portugal and is now brewing purple stuff."

220   "WHAAAAA!" Snape screamed as he was lying on the dirty ground of a public change room. "Oh my GOD! what happened?"
" Well, after I said 'You don't have that much to hide'
you passed out," Harry said knowingly.
" I had the strangest dream that I was talking to Dumbledore and were talking about putting someone in Azkaban after several paragraphs have been stolen..." he went quiet.
" Uh okay..." Harry said.
" So whay are you in Portugal?" Snape asked.
Harry responded with... 221   HE HE HE HE HE HE! (back to the story now! sorry i just had to do that!)

Keito
222   "Well, I realized that I had more money than my grandchildren could ever spend, so I treated the Grangers and Weasleys to this little trip, but," Harry paused while Snape nodded and got up and sat on a bench, "I asked you first," he finished, sitting next to Snape so their eyes were, for once, level. "What did you mean when you said you wished I was more like my father than my mother because you didn't want to hurt my mother? I am going to keep asking you this until you answer," Harry begged sweetly but firmly. 223  
" well... i have no clue..." (Seriously... i don't know what the question means...lol!) " Please!"

" I have no clue i told you,"Snape said once again.

" Oh come on," Harry begged again.

" I TOLD YOU I HAVE NO CLUE FOR THE THIRD TIME!" Snape repeated in a more tense and furious voice."okay i give up!" harry raised his arms and slopped them back down.

" That was was easy. why did you give up?"

" Oh i can't stand being told something or asked something 3 times! it just irritates me!"

"No, no, no!" Snape teased.

" STOP!" harry shouted pressing his hands to his ears firmly.

"Why, why, why!?" Snape teased again in amusement.

"okay please..." Harry gave him the puupy look. that sad...helpless...pathetic...
puppy look. MUST ...RESIST!!!!!

"oh fine!" Snape said. "i can speak Portuguese! YOU CAN'T! HA HA!"

"i will ask you later though," harry said

"okay give me you best shot!" harry folded his arms.

"Okay... uh... Tu es ou menina ma! ha! bettcha can't beat that!"

"uh... you just said i'm was a bad girl..." harry said giggling.

" okay...whatever... uh how about this! Te es muito faia!"
severus snapped back.

"uh you mean feio... that's the feminine sort..." harry smiled giving him a pathetic look. (that means you are very ugly... from what snape said it was feminine like there is in french)

"oh whatever let's see you speak!" snape yelled

"okay" harry began, " tu es muito feio, muito estranho, uh...assim...branco et tenha um nariz curvado!"harry hissed. Snape stood there looking at him with no clue what so ever of waht he said.

"uh i understand the ugly part but not the rest,"

"it's better if i don't tell you..." harry said slowly.

"oh fine!" he hissed.
They both walked off talking about...

(what harry said was... you are very ugly, very weird, so...white... and have a crooked nose!...sorry about waht he said but that's wut i think harry thinks about him)

Keito
PS - i'm a portuguese poo quotes my cousin!


224   Everything....."severus..."
"what?" i have something to tell you...well me and ron...well were not exactly straight.....um....weve been together for like ever now...and um...ive seen the way you look at me in class and i was wondering if...... 225   now you are as grossed out as I was when I saw you in that Speedo!! Ha ha ha!!"

Emberassed, Snape then put on a long tee shirt and shorts over his Speedo. Then they left the changing room and saw Ron and Hermoine using two seperate straws to drink out of the same glass of soda. It was like walking into a Norman Rockwell painting. And then Dumbldore, who had woken up from his nap, came up to them. 226  























Snape listened to the echo of his footsteps as he proceeded down the hallway. Relaxing a little he began to humm to himself. He had had a very successful day all up. His potion had worked perfectly and lunch had been cooked to perfection. Turning right, he walked through a door and into an empty classrom. Crossing the floor, he came to a sheer brick wall and muttered something under his breath. there was a loww rumble and a doorway opened up before him. Entering his secrect laboratory, he notcied that several of his potions had changed colour. Sighing happily, he left again and retruned to his classrom. 227  

There he found Albus Dumbledore waiting for him. "My dear Severus," he said, "it would seem that the paragraph thief is at it again. There is an unnaturally big gap between parts 226 and 227, and part 227 bears no apparant relationship to part 226."

Snape was furious. "How the bloody hell does this keep happening? I don't appriciate having my life jump around randomly like this, I really do not. Do I look like Billy Pilgrim to you?"

"Calm down, Severus," Dumbledore soothed. "I am sure we will solve this problem soon."

228   WHO EVER IS DOING THAT, PLEASE STOP!!!!!!! STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT! PORTUGAL IS BEAUTIFUL SO LET HIM SATY THERE! *cough*

" severus... severus..." Dumbledore shook him with that white, big and visible nose right in his face, (that outta wake him up!)

"somebody stole paragraphs in my dream again!" Snape yelled.
Harry giggled and shook his head while the others looked at him oddly.

" Severus, i think you have a sleeping disorder!" Dumbledore said. Harry then looked at Ron and hermione sipping their drink with 2 straws in one one cup.

"Ron! wha..." Harry gasped.

"sorry harry. i was naver gay. i just used to be my friend... i - i am straight..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I kinda hoped you were bisexual." harry blushed.

"no of couse not!!!" Ron shouted

" well i was never gay either... friends again?"

"YES!" Ron said happily.
(now... who ever said that harry and ron were gay together i think it was Faye i HATE YOU!)

after that was settled... 229   Snape said, "Okay, you guys have made your point. You can stop grossing me out now-I will never wear a Speedo again." and then... 230   Snape's mother, Carmella walked in. "MUM!" Snape yelped concealing his black Speedo with his hands.
" Sevey nevy babykins! how is my baby? you're wearing the Speedo i gave you!" Sha said happily. "and i'll make sure it's never worn again!" snape mumbled to himself. Ron, Harry and Hermione giggled covering their mouths. Snape groaned. "hi mum..."snape said angrily embarassed. Dumbledore... 231   didn't bat an eyelash. "It is indeed an honor and a pleasure to meet you, my dear Madame Snape," he said as he kissed her hand.

Then Snape said, "I would have sworn I put a tee shirt and shorts on over this Speedo. I guess it was that sleeping disorder problem again." Then he ran to the changing room and put on a tee shirt and shorts. When he came back out, he noticed that... 232   The short was too small.
"Fuck.What the hell do I do now?"He said in his angry voice.Then he decided that It willl be good if he slept naked. So he took off all of his clothes. And as he was ready to sleep the door opened at there was stnding.........................
233   Elina! His beloved girl friend.She was naked too.Snape's eyes went wide.He went closed and gave her a lovely kiss on mouth..Then thay both lied on the bed and they 234  

"Severus! Wake up, honey!" a maternal female voice said. Snape opened his eyes to see his mother, Dumbledore, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all looking at him with concern.

"You collapsed again," Dumbledore said kindly. "We've got to find out what is wrong-we can't have our talented potions master suffering like this."

So Dumbledore called his good friend Keito, who lived in Portugal and knew just what doctor to send Snape to. Snape was then diagnosed with narcolepsy. And then...
235  




















Snape listened to the creaking of his chair as he leaned and further back. That bottle was almost within reach now...
There was an enormous thump as Snape landed, rather gracelessly on the floor. He cursed and, picking the chair up, he grasped the offending bottle. He violently stuck the sticky label to the bottle and replaced it on the shelf. Seating himself once more, he continued to write out sticky labels. 236   And then he woke back up, back on the beach in Portugal. "Well, that's narcolepsy for you," he sighed wearily. "I fell instantly into REM sleep again and had a weird dream."

"That's okay," Hermione said. "We love you anyway." 237   Keito suddenly entered the scene. " Keito!" Dumbledore smiled widly. " Dumbledore meu amigo, como esta?" she said proudly. (translation: Dumbledore my friend! How are you?)
"bom, muito bom!" He hugged her. (translation: good, very good!)
" Dumbledore, you never told me you could speak portuguese!" Snape said shocked. " I do speak almost every language Severus,"
"so this is Severus Snape," keito stood politely and sweet.
" yes," he nodded with an odd smile.
" so why do you think you have be having a sleeping disorder?" she began.
" i don't know? always the same dream though..." he held his head while his girlfriend supported him. (grr...!)
"hmm..."she scratched her head in wonder, "well, this could be cured but you would have to come to my office for a few seconds. it will only take about 15 minutes,"she smiled sweetly as she kind eyed Snape's girlfriend (soon to be EX-GIRLFRIEND!) darkly.
Then... 238   Ludo Bagman and some dementors entered the scene.

"There she is!" Bagman cried triumphantly. "That's the evil Elina who's been exploiting Severus Snape by pretending to be in love with him just so she can find a weak point and betray him to Vol-he who must not be named."

"Here we go again," Harry sighed. "Why won't anybody ever just say 'Voldemort'?"

But no one was listening to him. They were too busy watching Elina go the way of the evil Laura as the head dementor administered the kiss.

Her mindless, soul-less body then wandered into the water and was eaten by a shark (or whatever lives in the waters of Portugal and is big and nasty and eats people).

"Thank Merlin," Snape mumbled. And then...
239  


























Snape reclined on his chair and began to pick his teeth. Lunch had been particularly sticky today and his teeth were rather dirty. He put his feet up on his desk and meditated on the advantages of hedgehog quills harvested at midnight and those collected during the day. He finished picking his teeth and threw the toothpick in the general direction of the rubbish bin. He listened as it fell to the floor a fairly long way from the bin. Never mind. He would get it later. 240   And then the same thing that happened to Laura and Elina happened to Fred so he could never confuse our beloved potions master that way again. Full Stop.

241   " Severus, Severus!" Keito ratled his body. He had passed out... again. " You passed out again,"
" Ewww!" Snape shivered. " It was those damn sharks that freaked me!"
" Uh... they aren't sharks..."Keito said.
(fact - i don't know if they have sharks in portugal cuz i've only been there twice, but i know they have the most worst jelly fish of them all! it's poinsonous and can kill you! irritates the skin quite a bit! i've never been attacked by one though)
" oh... well whatever it was, it freaked me!"
" C'mon. this could be crutial, so why don't you take Snape to your office," Hermione stated.
" alright. time to go Mr. Snape," she grinned tenderly.
He got into the car then...

PS - guys, make me so i can date Snape! Carolee, you put me in this story, so I LOVE YOU!!!!!... not literaly. you know what i mean. 242   Thanks, yes, I do. We are all sisters in our love for Snape. And we did need someone who could speak both Portugese and English to help out our beloved potions master since his time of crisis is in Portugal-what can I say?

And now, on with the story...

243   Thank you Carolee.

Now on with the story...lol... 244  





























The red quill scratched across the paper. Wrong, wrong ,wrong, these tests were atrocious! Snape wondered what on earth the students had been doing in class. At last he came to the very last exam. He finished marking the tests and put them back in the folder. How depressing, he would have to start teaching this term's work again. Fred (who doesn't write gross stuff, like some people I could mention)has returned. 245   And then he was gone. But might I add that Sexy Sev was then sucked into a dimensional vortex and found himself in the Bad lands of California. 246   (uh... no! he stays in Portugal!)

"Whoa!" Snape woke up from his deep sleep. " i had a dream i was sucked into a vortex to California!"

" we must cure you in time... or you will be in a coma forever!" Keito said.

We don't want our Sexy Sev to be in a coma forever! So that's why it's up to a big fan of our Sexy Sev, Keito to cure our love!

"Hurry!" Keito gasped as he was getting drowsy. They finally got into her office.

"Here take this!" she shuved some medicine in his face as he took it slowly.

" Okay that should do. If you do that again... it is now just a deep sleep and is no longer crutial. Just a sleeping disorder,"

"Oh... thank you so much Miss Keito!" Snape smiled. keito was flushed with embarassment, she tried to conceal her face with her shoulder.

" Hey, keito... I was thinking... maybe we could go out sometime... just as friends..." Snape said. Wow! i actually said ot to a WOMAN! Snape thought.

" oh i don't know. i have a busy schedule and... well i do have this one day..." she said in thought. " oh... i can akways make room for you! how about tonite at 7:00!" She blushed.

" That's fine" Severus smiled back.

And so that night he took her too...

(It doesn't have to be a Portuguese Resaurant. It can be the Elephant Castle for all I care! And yes eventully he will leave Portugal... but i go with him as his friend and sidkick! ... maybe even as his gilfriend...;-D) 247   The crazy 8 bar. When he arived he met Keito and they both got really drunk and Severus went back to Hogwarts all alone beacause Keito had passed out in the bar.
"Boy, this is some day I'm having." said Snape, and he dropped off to sleep. 248   (AHEM! I never get drunk! i'm very educational and i don't like to drink!)

As soon as he wook up, he found Keito looking down on him.

" Keito, what are you doing here? i thought you passed out."

" uh... i did, but that was 3 years ago! you've been asleep for 3 years and i took the liberty of teaching Defence Against Dark Arts here. every one actually rejoyced and had no Potions class until now. but i actually taught potions and D.A.D.A while you were asleep. I'm never leaving the school, cuz as soon as Dumbledore retires, i hope to be Headmaster or at least the head of a house or something."

" I see," a grim smile crossed his face.

Then...

(NOTHING BAD GETS RID OF ME!!!!!!! I will never be rid of!! mwa ha ha ha ha ha! c'mon guys. i don't have to be evrywhere he goes at least, but i'm still in the story. how about that. fair enough)=) 249  



























































































































Children's squeals and laughter echoed down the corridor. Snape loathed those sounds. He quickened his pace in order to catch the deviants before they left. Rounding a corner he came across four first years playing with a rather dishevelled rat. They all went silent as he stared down at them. They collected the rat, who had scampered into a corner and went outside. Snape continued his trip along the corridors. 250   GOD DAMN IT, STOP IT FRED! or ghost of Fred, whatever! YOU'RE EXACTLY LIKE PEEVES! 251  

And then Ludo Bagman and his dementors came back. "We made a mistake last time," he said. "The dementor who performed the kiss on Fred for treating Severus Snape like Billy Pilgrim was a trainee and didn't do it properly."

And then a more senior dementor performed the kiss and this time it was done correctly.

Ludo Bagman tried to catch Fred's mindless, soul-less body so he could take it to St. Mungo's hospital, but it was too late. It had already wandered into the street and had been run over by a really big truck and gotten smashed flat. And then some gas leaked out from the truck and the flattened blob that was Fred caught fire and burned to ashes. And then a fuzzy white poodle walked up and did something unspeakable to what was left.

Ludo Bagman watched dispassionatly, and then said, "I don't think you'll have any more trouble from that Fred."

252   Thank you Carolee for getting rid of that ruthless, annoying, son of a gun!

" Obrigado," Keito nodded.
" uh... Snape, even though i've been here for 3 years, i don't know how to say thank you...help me out,"
"say thank you," Snape whispered.

Bagman was looking weirdly at the both of them and especially Keito.

"sorry, i speak portuguese," keito cofessed. " uh...th-thu-tanck-yoo" Keito tried to say.

(i can say "thank you" though lol)

"uh... no problem," Ludo said.

As soon as he left keito spoke once again.
"is he racist against other cultures or something?" she said irritably looking discouraged.

" i don't know..." Snape wondered.

RING! the bell rang.

"oh i teach D.A.D.A in a few moments, so i'll catch you later! bye!" she said shrilly and blissfully.

"every one will be surprised to see you!" she hollered back.

Then... 253  
hey, peeps! write something!

Keito 254   Are you sure, Keito dear? Okay, here's something (and btw, you're welcome)...

And then Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked up to the baffled Snape. "Don't tell Keito," Harry whispered, "but she used the wrong word. She said 'years' but she meant to say 'weeks'."

Hermione and Ron nodded in agreement.

"But she was right," Hermione continued. "Everyone will be suprised to see you! They want to hear all about Portugal."

Then Snape got up and prepared for the next Potions class, rubbing his head the whole time and wondering if this crazyness ever would, ever could, end. 255   Severus quietly ducked into his secret, underground coat closet. He peeled off a cunning, rubber mask to reveal that, all along, he had been... 256   a Vampire!(Just kidding, but no1's writting anything, so I just wanted to maybe stop everyone's writers block) 257   a Vampire!(Just kidding, but no1's writting anything, so I just wanted to maybe stop everyone's writers block) 258   sorry, I didn't mean to do the same thing twice. 259  




























































































There was a rush of air overhead as the dragon came in for another swoop. Snape ducked and hid behind a rock. He watched as the dragon disappeared over the horizon, it would only be a matter of time before it came back. An icy wind swept past. Damn this stupid Romanian weather! Seeing the dragon come back over the horizon Snape muttered a spell under his breath and watched as the dragon fell out of the sky. There was a tremendous thump and Snape ran toward the dragon's nest. He collected what he came for and headed back toward where he left his broom. 260  

Snape laughed aloud at the thought that anyone could think he was a vampire.

Then, Dobby the house elf came into the room. "Dobby has a message for you, sir!"
he said as he handed Snape a sheet of paper torn from a notebook and folded in half.
Snape was about to put it in his pocket, but Dobby spoke again. "The message is from Harry Potter, sir!"

Startled, Snape unfolded the paper and found that it said:

"Dear Professor Snape,

First let me say that I am very glad that you are feeling better.

But I told you I would keep asking you this question until you gave me an answer. During 189 you yelled 'Damn it how I wish he is more like his father than his mother. Then I could punish him with pure enjoyment and not worry I am hurting Lily,' at your empty classroom and I thought you were going to kill me for eavesdropping but you didn't, and then all that crazy stuff happened. Please send a message back with Dobby or I will keep asking you, over and over again, and I don't care how many times you say you have no clue.

Your favorite student,
H. Potter. "

Snape crumpled the paper and looked back at Dobby, who stood perfectly still as he waited for an answer.


261   (I'm just going to ignore 260, okay? The rest of you do whatever you want.) 262  





























The was a rush of air overhead as the dragon came in for another swoop. Snape ducked and ran for cover. An icy wind swept by as he crawled behind a rock. Damn Romanian weather! He watched as the dragon disappeared over the horizon and he made a dash for the dragon's nest. It was only a matter of time before the dragon came back. Snape collected what he had come for and proceeded back to where his broom was. 263  

My goodness, weren't daydreams wonderful? Snape was having a wonderful one about dragons when it was interuppted by the tapping of Dobby's foot. Back to reality, Snape stared at the house elf and decided that he would tell Harry that... 264   [if Fred does not stop being annoying that the rest of us will go get Fleur De'Talon who will stab him with a sponge-bob squarepants spatula then lock his body in a pineapple under the sea. Sorry, just had to say that. What really happened was...]
265   (ignoring 265)he would tell Harry that it was none of his business, he was in trouble for eavesdropping, and to leave him alone. So Dobby walked out of the room to deliver the message to Harry. 266   [not part of story]Anyone? Well, I'll try and think of something to type. 267   Snape leaned back in his chair. Potter won't leave me alone just because I told him to. I'm going to have to do something more...drastic. So he got up from his seat and..... 268   quite unexpectedly ran straight into Dr. Lazarus from Galaxy Quest. There was something vaugely familiar about this man, but Snape couldn't put his finger on it.

Lazarus extended his own finger and placed the tip on Snape's chest and said, "It's all about you, isn't it? You raving egomaniac! You never were serious about the craft. As a teacher, you need to have more respect for your students and their needs, and Harry needs to know everything you know about his mum and dad. Who else is going to tell him?"

Hazel eyes refused to release black ones as Lazarus stared at Snape and waited for a reply.

269   "No one needs to tell him anything about his parents" Snape repiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have papers to grade". Dr. Lazarus blocked off the path to the door. He then said............. 270   "As I saw in part 9 of this story, you refered to Potter as always tearing off to save the day. While you see him as "wretched" you should see him as " delightfully disobedient". "Besides, he should try to help as much as he can. No one else will" Dr. Lazarus said, with not so much of a smile. Snape opened his mouth to argue with that comment, but was cut off. Dr. Lazarus extremely angrily....... 271   slammed Snape up against the wall just like Snape had once done to that Quirrel outside the library. "You don't want me as your enemy, Snape," Lazarus said. "Now, where exactly do your loyalties lie?"

272  

"EEP!" snape squeled. There was a flash of flames.
"i am the voice of the one true god!" the flames said. 273  

Then two second year boys ran up to Snape and Lazarus. One put out the flames by beating them with a copy of "Ventriloquism Made Easy, by Fred and George Weasley" as the other looked back and forth between the two men.

"Uh, so sorry, uh, professors?" the second said with a very, very, confused look on his face.

Then the two boys ran off sheepishly and Lazarus repeated his question. "Where exactly do your loyalties lie?"

274  












































































Snape admired the scenery as he came in for a landing. Norway was always nice at this time of year. He scanned the land below him for a suitable landing spot and eventually chose a grassy knoll. He held tight to his broom as he swooped toward the hill. He landed and dismounted his broom. Making his way toward the dark cave he pondered the consequences of what was to follow. He entered the cave and headed for the darkest part of the underground labyrinth. 275  

"Snape!" Lazarus snapped. "How dare you daydream at a time like this?"

Now it was Snape's turn to look sheepish as he said,"... 276   [okay, this will be a lame sentence, but no1's writting anything so, does it matter] "I refuse to answer your question of my loyalties, as it's none of your business. And I can daydream whenever I wish." As Snape headed towards the door, Dr.Lazarus.....
277   cut him off again. "Oh, my dear Professor Snape," Lazarus said, once again fixing those intense hazel eyes onto those black ones, which was actually very easy, as they were exactly level. "I believe you know why you cannot refuse to answer my question. You might as well do it now, seeing as how you can never be rid of me, even when I have left your presence. I repeat-having me as an enemy would be an extremely bad idea." 278  

Then, the door suddenly opened with a crash, and two women came in. Each had one of the hands of the man who they were pulling into the room.

It was none other than Sigourney Weaver and Maggie Smith, who were escorting a very confused looking Alan Rickman.

"I told you they were fighting!" Sigourney said to Alan.

"Yes, please do something before they kill each other," pleaded Maggie.

So, Alan stepped forward and...

279   [okay, now can somebody else take it from here? :^) ] 280  

































Snape drew his robes about him in an attempt to shield himself from the bitter cold. As he trudged along the snowy path he wondered again what he was doing here. He couldn't belive he was spying again. He thought that was over when Voldemort disappeared. Why did he have to come back? Snape entered the building and was greeted by a wave of warm air. He glanced out the window as he passed it. He had always liked the way you had a clear view of the Kremlin from here. 281   Snape walked over to a security guard

"so, is volde...you know who here yet"

"yep"

"and is he ready to begin the meeting"

"yep"

"thank you"
Snape walked over toward the door when he saw.... 282   WHAT ARE YOU DOING KEITO!!!!!??? DAMMIT, STOP IT FRED!!! 283   sorry guys i was on vacation so NOW I'M BACK! what's going on? am i still in the story?

ignore this part and continue 284  
hey peeps, write something! 285  

[I did not write that part in all caps attributed to me. Just thought you ought to know. I suspect the part about Voldemort was not written by the real Keito either. I don't understand why somebody would impersonate me. As Talullah Bankhead once said, "Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it." Now, back to the story, please?]

286   what! someone was pretending to be me! that crap! please stop who ever it is cuz i'd like to write my OWN stories! bye! now on with the story. besides, where is the voldemort story. wut chapter? 287   wut's happening? why is that person ding this to me? plez stop. tell me why. i would please like you to stop. i'm just saying so. if there is a story that that other keito wrote or a keito ask me and i'll tell u if i wrote it or not. there

Now on with the story lol!

288   write something people!

289   one a time there was 4 men and 4 women and they were all vampiers 290   then the master walked in with a magic broom.and said no one touch it.Then a man touched the broom.and the master walked in. and he killed the man who touched the broom.
291   next the master had a date with his girlfriend he left one of his men to watch over the castle while the guard was sleep they had a party.they invited all of there friends. 292   next the master had a date with his girlfriend he left one of his men to watch over the castle while the guard was sleep they had a party.they invited all of there friends. 293   next the master had a date with his girlfriend he left one of his men to watch over the castle while the guard was sleep they had a party.they invited all of there friends. 294  
WUT! i can't understand! 295  
H A R R Y P O T T E R! is wut we're writing about peeps! wut's with the master and girlfriend crap! i'm mad! 296  

[Okay, here goes nothing...]


"Severus! Wake up!" Snape opened his eyes and found himself staring into the lovely eyes of Sigourney Weaver, who was kneeling next to him.

"You fell asleep again," Maggie Smith said kindly as Alan Rickman helped him to his feet and Dr. Lazarus leaned against the wall and scowled.

And then Alan said... 297   Wow... you look sexy... ahem, I understand you friend "Keito" has been teaching here for a while... uh... could i...uh... have her?*immidiatly flinches* (he soooo had the right to do that...)

WHAT!!!!!!! NO!!!! NEVER!!!! SHE'S MINE!!!! ALL MINE!! SHE HELPED ME, SHE WENT OUT WITH ME, SHE CARED FOR ME, SHE HAS AMAZING EYES AND LOOKS... no she's mine...uh... thank you.
I love her and... that's all Mr. Rickman.

*aww he's soooo cute when he's angry...(Alan thought)*

Well, that's all I wanted to know...Mr. Snape. said Alan

(PS - sorry snape lovers i just had to let out how much he had to love me, it made me feel sooo much better)

So Snape...

298   uh... sorry if this disturbes all of u but,
who also has the hots for Daniel Radcliffe...? I STILL LOVE SNAPE AND I LIKED HIM FIRST BEFORE DANIEL! There is this picture with Tom Felton and snape in the background in the 2nd movie and Snape's in TIGHTER CLOTHES! HE WAS SO IRRESISTABLE! I ALMOST FAINTED! HOTTIE! *drool* 299   a girl then walked in. her name was deborah and she was very ugly. she walked up and said hello. he looked up and died an instant death. death by heart attack from looking at her ugly face....... 300   But then he woke up from the terrible dream! "God i hope that girl isnt real!" he thought as he rose to his feet. 301   But then he woke up from the terrible dream! "God i hope that girl isnt real!" he thought as he rose to his feet. 302   then our dear prfessor walked to the fireplace and summoned Lori and killed her on spot 303   The next morning(snape drugged himself to sleep after that dream,, to get Deborah out of his mind), and found an owl at his window. he took it in and read the letter, it said...
Severus,
dumbledore wishes to ask you a favor. two girls in Nova Scotia, Canada, and witches going to a muggle school, i wish for you to retrieve them immediately. They go by Butterfly and Lidehtium. Hope to see them here soon.

DAMN!" snape swore angrily, he did NOT want to go somewhere anytime soon, but he had to. So grumbling, he apparated to Canada.

"well class"Mrs Davidson, B(butterfly) and L
(lidehtium)'s teacher said, "today we have a visitor, Severus, please come in.."the door opened, and snape walked in, many girls and guys started drooling, and 'L' and 'B' gagged at them, then looked at each other, and started roaring, for all the times that they made jokes about him!!!"what are you two laughing at---"Snape paled, looking past L and B to see... DEBORAH!!!! "AAAAHHH!!!" Snape stumbled backwards, near passing out, While Deborah started to scream at him, like she alway does(really and truely).L and M jumped up, and started to close in around snape, and all of a sudden, started grabbing at his foot, screaming louder than deborah who was stil freaking, wanting to see the tatoe on his foot from blow dry. 304   when they saw there was no tattoo they were furious. they went back to their seats angrly while miss davidson ushered the rest of the kids away so he could try *TRY* to get them back. butterfly and lidehtium were 14 years old. they wante to go to hogwarts but not with him. when he saw their disappointment he reluctantly stuck out his arm to show them the dark mark. since they both wanted to be death eaters, they became excited. and they both went hapily with him to hogwarts.lidehtium was put in the slytherin dormitories and went to sleep so the next morning she could wreak havoc. butterfly however had to be confined to an empty classroom, as during every nite, she truned into a werewolf. she was placed in snapes office for the nite cuz it was the only one with a lock strong enough to keep her in. so at 3 in the morning, snape realized that he forgot his headache ption in his office. he crept down th corridor and peekd into his office. dark and he couldnt see a thing. he opened it and walked in quickly closing the door behind him. he turned on a light and was staring into the face of a half human half werewolf. she was standing there with a smirk on her face. she was about an inch and a half away from him. she bared fangs.she walked began to corner him when......... 305   The next morning(snape drugged himself to sleep after that dream,, to get Deborah out of his mind), and found an owl at his window. he took it in and read the letter, it said...
Severus,
dumbledore wishes to ask you a favor. two girls in Nova Scotia, Canada, and witches going to a muggle school, i wish for you to retrieve them immediately. They go by Butterfly and Lidehtium. Hope to see them here soon.

DAMN!" snape swore angrily, he did NOT want to go somewhere anytime soon, but he had to. So grumbling, he apparated to Canada.

"well class"Mrs Davidson, B(butterfly) and L
(lidehtium)'s teacher said, "today we have a visitor, Severus, please come in.."the door opened, and snape walked in, many girls and guys started drooling, and 'L' and 'B' gagged at them, then looked at each other, and started roaring, for all the times that they made jokes about him!!!"what are you two laughing at---"Snape paled, looking past L and B to see... DEBORAH!!!! "AAAAHHH!!!" Snape stumbled backwards, near passing out, While Deborah started to scream at him, like she alway does(really and truely).L and M jumped up, and started to close in around snape, and all of a sudden, started grabbing at his foot, screaming louder than deborah who was stil freaking, wanting to see the tatoe on his foot from blow dry. 306   The next morning(snape drugged himself to sleep after that dream,, to get Deborah out of his mind), and found an owl at his window. he took it in and read the letter, it said...
Severus,
dumbledore wishes to ask you a favor. two girls in Nova Scotia, Canada, and witches going to a muggle school, i wish for you to retrieve them immediately. They go by Butterfly and Lidehtium. Hope to see them here soon.

DAMN!" snape swore angrily, he did NOT want to go somewhere anytime soon, but he had to. So grumbling, he apparated to Canada.

"well class"Mrs Davidson, B(butterfly) and L
(lidehtium)'s teacher said, "today we have a visitor, Severus, please come in.."the door opened, and snape walked in, many girls and guys started drooling, and 'L' and 'B' gagged at them, then looked at each other, and started roaring, for all the times that they made jokes about him!!!"what are you two laughing at---"Snape paled, looking past L and B to see... DEBORAH!!!! "AAAAHHH!!!" Snape stumbled backwards, near passing out, While Deborah started to scream at him, like she alway does(really and truely).L and M jumped up, and started to close in around snape, and all of a sudden, started grabbing at his foot, screaming louder than deborah who was stil freaking, wanting to see the tatoe on his foot from blow dry. 307  
Uh... i don't know what is going on but i'll give it a shot.

"whoa! what the heck is going on!?" Keito came in.
"I want to see the tattoo on my foot," said Snape.
"uh"
"this disgusting excuse for a woman named Deborah is holding my foot"
"well she's already starting to annoy me. c'mon Deb. u and me are going to have a make over *cough*" said Keito

So deb got 10 times plastic surgery, a lot of high lights, whitened her teeth, got a perm(except keito, her hair was already curly), professional artists did her dressing and make up and got a facial, manicure and pedicure. (whew!)(Keito is still pretier *wink*)

"wow! thanks keit! i'm going to find myself a boyfriend far far far far away from Snape as i posibly can!" deb went of to Austrailia in search of her love.

"thank you Keito" Snape smiled tenderly.
"oh many MORE to come *wink*"
at this Snape smiled infatuatedly and went to teach his classes. after class
he asked Keito out. that weekend they went to a fancy dinner and after that she invited Snape into her house for a movie. while on the couch watching the movie, Snape slithered closer and then...

(NOHING BAD PEEPS! ESPECIALLY.. uh y'know. unless you want to but i prefer NOT! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!) 308   he threw up on her after he got over his hangover 309   WUT's a hangover?

"AH EWW! SEVERUS!" she screamed!
Snape looked guilty and felt horrible.
she ran to the washroom to clean herself while Snape cleaned up her pile.
she came back.
"i'm so so sorry" snape said.
"that's okay, life goes on. i'm used to people barfing on me considering i'm a doctor n' all as i helped u in Portugal,"
Snae smiled and they both continued to watch the movie.

(HEY GUYS BE NICE TO KEITO! *wink*) 310   Thanks Chrirese! At least you're nice to me! Carolee as well! I apologize to those snape lovers, i like him alot.

Just then Carolee came in.
"oh i'm sorry, for interupting
i'll just be-"carloee stammered.

"oh. it's alright carolee. we were just watching a movie"

"and i was just about to make my move you annoying woman!" snape bellowed.

"Severus! be nice. this is my friend carolee. Say hi,"

"hey," he grunted not looking at carolee.

"hello severus"

"i prefer u to call me snape"

"okay, well i ought to go, i just dropped by to say hi"

"okay bye carolee" Keito waved cheerfully.

After Carolee had left, Snape... 311   went a little bit nuts. He grabbed Keito by the hand and pulled her along as he ran after Carolee. When he caught up with her, he just stood and alternated staring at her and Keito. It was like he was watching a tennis match.

"Holy mother of Merlin," he gasped. "Both of these women are so beautiful, I can't decide who I like more! Arrrrgh!!" And then...
312   he looked into both of their eyes and her looked at Carolee's shining face and keito's beautiful face. he turned to Keito and placed his upon her face and felt a soft complexion and beauty, happiness and love. He then turned to carolee who was also pretty put her eyes were very capturing.
"I don't know!" he looked at Keito then at Carolee.
So Snape decided to... 313   stay with Keito for now and think of Carolee. He didn't feel close to Carolee enough to love her. He thought maybe they could be friends first. Sure carolee had great looks, but he had a big thing for Keito and she had helped Snape and Carolee hadn't done anything to help him yet. He just can't keep switchin girlfriends, so he decided to stay with his one and only love, Keito. 314   hey, Chirirse, why r u helping me? yah ur real nice and all but why? wut about Carolee. i like the idea a lot about wut u said though. well, uh..., thanks.


on with the story and ignore this part... 315  

Then Carolee was very confused. She went to go see Dumbledore to find out why she had been brought into the story in the first place.

As soon as she left, there was suddenly a big CRASH. Everybody turned to look at what had made the crash, and they saw...
316   Voldemort.

"if you want ur friend, come and get her!!" he sneered.

"Carolee!" screeched keito, "oh severus, we have to do something!" she panicked holding his arm.

"albus, r u up to it? it'll be a cool adventure," smiled snape.

Dumbledore nodded and they were off to Voldemort's secret castl, where carolee was held hostage. Only snape knew where it was cuz every snape fan would know he was a Death Eater.

"through here!" called snape to the crew down the dark and secret corridors. " i may know where the dungeon is, so let me refresh my mind,"

"oh, i hope she's okay," shivered keito.

"oh she'll be fine miss... uh... wut's ur last name keito? if i don't know wut ur last name is, wut do ur students call u?"

"keito. my last name is hikaru," keito stated. (ps - i'm not japenesse i'm portuguese and i just FANCY japanesse names! keito is just my art name)

"ah, okay. she'll be fine miss hikaru," smiled dumbledore.

"ah!" snape jumped. dumbledore and keito were both startled.

"shh!" hushed keito

"oops. sorry. okay, it's this way," snape ran towards a huge wooden door that looked like and entrance to a castle. all doors looked like that, so it was a BIIIIG castle. (imagine how big the entrance is!)

"we're coming carolee!" keito said out loued.

they came to a wrikedey old door with a few lose hinges off the door. the door nob was
practicly out of place. she could have gotten out easily!

"can't she have gotten out already," asked Keito.

"anyone smart enough, would stay in there. this castle is a huge maze and sometimes the walls can play tricks on you.
some peple are still wandering and others are dead. every second, someone in this castle dies. scary eh?" said snape

"*gulp* yea," she looked at him petrified.

"but some people are to smart so escape so the put imposible locks on these doors. there's only one way to get her out,"
he hesitated, he pulled a long
8 inch, willow unicorn haired wand in the colour of balck and waved: "ALOHAMORA!"

they ran in to a smelly dark chamber and saw her fiddling with some hay and and crust off bread."oh thank you for saving me!" carolee jumped and hugged snape tightly. she went to keito next.

"let's get out of here!"said dumbledore.

as soon as they got out...

317   ( I was reading some of Keito's early chapters and... the first was quite disturbing... but I think I'll add some of the old characters)

Slate stopped them and smiled silly (as always)
"SLATE?!" snape shouted "wha?"
"Yep, Sexy Sev, Slate's back!"

"ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Snape screamed and he zoomed out the castle doors with his girlfriend, Carolee and Dumbledore and all.

Snape huffed for air and was reliefed he was faaaaaar away from that digustine excuse for a human being, Slate.

After that, Slate...

(note to carolee, I think Keito expects your answer from her chapter) 318   ( I was reading some of Keito's early chapters and... the first was quite disturbing... but I think I'll add some of the old characters)

Slate stopped them and smiled silly (as always)
"SLATE?!" snape shouted "wha?"
"Yep, Sexy Sev, Slate's back!"

"ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Snape screamed and he zoomed out the castle doors with his girlfriend, Carolee and Dumbledore and all.

Snape huffed for air and was reliefed he was faaaaaar away from that digustine excuse for a human being, Slate.

After that, Slate...

(note to carolee, I think Keito expects your answer from her chapter) 319   Then Snape suddenly fell out of a trance and rememberd how disgusting Carolee was,so he said I AM NOT your B/F good by,and he wished himself away,HE was supposed to go to Dumbldores Office but landed in Narnia,Land of the Elves. SUDDENLY,50,000 Evil cames up from behind him,they were EVERYWHERE..he couldnt fight them,What was our poor sexy Sev to do? 320  

All of a sudden Carolee apparated next to Snape in Narnia, Land of the Elves.

"I never said you were my boyfriend, *Profesor Snape*, unlike some people we know. I was just hanging around being beautiful because somebody else wrote me into the story. In fact, I was going to tell you that I was grateful to you for saving me from Voldemort and that it was okay and that you could have Keito and I'd just leave. But I'm not going to take the time to tell you that now since you were so *rude*!! I'm just going to leave you to fight these things all by yourself."

She turned to go, but then changed her mind. She was ticked off at him but she was not evil. She turned to the elves and shook down her sheet of blonde veela like hair and smiled her brillant smile as she started to dance. They were so entranced they were easily blasted to kingdom come by our beloved potions master. She stopped dancing and then...
321   (hmm...)
she made wild hurricane to drive the elves way and she took Snape back to Hogwarts.
Keito was already there teaching D.A.D.A.
"Hey Carolee, do you want to be my assistant worker. We'll have the best time!'
"Um..." Carolee thought unsure. Carolee answered with...

(Carolee, Keito emailed me and she told me that she put you in the story because you were really nice to her and put her the in the story and is eternaly grateful to you. So why did you get mad?) 322   (Sorry, it wasn't Keito I was mad at. I was mad at somebody else for making me look like a doofus after Keito wrote me in. I do apologize for the misunderstanding.)

..."Sure, that sounds like a great idea!"
323   " Great!" Keito explained. " you can start out by giving them their homework on the organ's of the Manticore," she handed her some papers.
"okay thanks," she said
" and if you needed help, just come to me. but not tonite. me and severus r going out tonite,"
"ok,"

After keito's class, keito and carolee went for a walk. Snape ran in to join them.
"hello dear," he gave keito a kiss on the cheek.
"hey sev,' she said. Snape was even generous enough to give Carolee a hug.
(LLLLLUCKY U CAROLEE!)
after the strole, Snape went back to his class to teach. He saw slate there! So snape... 324   " Great!" Keito explained. " you can start out by giving them their homework on the organ's of the Manticore," she handed her some papers.
"okay thanks," she said
" and if you needed help, just come to me. but not tonite. me and severus r going out tonite,"
"ok,"

After keito's class, keito and carolee went for a walk. Snape ran in to join them.
"hello dear," he gave keito a kiss on the cheek.
"hey sev,' she said. Snape was even generous enough to give Carolee a hug.
(LLLLLUCKY U CAROLEE!)
after the strole, Snape went back to his class to teach. He saw slate there! So snape... 325   ignored and picked on slate throughout the lesson. slate ran to the girls toilets after the lesson and cryed. Hermione was there, she comfetted slate. and together they plotted revenge on snape. 326   NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! SLATE IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!! u have noooo clue!

Then Hermione changed her mind
and killed Slate. 327  
After a few weeks, Slate had his funeral and surprisingly, Snape went to his funeral.
Keito was tearing quietly but at the same time was thrilled he wouldn't bother her boyfriend anymore. Hermione was arrested for murderer and was to stay in Azkaban for five years. She was visited daily by Keito, Harry, Ron and Victor.
By then, Malfoy would do anything to be Hermione's boyfriend. He always wanted a bad girl. She refused repeatedly because she had been dating Victor Krum before she was arrested. They were still good friends, Hermoine and Victor even while she spent her time in Azkaban.
" Are you okay Snape?" Keito asked.
" Yes, I'm fine. I'm glad he's gone though,"
She sniffed and grinned, chuckling. Carolee came to join their conversation with Harry.
"Hey guys," Carolee said.
"Y'know professor, I think you and Keito are a wonderful couple," Harry taunted
Keito grinned and Snape blushed so much he went crimson.
"Ten points from Griffindor!" he roared.
"Now, Severus he was just giving us a compliment," said Keito.
" Yeah, Severus, c'mon," smiled Harry
" You shut up!" he blushed more.
" Well," said Carolee," who's up for lunch at BK?"
" Wha- Waht's BK?" asked Snape.
" In the muggle world, it's a fast-food resaurant called ' Burger King' dearest," said Keito. 328   hey i've checked a trillion times and no one writes anything!

"oh," said snape.
329   Well, I see no one adds to this story, so I now sentence it to an ending and I'm proud to be the one to conclude all the adventures our dear Severus Snape.

And so three years passed and Harry Potter had already graduated along with his friends Ron and Hermione. Hermione, had passed because she was sent homework daily in her prison and was freed the year before. The Ministry of Magic found out it was never Hermione who murdered Slate. The murder, cast a Memory Charm on Hermione and since she is incredibly intelligent, she only forgot that moment and nothing else. Our dearest Professor Snape was happy that his least favourite students were gone but sorrowful because his favourite student, Draco Malfoy also ahd to leave. Ron and Hemione had become a couple, while Harry settled down with his own girlfriend,
Chrirese Thatcher. Ginny Weasly had troubles since Harry's new found girlfriend, but she had her friend Colin Creevy to cheer her up... so Ginny finally got another crush other than the famous, Harry Potter. During the last Great Hall banquet of Harry's adventures at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Snape did something he would never do in his LIFE in front of the whole school.
He bent on his knee slowly in front of the Professor's table, with his sallow hand holding Keito's graceful and soft had gently and for once in his life... smiled happily. Not sarcasticly. Not bitterly. But happily.
He spoke as Keito's face went crimson red,

" Keito. My love. It would be the most happiest moment in my life.. if you gave mr your hand, in MARRIAGE," he said tenderly.

Keito went silent and clapped her remaiuning hand over her mouth and cried. She laughed and threw her hands around his neck accepting his proposal... and Snape cried silently and joyfully with her, while the school around them cheered loudly.

And that, my friends, what happend to our dear Professor Severus Snape.

And he lived happily ever after.

THE END

330   Ok completely new story!

A new, beautiful tacher came to Hogwarts. She was Irish, had lovely green eyes and long blonde hair. As soon as Snape saw her in the Grand Hall during the First week of school, he was intensely attracted to her. "I must get to know her," he thought. "but I'm so shy around women!" After the sorting ceremony, when everyone was eating and talking, he timidly (but with his sexy aura)made his way over to her. "I'm Severus Snape, the Potions master. And you are. . ." She smiled a radiant smile. "How handsome he is, and what an incredibly attractive voice! "I'm Elspeth Divine, a new charms teacher," she replied. "Well," thought Snape, "she certainly is charming!" Then he shyly made small talk with her, and by the end of the night, he knew that he would always be in love with her.

Months went by, the two falling ever more deeply in love with each other, but much too shy to admit it to each other. Valentine's came, and Hogwarts was having a Valentine's Day ball. In the hall between classes that day, Snape found Elspeth. "Hullo, Miss Divine! Um, will you be chaperoning the ball tonight?" She smiled and thought, "I'll never get over how sexy his voice is!" "Why yes, I am," she answered. Uncontrollably, Snape smiled broadly. "oh, uh good - me too. Well," he said as his handsome face blushed,"I, uh, I guess I'll see you later, then."

That night, Snape waited anxoiusly in the Grand Hall for Elspeth to appear. She entered, and Snape's breath was taken away. She always looked gorgeous, but tonight, in formal dress, she was absolutely stunning - even more beautiful than a veela! Tonight was the night - he just had to let her know how he felt. After the ball had been underway for a while, and he had gotten them both pumpkin juice, he suggested a walk outside in the garden. "Why, I'd love to!" Elspeth replied.

They walked for a while outside, quietly and side by side. "Um, Professor Snape, are you alright? You seem a bit tense," Elspeth asked with genuine concern. "I'm fine, fine," he answered hurridly. "It's just that..." he stopped walking and turned and faced her. She stopped and faced him, too. Oh, that handsome face! "Well, Miss Divine, it's just that I, well, I, want to tell you something. I, um, I, well. . ." Then, lost for words, he did what came naturally, He gently placed his hands on either side of her faced and kissed her passionately. "Oh Severus!" she whispered. "Do forgive my brashness, Miss Divine, but I could no longer help myself - you see, I, I am deeply in love with you." Elspeth smiled with immense happiness and surprise. "Oh, Severus, I am in love with you, too!" "Really," he asked as she nodded, beaming. Snape felt happier than any man has ever felt before. He kissed her several more times, now allowing himself to call her 'Elspeth' instead of 'Miss Divine.' They got married 3 months later, and lived extremely happily ever after!

Now that's a good story, huh? Well, at least I like it! 331   6 months later they had a baby boy and named him Harry(although Snape REALLY hated that) and they lived like a big happy family should. 332   No, No, they had a baby boy and named him Sev Jr. And, hey, whoa - shouldn't that be 9 months later? Anyway, the son was obviously going to be very handsome, just like his father. . . 333  




No, I'm afraid, it will become confusing for Severus to fall in love with ANOTHER woman, so unfortunatly for you girls, I'm continuing with where I left off with.
But this time let's just say, it was still Harry's fifth year and Severus never got married but is STILL in love with Keito.

After the couple and Carolee went to BK, they came back to the school, ready for the weekend.

"Carolee, do you wanna hang out this weekend?" asked Keito.

"Why not," she smiled.

As Snape kissed his love good bye, Carolee went along with Keito and Snape was left to mark his potions test he gave out last week.

As he was marking Malfoy's, he decided to give him ten points to Slytherin for getting the eighteenth highest mark in the class and took three points from Gryfindor because Harry forgot to put the date on his test. (What else is new?)
Harry, Ron and Hermione passed him and he stared at them maliciously for looking at him. The night dawned and our Severus Snape went to bed. When he went to bed, he saw a surprise on his bed. It was... 334   OH THANK YOU CHRISEE!! ur so nice! u should be like my best friend! anyhoo....

It was Keito.

"keito, wut r u doing here?" he asked puzzled.

"oh, i just felt like dropping in to give you a massage. you've been marking tests all day," she said with a wide smile.

" oh thank you love,"

"no prob!" as she was massaging, she kept talking to him to keep him satisfied," so i bet u gave draco points for doing something on his test and took points off for harry forgeting something pointless. am i rite?"

Snape was silent.

"i knew it, well i hope you liked the massage and go to bed. maybe IF you call me over sometimw this weekend... we can... y'know get together," she smiled embarassed.

"uh.... ssssure. why not? yah. it'll be fine." he smiled tenderly.

After she left, he went to sleep and dreamed of...

335   Hermione. He woke straight up saying to himself that he shouldnt b thinking of her like that. 336   Especially since none of this ever happened. Actually, Snape was married to the love of his life, Elspeth. He only loved her, and he only woman he dreamed of was she. So how wonderful for him that she was deeply in love with him, too - and also was his wife! Every day after classes he rushed back to their chambers to have some time alone with her before dinner - he missed her so much when they had to teach! As they cuddled together that night, he drifted off to sleep and dreamed that Harry was dueling with Draco, and . . . 337   Draco knocked Harry into a metal bar and... 338   Draco knocked Harry into a metal bar and... 339   and since none of the Previous NEVER happened, snape dreamed about when when Harry didn't know any questions and Hermione had her hand up fer a long time, he actually answered her when her hand was up! what a night mare! He was walking down the corriders onr day, thinking of his beautiful girlfriend and shivered at the though of his X-WIFE, ELSPETH almost 10 years ago. he loves keito and only keito. he thinks she's beautiful, HOT, wonderful, fun, romantic and pleases him whenever! did i mention they are bother in love so much!
(back off Elspeth! go make ur own story somewhere else on another website, make ur own website or something. i was here first!!!!!!!!)

Keito 340   Huh! that's wut i thought! 341  
Calm down Keito! Yes, I know you want revenge and I will help you but nice revenge. No rudeness, and by the way... you keep spelling my name wrong.

After his strole, he went back to class to teach. After his class he went to the staff room and there he saw beautiful Keito sitting marking her work. He came to her and sat beside her. She kept working and ignored him for a few moments then looked up and smiled warmly. He smiled back.
" Oh dear! I just remembered! Honey, I'll be out for a week to see my grandmother who got sick. I have to go to Portugal tonight. So, I'm having a fill in and make sure you be nice," Keito said knowingly.

Snape rolled his eyes and asked who the substitute was.

"Oh yes, her name is Elspeth,"

Snape's jaw dropped. Elspeth?! His X-WIFE Elsepth?!
That horrible woman, but amazing sex, Elspeth?! No! Couldn't be!

"You can't Keito!!! She was my X-WIFE!!! Surely not her! I broke up with her because she was so... I don't know! There's something about her I DON'T LIKE AT ALL!!!!! She'll try to... *ahem*" Snape gestured.

Keito stared at him wide eyed.

"Well hun, um... I don't know what to do," she shook her head.

This was a nightmare yet to come... 342   chrise, wut r u doing!!!!! i thought u were on my side. now when that... that girl gets hold of ur story, she'll make snape do something with her then they fall in love!!!!
well i'll tahe it from here thank you.

the next day snape saw her and she looked really good but he decided to ignore her. she tried to come up to him a few times but he sped away a mile if she near!

the week almost over and snape thought he would make it through all rite.
knock,knock,knock! went the door.

"oh, who's up this late!" he screamed. "come in if u must!"

The door opened slooooowly and his worse nightmare appeared... Elspeth. She looked rather... icky. a lot of make up, short, short skirt
and a visible top with a black bra underneath. she closed he door behind her and licked her lips nastily.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!! Get a way! why r u here? I'm armed! i don't wanna do this Elspeth!" he screamed panting getting his wand.

"ohh... but hunnybunchkins! u used to loooove this! my little see through top... my short skirt... and ussssssss," she smiled again.

"But, I have a PROPER GIRLFRIEND and she loves me and I love her! Please!"

"too bad!" and she jumped on him. he struggled to get up he pointed his wand and...



hehehehehehehehe this will be good!

Keito 343  
Keito! Stop! That's cruel! Be nice!!!!!

He looked at her and... couldn't do it. He sighed and looked at her deep in the eye. " Elspeth," he said firmly, " I WILL fire if you don't leave this school... this world. This is my final warning,"

"oh, but we belong together. Don't you see? Us. There's no place I'd rather be than with you,"

"Please. You belong out of my life. I'm in love with someone else," he said still pointing him armed wand at her.

"Oh forget that slut! You're all mine!" she leaped for him again. Severus dodged her attack.

"STOP! I ORDER YOU TO STOP!!!!
I WILL FIRE!" Snape roared

(Now this won't be harmful Elspeth, don't worry. My friend Keito is weird but she was here first and I'm here for her. So... I'm really sorry.)

"OBLIVIATE!" Snape bellowed as she shot backwards and into Snape's black wardrobe.

Snape rushed to her to see the result.

"Elspeth?" he asked

"WHO!?" she woke up.

"Oh good it worked! Okay, my name is Professor Severus Snape and you came in discuss what your future is and you wanted to be a...stripper" he hesitated looking at her clothing disturbed

"oh! Like, cool!! Well, can I like go now?!" she said silly.

"Uh... yes. And oh, you aren't in the Wizarding World, you are a Muggle and you've never been here in your entire life"

"OKAY!" Elspeth said simply.

"Accio Strip bar!" he pointed his wand at her and she vanished.

Just in the nick of time, Keito arrived and hugged him tightly.

"Oh, my Nana is doing terific and I'm back early! So how was Elspeth?" she turned serious.

He did nothing but smile. The whole night, they talk about their loving moments and he discussed about what happened. Keito held him close to her, smiled warmily that sent a pleasent chill down Severus' spine and she whispered tenderly,

"Severs... I love you... and I will NEVER EVER ;eave you again..."

And theydanced the night away until the dawn breaked...

Elspeth... please don't interfere. Thank you. No harm done, just don't write your story here. I didn't want to hurt you and be thankful I didn't! 344   haha but little did little bighty keito was about to die. yes heheheheheheheeh the little bight.because Snape was two timing her with the prom queen in his 5th year at hogwarts and she was beatiful. And he love her almost as much as keito. But she was the jealous type so keito is going down. So that night she crep in to there room and saw her beatiful snpe lying with an other woman. Moonstone drew out a metal saber slit her throat and drank her blood[twilight zone theme song going] keito died easy. Not a droop of blood left. Then moonstone took out a slightly smaller knife and hacked her heart out .Then slowy she dripped the boodly fluid from it on to her lipps and let it run down her mouth then her breast and on to the floor. Keito was beyond death. Beyond the 11th gate of death where no soul could be returned to life. she then crawled into bed and started to feed on severus sweet lush blood. he awoke nowing keito was gone. He began kissing moonstone neck . He could not help from crying. His body shock with sadness for his loss. But once you've had the kiss of a vampire you can love nothing else but the vampire. Moonstone withdrew her fangs and licked away his tears leaving keitos blood on his cheeks. She then kissed him sweetly on the lips. They then made love. By the time they were done blood had incaked their boodys. Moonstone then left snape to his suffering ",When the moon rises again I'll be back for you my love", she wispered in his ear and as quickly as she was there she was gone. 345   haha but little did little bighty keito was about to die. yes heheheheheheheeh the little bight.because Snape was two timing her with the prom queen in his 5th year at hogwarts and she was beatiful. And he love her almost as much as keito. But she was the jealous type so keito is going down. So that night she crep in to there room and saw her beatiful snpe lying with an other woman. Moonstone drew out a metal saber slit her throat and drank her blood[twilight zone theme song going] keito died easy. Not a droop of blood left. Then moonstone took out a slightly smaller knife and hacked her heart out .Then slowy she dripped the boodly fluid from it on to her lipps and let it run down her mouth then her breast and on to the floor. Keito was beyond death. Beyond the 11th gate of death where no soul could be returned to life. she then crawled into bed and started to feed on severus sweet lush blood. he awoke nowing keito was gone. He began kissing moonstone neck . He could not help from crying. His body shock with sadness for his loss. But once you've had the kiss of a vampire you can love nothing else but the vampire. Moonstone withdrew her fangs and licked away his tears leaving keitos blood on his cheeks. She then kissed him sweetly on the lips. They then made love. By the time they were done blood had incaked their boodys. Moonstone then left snape to his suffering ",When the moon rises again I'll be back for you my love", she wispered in his ear and as quickly as she was there she was gone. 346   sorry my computer did something weird and it did my part-of-the-story-story twice 347   Okay... no. I tried to be nice to you but nooooooooooo, did you listen to me!

I HATE YOU!

Snape woke up.
"I hate her!" he shouted.
He walked up to her and shot her and she died finding some oher guy in heaven or should I say, HELL!

The previous story before this, NEVER EXSISTED!
348   Oh... sorry Elspeth not you, CHARLOTTE! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
GO AWAY! 349   and snape did hate moonstone. vampires are hated but there is a fine line between hate and love. You hate the vampire but you will always love them. Once you've had their kiss. There is a way to revive ketio but she can only come back to her once a month and only have a half heart only a half heart. 350  
oooh and by the way my real name is Beck . And sweetheart hate is strong. So dont hate the vampire love him 351  

You Guys seriously have no lives. 352   Okay fine "Beth", let's start over. Hello I'm Keito and I didn't mean to be cruel. And you don't make sence. First you want to be in bed with him... now you say he hates you? Okay I LOVE Harry and it's more likely Severus will hate me... but just explain to me why you switched sides and why you wanted to take over me. And yes person who last wrote, I have no life and I'm a complete geek! My only life is HARRY POTTER AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway... 353   OKAY CHARLOTTLE IF YOU WANT TO START OVER, COOL.. IF YOU DON'T OH WELL. NOW DOWNLOAD THIS SONG!

ODE TO HARRY POTTER!

you can only do this if you have kazza or morpheus or whatever! 354  

LOL - you put Elspeth in a strip bar! I'm Elspeth, by the way - and I mostly just added to this story in the first place to see what you all would do if another girl got into the mix. All of you are very funny and the story is always entertaining! OK - sorry for the interruption - back to the story . . . 355   moonstone drifted through death. my vegance wil come my she wispered to herself. there will be helll to pay once i get out of death. First i will come and break you snape. You must have loved that damed mortal. You resited me how how. I am moonstone created my Armond himself . I have driken from both our gods. How how. I now a way to break you snape. this is the end the end. And i will be at peace. Why did i love you why. first i will torture you and then i will give you the one thing that i hate .i will give you the dark kiiss. The real kiss of the vampire. the dark gift. And with that with all her might she sprang back to the world out of her beloved death and the moon hit her skin with its sweet redence 356  

snape hadnt slept in weeks now. always the same dream. He would roll over in bed and there would be his beloved keito. Sleeping soundly. He would reach over and kiss her brow but before he could reach her her body would desinicrate[i now i spelled that wrong] [if youve seen the ring somethin like that]and all that would be left would be her heart . Thumping loudly. It would bump so loud it sounded as though some one was screaming. After a couple of nights he could make out what it was saming. Snape my dearest why do you put me through this torment. It was keitos voice but it was cold not like his beloved. Then he would see everything spring up in fire. Exotis figures would spring out and dance. beatifuul women trying to tempt him to go back to the firey hell that they came from. and then he would see moonstone surronded by the cretures of hell walking towards him."you'll want me again forget the mortal. You love me i love you. Stop loving her and come to me or thre will be hell to pay" always at this time snape would jump up out of sleep and like always he would see moonstone ssitting at the end of his bed"think about it "she would say and just fade away like she was just part of his dreams. snape would usally just sitt in his bed and weep after every dream. Tears would be every were when morning came. But life goes on and on. have you ever stepedd into the kitchen and saw the carving knife and wonder what it would feel like to drive it through your heart. i now i have but this was wahat snape felt like always drifting into and out of wanting death 357  


ooh hello Elspeth and ketio. you say you dont get me. well quite frankly i dont get myself. But one hing you can be sure of is i love harry potter[alan rickman mainly] and vampires
358   okay sorry elspeth about that. and charlotte... well... yes a lot of people like Alan because of his sexy...yummy...deep...voice. (drool) and all my friends i'm crazy!!!! except one cuz she likes harry potter too, but not Snape unfortunatly... Tom Feton of course. i like dan the tom the alan but within this story HE IS MINE!

after one night of all the weeping, he took a day off from teaching.

Knock! Knock! went the door.

"w-who is it?" snape tried to sound firm.

"It's me Severus" said wheezy voice.

"headmaster! Come in, come in!" he shouted wiping his nose and drying his eyes, which were extremly bloodshot.

DUMBLEDORE opened the door and appeared with an empathetic look.

"have you been weeping severus?" he asked so gently kind of quakey.

"oh headmaster! i keep having dreams about my ex-girlfriend!and she appaears everywhere i go phrasing the same thing over and over, 'think about it'" he wept aloud.

"ah, but aren't you having an affair with my doctor?"

(if you were here when i was introduced to the story, i was dumbledore's doctor.)

"yes headmaster. but..."

"but nothing severus." he interupted quickly " you said it. you love Keito and that should be the end. by the way... did charlotte ever make you happy? was she always there for you? did you ever wonder she left you or why you left her? that's the most important question. there always has to be a reason why someone leaves their old lover. if you get her off you mind and think of the positive about you and miss Keito... then you will posibly be that happiest man alive. if you got be a death off your mind... you can get miss charlotte off your mind"

Snape smiled and nodded.

********

Snape ran to Keito and embraced her in his arms in the middle of her DADA class and kissed her passionatly.

evryone cooed and giggled.

snape didn't care, Keito however was a bit embarassed at the same time grateful he finally wasn't afraid to show his love in public.
"i chose you" he whispered hugging her.
"what?" she asked giggling.

A peircing scream ringed his head as he and the class jumped with a startle. they all saw a red fog around a beautiful woman whispering aloud in a deadly whisper:

"well, i'm gone and am not to bother you. if you this veela is your choice... let it be! i'll just gine you bad luck for the next year!" she faded away.

"I'm half veela, half witch! Geez!" Keito yelled outloud."am i really that beautiful?" she meant as a joke and the people giggled loudly.

"yes Keito," snape turned her to him and he kissed her again.

Keito

ps - i'm sorry charlotte, i'm unussual myself and but i was here FIRST and it's a big deal to me! so why are you invading? just answer that. thanks

Keito 359  

right you guys are totally stoned but i must atmitted i love harry potter too so here my contribution.(i saw lord of the rings at midnight and it was the best movie ive ever seen in my life)
But would moonstone really give up. Calm yourself moonstone cued her dearest friend lilly. "I want to now how she escaped from death' said moonstone "but the only way of doing that is going beyond the 4th gate and you probaly wont be able to get back" "I dont give a damn, so snape has refused me hehhe so i have to carry out my promise first.the dark kiss
(Hello beck-charlotte-moonstone. i noticed youve been using favrous ideas from SABRAIL i just want to now if this was true. And keito your love scenes are how can i say it BORRING,spice it up) 360   dude you are wierd lilly. but how did you now that alot of the stuff im using was from Sabrail and Liral r you like a mind reader 361  

yes 362   damn your freakin me out but im really horny so im going to right a really graphic scene.

snape lay beside keito. no one can make love like my presious[lotr dont sue me] her soft warm skin aginst his. thats what he had longed for for a long time was the warm flesh of mlrtal skin not the cold hard flesh of a vampire. the warm breath aginst his cheek. her beatiful breast pressed agisnt him. he reached over and kissed her on the brow. 363   but this time like in the dreams her body stayed pressed aginst his.
the next day during potions every one noticed a strange difference in their potion master. he was happy he even complimented grangers pheno loptus potion. this was wierd. just wierd like why the sun rise at day and the moon at night. but he was walking down the hall when all of a sudden 364  

that wasn't too graphic. Well ok. when all of a sudden a papery white hand of a vampire. it grbed him by the hand and pulled him down a small passageway. one that he had never seen before. where r u taking me bight let me go.he yelled. the black hood vampire 365   dragged him to a small door.sisters open i have the victum. the small black door opened. the vampire grab the back of severus's neck and pulled him down so that he would fit through the door 366   for an instabt he saw the vampires eyes. the iris and the pupil were there but the whites around the eyes was a rich blood color. snape remebered something that moonstone had said. what was it,yes it was beware te ones with the blood shot eyes. they come for your soul. the small vampire pushed him through. she was suprisingly strong and yet she only came up to his chest. severus when they started going through the door seized the chance and pulled his wand from his cloak.but before he could cast a spell the little vampire reach over and with the siltest of easy snap it. it was deffinitly braken. his wand fell from his hand and out of nowhere a sadow ran picked it up and ran back in the door. nisssses tryss said the red eyed vampire. they descended a stair case in complete darkness her hand still holding the back of his neck firmly. the staircase seemed to go on forever. sevral times snape tripped and fell but the vampy always picked him up and dragged him even more quickly down the stairs. finally they reached an end a came into a small room lit with torches. there were five other of these blood eyed creatures in the room. they were all standing around something chating a langage i dare not write. it burned snapes ear. the scare at his wrist began to burn hottly. lilly come said the eldest of the group. her body was that of a 7 year old but her eyes shown great wisdom that no child could posses. master said lilly i have brought him as you said. the little girll with eyes of an even darker red then lillys. right as she came out of the circle snape saw what was in the centr of the circle. something dead. its eyes had dark pits around them and the white skin of the vampire had started to rott to a grey color. moonstone[or charlotte or beck im not sure] wispered snape. Yes said the master.'she is not dead though' said lilly. snape walked close to moonstone tne hooded creatures parting for him he walked to her and sat next to her. how could have loved her. he laughed out loud but he wish he hadnt. a great pain hit the scar all voldimorts followers had.it was so great he tryed to ripp his wrist off. the vampires seeing this unnatrualy fast tied him up[and moonstone-charlotte-beck i hope the dark gift is becoming a vampy] snaped tryed to struggle but the little creatures were strong. finally he just quite and lay still by moonstone. then slowlly all 6 of the vampires came and drank from him .after a long time of drinking when snape barley had enough blood to sustain himself the master wispered'die or become one of us' without waiting for his ansewer she sipped the last blood he had out of him. she thenslit moonstones wirst and soved it into snapes mouth. the blood flooded his mouth. he tryed to spit it out but someone was holding his mouth and nose shut. when finally he had to have oxygen he swallowed. all the vampires walked away from him. he felt the blood rush through him the hot wiskey. the master seeing lilly looking aliitled worried said'his mortal self is dieing very painful' right as she said this snape beggan to twist and scream. finally he lay still.'he will just lay there for a couple of hours he will be a strong vampire when the time comes now time to revive your friend' all the vampires slit there wrist and walked towards her. they soved her mouth open aand all of them dripeed blood into her mouth. the life started coming back to her she opened her eyes.'she has arisen' said the master 367   last time i spiced it up... i scared myself. yes i am boring but i'll do my best... you want some spice... GO TO CHAPTER 172! YEESH. YOU SPICE IT! I G2G!

Keito 368  
Oh... hello. Seems everything's okay... Keito...
W-why are you mentioning... Chapter 172??? Alright for the people who want spice... I recommend you check out her FIRST chapter... She-I know-doesn't want to spice anything more because... well it could turn suicide spicey!

I'll...uh... leave. 369  

new part. Severus found a huge case of straight Everclear. he opened a bottle and was halfway through when mccgonagl walked in. "severus.why are you hogging a secret store of liquor? the least you could do would be to share.*sigh* i suppose i can trade you some crack for it." snape happily agreed. when they were both hammered and high, they began to remove clothes. snape was first done and he was looking at a beutaful woman in front of him. "lets get it on... 370   What the... HELL! no no no no no no no no on no! new part!
yuck! ew!
Lets pretend the dream already continued from the last chapter!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! God!!!

SEVERUS SCREAMED. He woke Keito up who was sleeping beside him after a night of pleasure. (that's as far as i'll go! you people add the spice!)
"severus! what happened!" she asked worriedly.

"oh my god! i had the worst nightmare ever! this is what happened..."

hours later...

Keito's eyes were wide and in awe.

"Exactly..." severus nodded

"well..." Keito started "i know what to do to get that wicked nightmare off your NASTY mind..." she licked her lips nastily.

"ohhhh..." he said in a relaxing but quivering whisper and so the night continued...

more hours later...

"OH!" Keito breathed and slopped down beside him exhaustingly after getting off snape.

"that was the best i've had in the last six days we've done this!" he breathed as well. "lets do it again!"

"okay!" she said and this time he got on top of her.

this time it showed decriptions. what happened was...

YOU WRITE THE REST! 371  
Keito! What are you doing?! This is horrible! STOP! You've made your suicide spice, now you can stop! Let's talk about good things like... what do you want for Christmas? What are you doing for the New Year?
C'mon!
372  

snape lay in bed after hours of sex exhausted, when the sun just bbegan to come up in the east. i thought id never see daylight again after that horrid dream. he noticed that his eyesite had inproved over the night wierd he thought.keito had gone out tu do her mourining chores. so he was all alone. he walked over to the window he arrived at it unnatrual fast which was also wierd and all of a sudden he fell to the floor his flesh burning before his very eyes. he reached up to his neck and on it was 2 little fang marks. presious tryed to get away wispered a voice. moonstone walked out of the shadows the sun not seeming to afeect her. her eyes red as flame. she walk over to the window and scooped him up in her arms. she lifted him and then she and snape faded away from his very eyes. snape felt his body fade away. his eyes faded and then he arrived back into the little room in which he was created but in stead of the table being there 7 coffins had been replased. master he has burnt himself may i use the potion. she handed her a small black bottle which moonstone poured over snapes chest where he had been the most badly burnt. 'what is happening to me'said snape. the master walked over to him her eyes fixed on his'u r a vampire but not just a vampire you have been created by the six now the seven' she said looking proudly at moonstone.' you saved her from death were she went to find peace where her old mortal loers lay.'then the master pulled her wand out and lifted snape into a coffin and started to shut it.'moonstone get in' 'i dont want to' said moonstone' he refused me so i must go find someone else' 'no he gave u life now get in there my orders' so moonstone crawled in next to snape.' i will come for u in 7 days' said the master covering the rest of the coffin. and then she bolted them in 373  
keito ur scarin me. lilly stop emailin me. ur freakin me out with all this stuff about me dieing. im t young to die. keito can u tell her to go away. shes majorly sscarin me. 374  
I'm scaring myself! i don't like lilly either. what i did is make up a whole bunch of different emails and printed stuff like:

a;iuguliyrto@hotmail.com and they let me write the story.

now thet lilly know ur email... i can't do anything about that...

yes all this stuff about vampires... it's scary! stop with the vampires!


nothing. snape went throgh the castle and found an escape route and never returned to where moonstone had brought him nor did he let her take him.
snape made his bed and went to his class and taught without any bad comments the whole day.

every time snape would pass keito, she starred at him a bit scared. she finally went up to him and they talked

"severus hun," she began "i'm not so comfortable with last night. i still love you but we can do all of that when..."

"when what?" snape asked

"uh... nothing," she looked down and continued to walk.

Keito meant to say they can do all of that when they get married... but she knew snape wpuld never propose to her. he's not that kind of man. she thought he's like one of the men who won't get married but have children and live together. she sighed and taught her classes in depression all day. then...


MOONSTONE! snape isn't going back to that vampire place! make something happen within the school! nothing to do with vampires though! we ain't GOTHIC! i'm a normal catholic person who loves GOD! now leave! 375  
keito this isnt my email adress. she hacked my computer and some how got it. this is not my email. and thank you for calling me a goth because im am a very popular one nown for writing harry potter porn and my porny gossip magizine blonde monthly 376  

beware the the moon at night. be nice to it for it could be your destruction be nice to the one with the red eyes. they come at night take your young and your soul if they chose. be nice ketio be nice charlotte elizabeth watts 377   from your condamned friend, killer of a thousnad souls , follower of the order of the red eyes

lilly 378  

jesus christ how the hell did she now my whole name. lilly stay off my im please. your scarin me, and how did you get past my im block. 379   ... moonstone... you are just sick. I don't think I'll ever come back here again!

Chrirese

Syanara!

Ps - Sorry Keito but these Goth people are scary! 380  
well bye. cuz seiously i'm scared and i will sue if lilly does email me...

don't please.

bye forever 381  
i dont think you have to worry about it. she only copyed some of my files like microsft word and itunes. plus i share a ton of files on the web so she might have just gotten them from there?
moonston
p.s she cant i asure you hack your computer. she just can do mine because i share alot of files and have a beyond crapy computer[well at least when i started but i got a new imac so...] just dont worry about it
p.s.the only reason i posted all that crap was this is the only way i now to communicae with her
p.s.s.happy holidays
382   Hey sorry to interrupt whatever yall had going but i was wondering if someone wanted to start another story ..i found this one hilaroius and wanted to see if we could make one even funnier..but yall dont have to i just enjoy seeing what yall rite...well mabey i'll help write a little if ya'll agree...but i guess someone shuld either answer or email me...but if ya do i'll be glad to help..cheers! : ) 383  

ummm fresh meat. sure id love a new story. bring it on 384   i think we should do one where severus is in school like when he attended hogwarts
385   i am not good at starting stuff but i can add alright i guess....so if yall wuldnt mind starting it?.....ill be happy to help wryte 386  

just start writing the damn story if you want to. ya snape when he was young sounds fine. just warning you though keito will probaly change it to her likings. but ill continue yours. because this is getting boring. when some one finally makes an interesting part keito change it. YOUR TO SET BACK IM YOUR WAYS KEITO. so go head start a new one 387  

life is crap get use to that 388  

Then the Professor proprosed to Krista, and they lived happily ever after with a beautiful, love filled life! :D 389  

The End!! 390  



Severus was extrememly apprehensive as the arrived at platform nine and three quarters. His parents hadn't had the time to accompany him since they were always busy, but, fortunately, his father had told him how to get on to the platform. "I hope this works," he thought to himself. 391   He decided to go at the barrier at a quick pace so he took a deep breath and before he knew it he was staring at the Hogwarts Express.

Severus took a compartment at the very end on the left to be sure that he would be solitary(alone) on the journey to Hogwarts. But just as he had settled himself to take a nap another boy with blonde hair and a smirk on his face entered the compartment. 392   "Why hello Severus," said the blonde-haired boy.
"Hi, Lucius, so i see you have, after all, decided to choose Hogwarts over Durmstrang," Severus replied in his deep baritone voice.


They didn't say much for the rest of the trip, but Severus knew that Lucius was ALWAYS plotting something to make someone else miserable. 393  

(((there i did it, i started a story :) .))) 394  


Snape eventually fell asleep, and when he did, he dreamed that he was being raped by a man. Then he woke up. whoa he said hat was a eally weird drem.Then he saw Lucius on top of him, and he screamed bloody murdere 395   umm......no.

Severus was a little nervous about being put into his desired house, which was Slytherin as we all know. As he put the hat on he automatically thought..Slytherin, I have to be in Slytherin, and sure enough....he was chosen for Slytherin.

The rest of the year passed by like a blur and before Sev. knew it ...it was his fifth year (sorry guys but i think he's better a little older than just 11 or 12 or something so i just bumped the story up a bit.) 396  

snape for the last few years had been dating the love of his life lilly.me me me who he had loved ever since he was two. bu she had a secret she was not a virgiin like snape [the adience gasps] but thqt was about to change... 397  

why does everyone want to exploit poor snape..??? it's sad, really it is... 398  
because hes very sexy sexy sexy sexy. and alan rickman has the voice of god.damni love him 399   yes i guess i must agree :)!
and i just ordered alan's movie Blow Dry and in case you have no clue what it is then you shuld look it up! 400   \\
willy willy
\\ 401   Snape turned around. He was in a weird place he hadnt been before. He was in my bed in my bedroom nude!He got up surprised as i walked in. He soon realized that he was in my room and that we were both teachers at hogwarts. and u know what will happen next... 402  

when along came she mistress of the night mwaa. and she killed every damn person in the school and every one was happy 403  
Just then Snape woke up.

"What a strange dream," he thought to himself. I was naked, and then everyone at the school got killed (well, that part of the dream was nice...)"

Just then he looked around an wondered if he was, in fact, really awake, for standing at the food of his bed was 404  
it was keito his old girl friend and she was glowing[like arwen from lord of the rings, ooo i hate her] and she came over to him and 405   he killed her and she NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER returned...snape was wondering why she never died... 406   okay i saw that! i just came to say hello and i'll leave now bye! 407   omg...i was kidding. people these days...so uptight and take everything so personally. chill out and have a drink or two ...loosen up..lol jk! 408  

wiskey gooood.keito come back i blocked lillys computer from this site and things r getting boring
409  









































































































nyhehehehehehehehe.















Then Snape woke up. 410  
it was a beatiful blonde man starring deep in to snapes eyes his hand resting on his shoulder[sorry ive just been having this fantasy about aragorn and snape making out with the shower going purrrrr] 411   all of a sudden liquid fire started running down the walls of his room and he was engulfed in flames...when he came to he realized he was in the hospital ward....he looked around and saw that Miss. Granger was in the bed across from him and appeared to be covered in fur...funny he thought...it suited her better than her regular hair...he passed out again...but little did he know that across the room someone was watching him...plotting to disfigure his beautiful face... 412  

(if i save him from miss. granger can i have detention??) 413   he passed out again and he saw the beatiful blonde man'close your eyes' he wispered leaning in for the kiss 'no' said snape in his sleep but the young man kept cressing his lips kissing him harder and harder pulling snapes neck closer to his. the mans eyes piring his soul 'give in' the man said 'give in' he smiled showing long fangs. 414   oh go to my website
www.expage.com/blondecharlotte 415   snape reached onto his nightstand and grabbed the nearest lamp then crashed it over the vampire's head. He managed to push the vile creature away and escape just in time. 416   but the vampire could not be weakened by any mortal or wizard wepon[not even a lamp sade] and he leap and grabed sanpe 'yo have gone to far' the man said slicing snapes throat and leaving him for death... 417   then harry and haggert gothelp butperfser dumbuldorer got killdron hermine got away so did harry 418   100 bottles of beer on the wall 100 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 99 bottles of beer.99 bottles of beer on the wall 99bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 98 bottles of beer.98 bottles of beer on the wall 98 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 97 bottles of beer97 bottles of beer on the wall 97 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 96 bottles of beer.96 bottles of beer on the wall 96 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 95 bottles of beer.95 bottles of beer on the wall 95 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 94 bottles of beer.94 bottles of beer on the wall 94 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 93 bottles of beer.93 bottles of beer on the wall 93 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 92 bottles of beer.92 bottles of beer on the wall 92 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 91 bottles of beer.91bottles of beer on the wall 91 bottles of beer.bring one down pass it around 90 bottles of beer.90 bottles of beer on the wall 90 bottles of beer.
eheheheheheheh
moonstone 419   k, i've seen u people talk and yah keito and i chrirese have been gone forever so don't know why u guys r still talking about us.

and by the way... keito is chrirese and chrirese is keito. u guys r shitheads. my
friend has a few words to say. by the way i hate goths. 420   u are all fuckin fags, y the fuck do u like harry potter so much. are u are fuckin stupid get fuckin msn if u want to talk to each other nu old fuckin homosexuals. harry potter and snape are gay.
the like to jerk each other off, when the camera isn't running. and if u like the movie it was fuckin stuped it had no meaning.

from: a normal person (keito's friend)

ps-go fuck yourself 421   yah um i don't like wut my friend said cuz danny and alan are hot but u guys r fags cuz ur using my name. anyway i left cuz u guys were mean. and i HATE scratch that LOATH GOTHS so don't know y u guys think i'm goth. so i just came bye to say hi. by the ay, y do u think chrirese would help keito out so much?? i mean hello! geez so that y i'm the exact same person. i just dropped by to say hey... u guys r fags. so now u know that people who say r keito and chrirese r liers. so yah. bye u gothic fags.

Chrirese/Keito 422   ... i'm talking rite now cuz i can't believe u were using my name!!!!! 423  
well i love jesus and you must be like really fucked off damn my buddy jesus wouldnt aprove of this. Well im glad ur back peaple are gettin kindaof borinng in heere with no one to change my preverted stories. life is good

well ive made snape 'happy' so please be glad to carry this on. his gay blonde stalker is 'viggo mortoson' only the other hottest guy in the world winkwink
so go fuck out
moonstone
424  
um yah i'm not here to stay. i wnated to vizit and see wuts happenin. well it's pretty fucked up, and i almost got hacked last time so yah bye.

Keito/Chrirese 425  
god yall are all idiots and this is going to really piss you off but lilly never was ganna hack your god damn computer because lilly is my younger sister all of yall are Supid fuckin moroons 426   Jesus loves me yrs i now for the bible tells me so little ones to him belong they are weak but he is strong yes jesus loves me yes jesus loves me yes jesus loves meee for the bible tells me so 427   Jesus loves me yrs i now for the bible tells me so little ones to him belong they are weak but he is strong yes jesus loves me yes jesus loves me yes jesus loves meee for the bible tells me so 428   OMG, y r u all b-in so bloody stupid eh??!!
4 the last time, Snape is mine n I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Alan Rickman is the voice of GOD!!!!
NOW can i have a detetion plz?!?!!!!
429   You guyz are't even tellin' a story ur just chattin'. It's supposed to be a story. 430   BUFFY ROX!! (Mon.-Fri. 6-8 channel 69, Tues. 6-7 channel 69 and 8-9 channel 7) 431   laura is that u in my story or is it just an other girl who iz a spike lover 432   I've been followin up on this story for quite some time and love it, so I'm gonna add on from time to time if that's all right. 433   GGO AHEAAD
BE NASTY THOUGH 434  

Sorry... line 432 is actually someone new... I'm Casiana... I kind of forgot my name b/c i had 3 min to type it and shut down my comp... but anyway... 435   or line 433... sorry... not used to this...

Anyway... Okay... Snape wakes up from a terrible dream and finds himself in what he thinks is another one, but it is not one... the blonde haired man and a hairy Hermione standing over him. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he screams, and faints. He woke up at midnight and saw a huge flame with his voice screaming something about the voice of God... He reached for his wand and used the fire putter-outer charm and saw an angry man in a green and brown suit. "Who the Fuck are you and what the Fuck are you doing by my bed?" You're notgay or bi and won't try to rape me, will you?" Snape screamed. "I can't rape you if I wanted to. angels are as ill equiped as a ken doll." he pulled down his pants, and he had no dick. Snape screamed. "I am the Metatron," the man replied, pulling up his pants and spreading his wings, and then folding them. "haven't you heard of a Metatron? I'm a Ceraphim. The highest Choir of angels! YOu do know what an angel is, don't you? A Metatron acts as the voice of God. I came to tell you that you must kill anyone who thinks you are not sexy. No, actually, that's only the optional one... but who can resist you? No, you must capture a red stone from the evil witch in the northern castle. Do this and you will fall in love and marry the best bride there can be... for you. Now I must go." the Metatron disapeared. (this is from DOGMA the best movie ^_^) 436  

So Snape got out of bed and snuck out of the castle using the invisibility cloak he secretly stole from Harry Pothead... i mean Potter's... room... and went north where he ran into the evil yet extremely attractive blonde man. "where are you going, my man whore?" he asked. "Get away from me, bastard!" snape screamed, and pulled out his wand and zapped him to someplace called middle earth, where he was apparently from. "I'm glad that's over with, he sighed, and put his wand down his robe. 437   He continued on his way when he saw a shadow above him. "Who's there?" Snape yelled. "What? Is there someone else out here?" cried a familiar voice. Snape ran up to the voice, and saw potter smoking a joint. "I knew it!" snape screamed. "Potter the Pothead!" Then Harry yelled "Accio Broomstick" and escaped, which was all the better because Snape's mission wasn't even started yet, so he decided to zap himself to the outscirts of the witches domain, wheezy land, but accidentally said Cheezy land, and ended up in Wisconsin. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, but then remembered he could just zap himself to wheezy land from Wisconsin. 438   So he gets to wheezy land, and... someone else take over? 439   But then snape comes back goes to the wizerding world and says potter are new celibrety, fame isn't every thing is it mister potter i hate griffendors tell me mister potter do you knoe what lies in the school this moment and harry said the chamber of secrets yes said snape and im the heir of sylitherin now get to potions class or 50 points will be taking away for second year dumb luck or fall on your fat ass 440  
why do we live when in yje end life kills us. just something to think about....

snape lay in bed next to the beatiful blonde man."i never new things could be like this man only 2 minutes to an orgy wow" snape said starring into the blonde mans eyes "i new you would understand but i must go now" "NO" yelled snape "so much love so much passion i couldnt stand to be without you" "im sorry said the man"i love you but i have to so now" he wispered walking out of the room with those new low rise jeans on from levis. leaving snape along to tourment his lost lovers
keito
moonstone
lilly
chrise
Elspeth
and many more others
tear tear
god im good i like you casiana welcome to snape world im moonstone the current ruler of snapes fate right now so without further ado on with the show

keito get back on this damn site you never really were going to get hacked i just did that to scare the shit out of ya
moonstne
441  

Thanks moonstone i like you too... sadly, i'm fresh out of ideas at the moment, but i'll be back! Casiana
442   'llalaalalalalalalalalaalalalalalaalalalalalalalalalalalllalalalalalallalalaaalalalalaalallalalaalala' said snape after hed taken a long sipp of winkys magic wiskey[get drunk in just 1 i say 1 swallow] and this so happened to be his 5th hehehehehe wonderful 'the next woman i see im gonna fuck' snape bellowed in his small office' and sure enough who was 2 walk in at that moment but ms. hermione granger......... you take it from here 443   Hermione saw a glint of pure need in her potion teacher's eyes and ran like hell out of his office. Snape, determined to get laid, ran after her, but pervert potter jumped in front of him and put a body binding spell on him. Snape was too drunk to get himself out of it and when he did he realized who he wanted to fuck and read some dirty novels instead. 444   Snape silently crept out of his dungeon office after acting like a retard, he finally gained his senses back. H caught a glimpse of Pamela Anderson and Julia Volkovo. After he jumped both of them he stabbed abd killed Pamela Anderson, and realized he had just did a lesbian named Julia. He just made it ti the toilet and blew chunks everywhere, and I mean literally everywhere! Dumbledore walked in again, "thinking of me again, Severus?" he said coldly. 445   Snape walked back to his dungeons, disappointed that he didn't get laid by miss Anderson's dead corpse and buried it in Dumbledore's office, he screamed, WHY? WHY AM I ATTRACTED TO DYKES? Suddenly Lupin's voice came behind him, "Because you dumb Skimp.... you broke up with Potter and everything changed! Dipshit!" And you loved me and dumped me, and it gave me crabs! He shrieked. Snape spoke softly, "Lupin, do you always cry at night?" Lupin looked up, "yes, i cry so much that i have to wear waer water wings to bed." Snape nodded in agreement and said, "Shuttuppa you fish face!" Lupin gave him a quelling look. What do you mean by those nasty names? He demanded. "You asshole, stickkit uppa your nose!" He screeched!" 446   ok that got kinda weird ....but thatz ok so please do continue
447   Walking back to the castle, Snape put his arm fervently around Lupin and began to laugh uncontrollably. Lupin pulled himself away immediantly. "Snape!" He cried, what's up with you? Your acting.... odd. As Snape clutched his stomach still laughing like a mad man, fell to the ground. Still cackling, he began to cry. Later, after his laughing spell, he began seeing things like a mirage. His eyes widened as the sight of lupin began to look more and more like Harry. His uper lip curled,he jumped to his feet and put his hand tightly around Lupin's neck. Still believing that it's Potter, he almost suceeded in killing Lupin. "HA! YOU SMARMY SOME OF A BITCH!" Thought you fooled me? Pretended to be Lupin and making me laugh like a raving ego maniac! He suddenly let go off Lupin's neck. Lupin, gasping for breath his purple face made Snape feel suddenly sickly. He look around befuddled like. Lupin? He ask softly. Where's Potter? Lupin looked up still gaping for breath, "What?" Severus--what do you mean? You were choking me, killing me like Sponge--, he cut off shortly. Snape glared at him with a gloating look. "What?" He asked sulkily. What about sponge Bob? Lupin was terrified. I mean-- i didn't know, it got around! Severus, you must believe me! Snape narrowed his eyes somberly at Lupin, then perked up again. Forgiven, he said formally. I'll will spare your miserable little werewolf life, Lupin. Just then, an evil grin, spread across Lupin's face. Snape looked at him suspiciously. Lupin? He said softly. What, lupin? Lupin looked up at the sky slowly still grinning. Snape's eye's widened as he looked up at the sky. A full moon. Snape began to run back to the castle. Lupin began to transform into a werewolf and run after Snape. As he got closer and closer, Snape could feel a sharp stabbing pain of Talon's in his back. He emited a blood curdling scream. As Lupin pounced on his back, his sharp talons went right through snape, killing him. As Snape's final words were "Fuck you", his head fell to the ground. Everybody from the castle ran outside to see what all the comotion was about. Semus Finnigan saw Snape lying there dead and Lupin standing over him, he yelled: HE'S DEAD! Oh bloody hell, the gods have answered our prayers, and everybody began to clap and cheer. 448   lol
but because this was the full moon snapes lover moonstone was awakened from her vampire sleep. she emerged looking seeking blood. her blood red eyes scanned the hirizon. she noticed something weird as she existed the forbidden forrest were she had lay. there between a large groups was snape dead as a door knob. NO she yelled NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she yelled so god dead freakin loud it sent everyy one into unconsince and waking snape up from his not to wonderful death Oh one of my loves how i missed you so. and there they made mad love sending all the students who were watching into death heheheheheheheh
-moonstone 449   ..And then they all died. The end. 450  

Start of a New Story then.

Snape lay quietley and alone in his office one day after school, his eyes were red and bloodshot, the sleeves of his robes were soaked and he was balled op in a fetal position on his bed. He had been crying. "I'll get it someday, I swear I will" he tod himself. Ten minuets ago he had been sitting in Professor McGonnogall's awaiting an awnser to his almost annual request to take on the DADA job. And once again he was turned down. He said no words as he stomped down the coridors, up to his room, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. No sooner had he slammed his bedroom door tears began streaming down his face. he cried and cried for a long time until finally Professor McGonnogall knocked on his door. "Severus? Severus, Please open the door." I dont want to be seen, Go Away!" Severus, I have to talk t-" "I said Go away!, I dont want to talk, just leave me alone!"
"Severus open this door now before I break it down myself" "Ok, Ok, sheesh!"
He slowly unlocked the door. "I know what you're going to say,(he put on a shrill squeaky voice)There's always next year!" "Sev, I know It hurts but somethings are just meant to be, you cant always get what you want." "I know" said Snape "but I really wanted it this year" "Severus, I came up here to comfort you, but there is also something I think you are ready to know."
said McGonnagall "Severus, I know that when you were a bit younger I told you that you were adopted,I told you that I did not know who your mother was but that your father was a man by the name of Salazar Snape. All of that is true, except I do know who your mother is. I have known for a long time. I was here when you took you first steps in this castle, when you said your first word, "Dumbledor". You grew up here in this castle, Severus Snape...I am your...mother!
Snape's eyes grew large. He could not believe what he had just heard. "M-mother?" "Yes" He rushed up and hugged her with tears streaming down his face, and burried his face in her shoulder. She cradled him in her arms as he cried uncontrollably into her neck as they sat on the bed.
She stroked his black hair as he played with her necklace, both still hugging. "We must tell everyone!" said McGonnogall "Yes at dinner, tonight!" Ok then see you at the Hall!" and McG, turned to leave. "Mum! Wait!"
"Yes?" Snape hugged McG and she walked out the door.
Later that night the feast had just began. McGonnogall tapped on her wine glass and asked for evertone's attention. "Now, I have some very important news to tell you! Moany of you did not know that almost, 36 years ago I gave birth to a son. I have invited him here today to have a nice dinner with us. If you will all turn your attention, to the back door, He will be here shortly." Snape, slowly but surely walked thru the door and thousands of eyes were on him and thousands of mouths were ide open in disbelief. "It's Snape!" said one student. All the students whispered and pointed. "Attention please" said McG. "I also have another notice, Our new DADA teacher will be Professor Snape! But never fear he will be teaching Potions as well!" All eyes were now on Snape and he began to sweat and blush. One student piped up and said "Mama's Boy! Mama's Boy!" The students be gan to join in. Snape looked at all the students, look at his mother with a teary eyed expression and his face crumpled and he ran from the room as tears now gushed down his face. He ran down the corridor as far as he could go and then shot up another corridor. He tripped on a rug and fell, skinning his hand. He got back up and ran again, this time just falling on his knees and burying his face in his hands. McGonnagall raced down the corridor to comfort her son. He loostend from her grip and ran as far and as fast as his legs could carry him. Up one hall and down another he nearly lost his way. He slammed against a wall that mysteriously had grown there somehow. He thought "This is too much, I need a plan to gat even, Even with the students, even with Mum!"
His black eyes grew intense, his lips curled into a sneer, he came up with an idea, an awfully wonderfull idea to get back!
Snape sat against the wall in his bed later that night, this was the night he was going to play an evil trick on McG, he was going to switch EVERYONES bodies with another person. Then he would cast a memory charm on them so no one would remember who they were! Snape had been up all night planning this, It was nearly three when he heard footsteps down the hall. He quickly lunged into the closet so as not to be seen. The mystery person was McG. She walked into the room and said "Hello?" Snape kept silent."What's this? A lesson plan? Lets see what he has planned!" She read the paper and with her eyes wide as dinner plates she ran out of the room, the paper still in hand. As soon as she had left the office, Snape leapt out of the closet and gathered his paper. Only one was missing, his plans "Oh, NO!" shouted Snape. It was too late to turn back now, It was now or never. He had to risk it. Without the Spell, convienently stored away in McG's private files, he had nothing so he craept down to her office. He used the alohamora charm to unlock her door. piles and piles of papers lay eveywhere. He began sifting thru them, un aware that McGonnogall had snuck into the room behind him. She tapped him on the shoulder and whe he turned around she slapped him on the face so hard he fell in to a stack of files, sending papers flying in every direction. "Um.. hello there! Hey! This isn't my office! I must have gotten lost, so sorry! and gave a nervous laugh. Before he could get another word in McG grabbed him by the ear and started escorting him down the hallway, despite his frequent cries of "Leggo" and "Ouch!" By now it was 5 in the morning and she dragged him to the headmasters office, demanidng an explanation. He told her the whole story. "Well, Just because you are a teacher does not mean I can't take points off of you! Slytherin will lose 30 points!, and to ensure it does not happen again, you will spend the next two weeks in detention!"
The End!
451   new story!!!

snape woke up one night in sweat... he had a dream that scared him, about an evil vampire chasing him. luckily he had a .454 cassull handgun with melted cross bullets to take care of that one, but when he went over to the body it was the one he loved... in another life... yet it made him think of his loves in this life and he started to cry silently until there was a knock on the door. 452  
Oh, come on... New Story, already! I'm sick of the nonsensical crap!

One evening before the Hogwarts school term started, Professor Severus Snape sat in his bed chambers, staring intently out of his open window. He knew that within a week, all of the students would be coming back, including Harry Potter.

Snape hated Potter. Harry was, in his opinion, the most dispicable, unruly, rude, canniving, and idiotic boy he had ever had the displeasure of meeting in his life, besides his father, James Potter. Snape took a long sigh as he thought of James. He hated him, too, but James was dead, now.

But there was a light in the future for Severus. Back in his school days, he was good friends with a boy named Reaver Peruna, and still was. He and Reaver exchanged letters from time to time, and sometimes Severus visited him in Italy. Reaver was married to a Romanian woman he had met after their Hogwarts graduation named Octavia, and together they lived in Venice with their daughter, Moona. And if there was one child in the world Severus Snape felt any love for, it was Moona Crescentus Peruna. She had grown up knowing him as Severus, and he was requested to be her godfather, a preposition he gladly accepted.

Now, he had recently recieved a letter from Reaver, stating that the Peruna family was moving back to England, and Moona would be attending Hogwarts with the fifth year students. Severus was overjoyed at the news, and wrote back immediately. About a day later, he got another letter from his dear friend, reading as follows:

Dear Severus,
I am glad you are happy. Moona will start term as soon as we get settled into our new house, which may take awhile, but she IS registered, of course. I do have a request of you, dear friend. Whilst Moona attends Hogwarts, I want it seen to that she is sorted into a suitable House, (more desirably Slytherin, but Ravenclaw is also acceptable), and does not associate with those foul Gryffindors or Hufflepuffs. I am asking that you be her guardian, and keep her safe. Send us her grade marks, also. Please write back soon,
~Your friend, Reaver Peruna

Severus Snape was happy to accept the request, and wrote back.

***

It took until October for the Perunas to move from Italy to England, and Moona started late. Therefore, whenst she finally came, her Sorting was held privately, in front of the staff, only. Severus Snape was simply overflowing with anticipatation to see Moona. He had to work very hard to keep his face straight with its usual gloom and glare.

Moona Peruna sat on a stool in front of the staff table, waiting for the Sorting Hat to be put on her head. She was certainly a spellbinding and pretty girl, with long, shiny black hair and deep, dark blue eyes.

"Now, Miss Peruna," Dumbledore said calmly, "You are going to be Sorted. There are four Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw... and Slytherin. Which one you go into will affect your entire school days here."

Moona knew all of these things. She sat patiently, however, acknowledging Dumbledore's words.

Then, Professor McGonagall plopped the Sorting Hat on her delicate head. Snape watched anxiously, hoping the girl was in Slytherin. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he had to look after a Hufflepuff or Gryffindor student; it would ruin his reputation.

The Hat was very long in deciding with Moona. Snape wished he knew what it was saying to her, but he didn't. He remembered his Sorting, also. The Hat had considered putting him in Ravenclaw, as he was very intelligent, but had decided on Slytherin, instead. Snape started to rub his hands nervously under the table.

The Hat finally spoke. Its voice was croaky as it called to the teachers, "She's a Slytherin, Professor Dumbledore!"

Severus breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

(Now, all of you who wish to continue it, if at all... don't go fucking it up too much... I'm begging you.) Thanks!!! 453  
ive had this problem before i havent met u in this little story before so letz not go crusing at unknown subjects. and by the way sasha snape or alan rickman the hottest most sexiet guy who makes so damn horny is i think 57 now. ok now we got that out of the way......

its so great to see you again snape said little moona[iim not sure how old this chick is so please do tell] ive missed you 2' said snape giving her one of those big grand pa hugs[ahh this is makin me harny] srry. ur in my house now said snape and dont worry about anything ill always be there fo you'. but there was something about moona that awakened him''ha i knew you would think of me again' said a fire voice in his head'sleeping with men snape how could you when i get out of this hell you some how escaped i will tourment you'said the voice'' 'moonstone' snape wispered 'you now i love you i will always love you' 'im so sorry 'said moonstone'its just that i miss you so much ill try 2 get back to you'

bye now this is gettin interesting
moonstone 454  





lalalallalalaallalala
455   some 1 write something
456  

Meanwhile, new transfers entered the school of Hogwarts as Slyterhins. Their names were Erica and Jen.

One day as they were walking down the hall, they spotted Snape.

"SNAPE! GET BACK HERE!" Erica screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran down the hall towards her greasy haired hero and jumped on his back. Erica 'rode' Snape all the way back to the dungeons.

"Most students cringe at the sight of Snape. But, oh no, not Erica, she jumps on his back and freakin' rides him across the school." Jen said to herself. "I need to start hanging out with new friends. Oh, h-E-llo sexy!" Jen had noticed Draco walking past her.

An hour later Erica walked in on Jen and Draco playing Twister in the common room.

"Where were you?" Jen asked while getting up from the floor, she had a right hand on red, a left on green, a right foot on yellow, and a left on blue.

"I paid a visit to ANDYLAND with Professor Snape! " Erica said, she looked really happy.

"Really?! Was the leather nice a worn?" Jen asked.

"YES!!!" Erica was doing a happy dance in the middle of the room. Jen joined in and they danced across the room. All the while Draco looked at them in complete confusion.

"Andyland?" Draco asked even more confused.

"It's an inside joke..." Jen said. "Erica went to Leather Couch Andyland!" Jen and Erica danced across the room.

***Andyland is an inside joke between me and my friend Erica...so is the leather couch thing...sry if you are confused...***


457   Professor Snape walked in on the danceing, Draco eyed the suspicious looking lipstick marks on his face.
"What are you all doing here?" Snape said in his ever so masculinely smooth voice." Get back to class, all of you."
Erica Sighed at the sound of his voice. But then she noticed the lipstick smeared behind his ears, in various other places on his face? Had Snape found an interest in that new datda teacher? Could it be? Well that was no matter, she would just call her closest associate, she would know what to do to get rid of this datda bitch! MUHAHAHAHAH cough, sputter, sputter.......Ha!
"Hello, Martha Stewart?"
(the craftiest women alive in Erica's view.......ha, get it crafty as in crafts and ctafty as in clever, and......ah, never mind)
"Erica, dearest, is that you?, I was just feeding the bunny squids, got to fatten them up for the big day!"
yes of course, national mutant clams day, how could she forget.
"So, you want to get rid of the new teacher at your school?" (Miss. Stewart was a class A mind reader, and escaped convict, but we don't talk about that...)
"Yes, almighty one, but how?"
"You must follow the ways of the dust bunnies, but I can't tell you more than that, I have to watch the weather channel."
The almighty one was right, she must find the queen of the dust bunnies......Oprah.
And so begins the Saga of Erica and the Dust bunnies, on her quest to stop her beloved Snape from falling into the clutches of the evil Professor McChicken, the new defense against the dark arts teacher. Let us hope the best for her, and hope that she will not be alone on this perrilous journey. 458   Meanwhile,back at the school Snape sat in lay-z-boy thinking about his new romance, Claire.Wow, was she ever amazing. And than he thought about how much better he was, and how amazed she must be with him. Just then, he heard a knock on his door, and abruptly got up to answer it. Professor Dumbledore was standing in front of him.
"Severous", he said,"I'm afraid I have some bad news." 459  
moonstone coffin has been reopened and the bodies gone said dumbledore.'what' said snape 'and there has been rumors of an un known vampire roaming hogsmead a women snape a women with black hair and her eyes'said dumbledore in a hushed voice
'i heard her voice awhile ago . in my head she said something about getting out of hell'said snape 'well i believe she has' said dumbledore 'i will worn the professers' 'no dont do that' said a soft womans voice behind snapes ear. they both turned around and saw moonstone drenched in hermione grangers blood.
460  

It simply could not be true! "How can this have happened?"
"well, it has, my dears, and I don't think I really need to explain." said moonstone in a very confidant tone. "Mabey now we can have some time together, my dearest...." She growled as she bit Snape's ear. Suddenly a thought came to Snape's ever so complex and brilliant mind. With one swift motion he reached behind him and grabbed his father's dagger from it's place mounted on the wall and plunged it into Moonstone's evil heart.
She rose from the floor, her own black blood now mixing with Hermione's. "Well now," she spoke,"have we forgotten something, Professor? Yes, now what was it again? Ahh yes, YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I AM ALREADY DEAD...MUHAHAHAHA!!"
Her disturbing laugh echoed in Snape's mind. "Damn it headmaster, I do believe we are in trouble."
461  
"snape why do you try to heart me"moonstone said with a smile."any way i thought you'd be happy that i killed that little brat"she said licking her lips."freezefridgedbitch" yelled Professor Dumbledore [freezefridgedbitch is a popular curse 2 put a friged bitches but since she wasn't it didn't exactly work]
"moonstone leave, I never loved you now go" now this seemed to disturb her."but snape you do thats the problem" she said wraping her arms around him "if you don't love me tell me to leave again and i will" she said while her blood and hermiones drip down snapes body. snape stared into her big beatiful green eyes. and he thought to himself well i havn't had really good sex in awhile so why should i tell her to leave. "Sevrus tell her to leave" yelled Dumbledore."No i think I'll pass'said snape but when he had turned round again he saw moonstone who had pulled the knife out of her body and was pointing it's a snape's heart
462  

And as he looked into those green eyes that he had once thought were full of love and compassion for him, he saw the glint of madness that he had never seen before. As a matter of fact, there was a certain Emily that wasn't there before as well.( Emily was Snape's old girlfriend from about 2 years ago, he had loved her so much, but then one morning she had disapeared without a trace)
"Emily?" Snape croaked with an astonished look on his face.
"Damn," the women uttered in a much different voice from moonstone's, more melodious, and sweeter to the ear."I thought my polyjuice potion lasted longer than that!" She exclaimed as she lowered the dagger, and dropped it to the floor with a clatter. And before the professor's eyes "Moonstone" morphed into the fair Emily that Snape knew so well.
Her long golden hair, lively, laughing, faye green eyes, milk white skin sprinkled with the freckles Snape had counted one by one as they lay in bed together so many nights. There were exactly 927 on her face and neck. How in the world did he remember that? He did not know.
"What...how...please Emily, explain this to me." Snape blurted out.
"Well," she said in her singular voice,"I wanted to come back to you, Severus, I really wanted to,"she sobbed."Ihave been dead for two years, and the only way I could come back would be if I used the life of another, hence the death of Mrs. Granger. So I took the form of Moonstone so I could travel in a whole body, mine was obliviated when Voldemort killed me for trying to save you, but I guess her soul kind of, well took over me, and....oh, you must believe me!"
Dumbledore and Snape were left speechless, neither one of them had any idea what to say to her. 463  
"interesting 'said a voice behind them."lilly" asked snape [lilly is a creacture i invented and threatened peeps with and scared the crap out of hehe, read about her in 372 i think]

"yes snape it is me " she said coming out her blood red eye streaming "did we forgets me now hhehehehe, you'll wish you hadn't 464   Awaking with a start, Severus felt a bit of relief as the mellow light of the new day flooded in through the curtains. Noticing the dew that rested on the window only made Severus play close attention to the beads of sweat dripping down his face. "that dream..." he said out loud. "It couldn't be possible, not real." Then all of the sudden His heart skipped a beat in his chest. For all over the room came a strange green glow..... 465   why when ever the story doesn't go the way they want they say they woke up from a dream don't dig that just sometin 2 think about.

466   Or was it? The green glow from behind his bedroom door became brighter, and more vibrant. It was then that a scent very farmilliar to him, reached his nostrals. What could it be? It reminded him of fresh summer days, and the few times in his life he had been truely happy......I mean TRUELY happy. What was it then......no, it couldn't be...it was just a dream, just a figmant of his broad imagination. Emily was dead, her mutilated body was found that night by the river. But no matter how he tried to convince himself that she was never comming back to him, the green light under the door still seemed to leer at him, like he was an unwelcome guest at a private party. And as he slipped into his billowing black robes, he couldn't get his highly sophisticated mind off of her face, and the love he saw in her eyes when she looked at him. No one had ever looked at him in that way before in his entire life, and was never likely to again. It was just that that dream had been so vivid, and clear...Her voice still rung in his ears..."I was killed that night by Lord Voldemort for trying to save you..." She had givin her life for him. She would still be alive had he never become a death eater. How could he have been so ignorant?! 467  

Snape woke up in bed with a start and, to is utter shock, there were dried tears staining his white chiseled cheeks. How long had it been since he had had such an emotional dream? How long had it been since he had felt such emotion, period. It was a dream, though, he was sure of it. He didn't actually know any woman named emily, although if such a wonderful person existed he would have liked to know her, but there was nobody. No one could ever be so pure...*Snap out of it!*, Severus thought.

He sat up, rubbing his temples which twinged with his usual craving for the caffene that he had evey morning.

A soft, gentle glow escaped through his narrow dungeun window and dark curtains, striping the dark appolstry of his room with rays of warm sunlight. Light that he had hated, had hidden himself from for years, not feeling worthy.

He ran his long, graceful white hands through his hair, noticing it was greasy and he got up to wash it and get ready for work that day.

For some reason he needed to talk to somebody, but he didn't know who or what about. He wasn't expecting anyone to want to talk to him, so you can imagine his surprise when he heard wailing coming from his sink!

Moaning Myrtle suddenly slid out of the end of his faucet, singing a song witch resembled a funeral march. "Hmmmmmm...oh! Hehehe! Morning, Professor Snape!" she giggled.

"Er...Myrtle...what are you doing in my sink?" he tried to say it as nicely as possible, not wanting to hurt her sensitive feelings.

"Oh, I see," she snifled, "You don't want me to be here!" A high pitched whimpering ensued.

"No, no, no, Myrtle! It's not that!" Snape waved his hands around him as he tried to calm her. He wasn't quite sure how to comfort a ghost, wanting to pat her on the shoulder but knowing his hand would probably go through her, which might upset her further. "It's not just that it's you." he said in his quiet, soothing, barritone voice. "I can assure you, Myrtle, that none of the other students here are allowed to be in my sink either."

Myrtle giggled. Snape even had to admitt that he was being obsurdley nice and hadn't made an unnoffensive joke in a long time but, apparently, it was even funny.

"You're going to treat me like a normal student, Professor, even though I've been here longer than you have?" Myrtle asked, blushing silver and giggling.

"You are perpetually a student, which I and others envy you for. Imagine being completely ageless!" Snape said, being uncharicteristically polite. What on earth was happening to him?

"Okay," Myrtle giggled, "Bye, Professor."

After Snape had washed and combed his hair and gotten dressed, he was still feeling oddly. He thought he heard humming again and so he turned to the sink to see if Moaning Myrtle was coming back, but instead the humming was coming from the courtyard above his window. *Who could that be?* he wondered. *It's early yet.*

He walked curiously to his window, pulling aside the black curtains. He looked around at the court yard which, at first sight, seemed devoid of living persons, but then he saw the band director, Clarice Davenporte (my character don't steal her).

Proffessor Davenporte had alway struck Snape as an odd woman. She was American, received her musical degrees in a muggle university (although she had once received partial training as an auror),had an unusual phobia of crows and ravens, and she was close in age to Snape. She had waist-length, dark, brown hair, streaked evenly with silver, dark blue eyes that danced in the light and grew large and diolated in the dark, a fair complexion and a pretty smile.

She was alone now, spinning a colorguard riffle and humming a Russian march.

Her auror training must have been effective for her, because, after watching her spin for less than five minutes, she caught the rifle and turned to look at the window where Severus was standing, watching her. "Hi, there!" she said. "would you like to come up and play for me so that I can have some real music to play to?" she asked smiling.

"oh, no.."Severus said, smiling shyly and shaking his head. "I don't like to play outside where people can hear me."

"Well," Clarice pouted, "If I get out my clarinet, will you get out your french horn? Besides, playing outside where people can here you is exactly what marching band is all about!" she grinned.

"Oh, yes, but I haven't been in an actual band since I was ten" he said, flustered. "I may have lost some of my spirited band attitude since then"

"Honey, you've lost all of it! But that dosn't mean that I can't help you find it again!"

"Well," he said, hesitating.

"C'mon, I don't have any students to bother now that they're all still asleep! I need somebody to come outside and be a freak with me!"

"Do we have to be outside to be freaks?"

"It's more fun that way!" she said, grinning and winking.

Snape left his rooms to go outside, all the while thinking, *It's intelligent, persuasive and beautiful women like her that will be the death of me!* 468   Why the hell do all you people change the plotline of the story so much..whenever you don't like something that happens, you make it a dream...it is sooo agrivating, just go with the story..ok? It will be more fun for everyone that way. Please? 469   Just then, snape jumped out of the computer screen and tried to strangle Devinand make her apologize for being stupid. (sorry peeps I was just testing out my own story) then Devin's friends tied her up and made her listen to the Chicago soundtrack.

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts...snape was walking the corridore when his eyes met a strange sight. Voldemort had been captured. He was being restrained by a straight jacket and was getting escorted to the hospital wing by two surly looking underlies.

At first, snape thought that Voldemort was recieting an odd chant then he realized that it was just really bad singing.

"The name off everybody's lips is gonna be...Voldey! The guy who's raking in the chips is gonna be..Voldey! I wanna be a celebrity, that means some one that every one knows! They're gonna recognize my eyes my hair my nonexistant nose!" voldemort cried, somehow freeing his arms, then began to dance. "From just some stupid muggle's son, I'm gonna be...Voldey! Who says that murder's not an art? And who, in case he dosn't hang can say he started witha bang? Voldemort!" 470  
lol
Thank u emily some1 finally got my point. And band camp girl please get a life we don't care about band camp [oh american pie iz the best movie]
471  

Thanks, Moonstone. Now can we please get a real plot in this story? One that everyone will follow along with? One that makes sense? It is ok to be funny and silly, and even weird, but can it make sense? And can we please stop with the suddenly waking up from the dream thing..it is just taking the easy way out, and is pretty lame if u ask me! Thanks a lot! 472   Severus sat on his bed crossed legged staring at the ceiling wondering why life was so boring.It then began to dawn on him that life was boring because he had no-one to share it with;he needed a girlfriend.He always had a bit of a thing for Lily Potter but,she died.So he thought on and came to the rather strange desision of...guess who...should I tell you...can you wait,James Potter's sister Erodel.Erodel was 26 and he was 32 not too bad plus she was also in Slytherin house...rather strange but,apparently she lived in America and had long,dark hair,dark eyes, loved the dark side of life and was exceptionaly at potions.He thought to himself,"she doesn't sound too bad maybe I'll send her an owl later..."
He got up,left the room,locked the door by magic and wandered off to the dungeons for a bit of peace and quiet. 473  

get it rite snape aka alan rickman is 57 hes 57 get it people hes 57.

oh well i guess we must return 2 da storie

snape was so tryed of being alone he was so alone he would go with any1 he didn't care so he went out and screamed
"keito
moonstone
lilly
chrise
Elspeth
And the hot gay gut we never gave a name to"
and they all appeared out of nowhere and had an amazing 6um. talk about some interesting sex.

Guys just to tell you an absesed with rasputin rite and i was surfen the web and found alan rickman made a movie as him as rasputin im soooooo happpy lalalalalaalalalalaalalalalalalallalalaalalalalalalala 474  

get it rite snape aka alan rickman is 57 hes 57 get it people hes 57.

oh well i guess we must return 2 da storie

snape was so tryed of being alone he was so alone he would go with any1 he didn't care so he went out and screamed
"keito
moonstone
lilly
chrise
Elspeth
And the hot gay gut we never gave a name to"
and they all appeared out of nowhere and had an amazing 6um. talk about some interesting sex.

Guys just to tell you an absesed with rasputin rite and i was surfen the web and found alan rickman made a movie as him as rasputin im soooooo happpy lalalalalaalalalalaalalalalalalallalalaalalalalalalala 475  
I'm back for a visit. It's Keito. I went looking back at the other stuff all you people wrote and I saw that you want me back Moonstone. Well I don't know cuz I don't know you at all and I dob't know that you won't hack me or not. but I do miss this site. Now, is Snape still my lover? I must know. And it's spelled Chrirese not Chrise. Okay so yah, why do u want me back on? Anyway I ahave to study for test I have, I shouldn't be on, so good bye. 476  

By the way moonstone... u r a horny little pervert! I strongly suggest u take me out of the 6um! 477  
glad ur back...
I really should name the hot gay guy... not that any one cares. lalaalala
Okay will end the odd 6um and i found lilly is actually my older step sister and doesn't know anything about computers [unlike maw] so don't worry about it...
and if you can belive it snape is single aaaaah
back 2 da story
"Snape wake up, somethings wrong' said mconagal in snapes ear 'some thing is killing the students only 100red of the kids ramain, professor sprout is dead also' 'what 'said snape in his dreay sexy sleep 'come' she said and then the whole shcooll gave a big boom
'oh my god...its......
478  
yoyoyo litle z in da house da wat iz wrong' said some random guy 'litle z in da house and little z gonna rock yo white trash world... 479   What the Hell is going on in this story......?hey, guys, listen..when I said to make a plot for this story that everyone could follow along with, i meant to create a plot that everyone could FOLLOW ALONG WITH AND ADD TO, I mean, cmon! What the HELL is going on in this story? Someone start it, pleaze!!!!!!!!! 480  
well white bitch listen 2 ltile z and start da damn story yoself
481   um, no i'm not comin' back to this site, cuz i fell uncomfortable about it now. and uh ... the person who is black ... yo yo n' all dat lil' z in da house stuff ... um don't be racist ... cuz u don't sound black the way ur talkin'. if u are, more power 2 u. i'm just don't be racist? white b****? ur not very nice. 482  
how'd yA know i was white trash:> 483  

*cough* Boy has this story ever fallen so far... Right! Gonna start it better!
Severus awoke covered in cold sweat, 'It was just a dream, just a dream,' he thought. Then he looked up and found that he was in a boat with the two protaganists from the 'Road to Elderado'.
"Oh shit." said Sev, as the blond haired, green-eyed man waved at him.
"Look Tulio! A Vampire!" said the blond.
"Hey! I am not!" yelled Snape, sitting up quickly, "And what the hell am I doing here?"
"Dunno," shrugged the black-haired man, "You just appered outa no where, why aren't we freakin' out?"
"Snort" went the horse.
"Oh great," muttered Severus, "I'm stuck in a boat with three freaks...uh...why are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean?"
The blond smiled, "We're going to row to Spain!"
Severus groaned and hoped this was another bad dream, like all the others he seemed to be having... 484  
hehe
They rowed for many days,never once of course did it acurre to snape to use magic...
they three gents sometimes got soo bored they'd start talking about there lives
omgomg. "well my probleme is i always wanted to be some1 important but you would fear when you went to sleep... i take all my anger out on this kid named harry potter....sigh"
" a harry potter hehehe" said tulio ," get some1 whos hairy and makes potery hahahahahaha" both of the two stooges laughing there heads off "i cant sand this anymore " said snape and yelling... 485   ghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvvghdddddffzvbccgcfzdfdhhfu6yfygyrttgfyurfudftsdffhjghyrrglpifdsrdtfyguguhhuhhuhhyftdyfuvxchcgvguguvgvsdgvsdguguvcguvxtivxgdvstuvgjgvtuvxhxvtivxct7vxctuvv

mwahaahahaahaha
youve been struck by the snape raper mahahahahaha 486   "Huh?" asked Tulio.
"Sorry, momentary insanity." said Snape, still wondering where all the verbs had gone.
Look! Land!" yelled the excited blond, whos name started with 'M' but was too hard to spell. Severus sighed happily, he could at last get off this wretched boat and find a way to the nearest mental insitution. He hoped to take several of the writers with him.
"Oi!" said Tulio, waving a hand in front of his face, "we're there!"
"YAY!" screamed Severus, jumping out of the boat and so out of charecter that many people thougt he was actually the reincarnation of Miaka Yuuki, however after a short five minutes of this, he turned back into his normal and cold self.
"He's mental," whispered the blond to Tulio.
"Yeah, and, where are we?" 487   the map tulio the map i had.said M
"you mean you grabed the map and not anymore gold" said tulio reaching forward to strangle him. "wait a tick" said snape picking up the map "i know where we are" and all together they shouted eldorado, and then they went on the little adventure thing while play elton john music in the backround [ i met him once and asked for his autograph, but since im a girl and not a guy i think i really pissed him off]
They had seen some odd stuff im not going into detail,
and by night fall they were tired. lets get somesleep ya'll said M. and they all cuddled up to go to sleep but snape couldn't sleep he lay there starring at the stars . "snape iz thet you " said a voice behind him "Moonstone is that you" he asked "yes" a sweet femine voice said "what are you doing hear?" asked snape "I do belive your my murin beatha dan [soulmate in wicca] if we keep seeing each other like this in odd places" she said entering the starlight. She was dressed unusaully wearing an amazon tipe out fit . she slinked over her long fangs gleaming in the starlite. she walked over to wear he lay and daped her body over his. she gave him a slight kiss and said" ive missed you. she reached down and unbuttoned the top of his black robes. snape reached up and kissed her cold flesh wear her heart would be and then her neck and then her hard lips. by now she had gotten most of his robes off and then the potent sex envolving alot of screaming and violant kissing [imagine the love seen in the matrix reload except in the amazon. but what they didn't realize both tulio and M, were watching "oh look said tulio"free first-hand porn" 488  

The Next Day Snape was a different person. He was acting very odd. He was actually happy! Get this-he was nice to Harry! Snape was now a ladies man! He could go up all over Hogwarts and attract all the teachers! Professor Snape and Professor Trealawaney would bump into each other. "Good Morning Professor Snape" Said Trelawaney, "I see love is agreeing with you" she said to him. "O yes, last time Ive had the time of my life, Its so exotic down in the amazon!" he said. Three months after Sanpe broke up with the "Amazon" Girl and had an affair with Trelawaney. Again his affair was really exoctic beyond belief like no other. 489   Harry, Hermione and Ron just finished transfiguation class.
"Is it true what I am hearing?, Is Professor Snape and Professor Trelawaney having an affair?" asked Hermione. "If its true, both of them have lost their damn bloody minds!" said Ron. "True or Not, they both have issues!" said Harry. Draco also had that question on his mind. "I saw Trelawaney and Snape last night hand and hand!" explained Draco to Crabbe and Goyle. "Really? Pass me the chicken!" yelled Crabbe. It was dinner time in the Great Hall. You could tell Snape was in love with Trelawaney. He started to give Gryffindor more house points. "Is Professor Snape wacked or what?" said Neville to his fellow Gryffindors in the Gryffindor common room. "Dumbeldore talked to him the other day about his "affair"!" said Seamus. "He said if he doesn't call it off with Trelawaney problems will arise!" expalined Seamus. "So it is true!" said Ron. "For how long has this been going on?" asked Hermione. "At least 5 months, according to Snape" expalined Seamus. Snape and Trelawaney were now the biggest news at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 490  
yes moonsstone had broken it of with snape. why not she was immortal she would see him again [and sweet heart don't piss me off its just not a good thing.] lilly and the red eyes had started a new coven in africa that she was interested in. "oh moonstone its so great to see you again" cried lilly her blood red eyes shimmering "your just in time for the human sacrifices" "do we have to do this "asked moonstone "i mean the poor muggles even though we do use crinmals and all"
"come i have a surprise' said lilly pionting to one of the sacrificals it was osma bin ladin
mwhahahhaahah
491  

Snape has had a bad dream! "Wow was I dreaming about Miss Amazon or what?!?" said Snape. Trelawaney said "Darling you are too tense, please hold yourself at ease." "Ease?!?, Is Dumbeldore right should we continue this?" Snape expalined. "Serveus, just lay low!, who cares what Albus says we love each other that is all that matters!" Trelawaney explained. Off they supposedly went back to "sleep". Snape was having second thoughts. "Is Trelawaney the one or am I in a deep trance or will the "Amazon" continue to haunt me.


It was dinner time at the great hall. "Did you see Snape today?, He acting more strange then the past week!" said Hermione. "Yea he gave Draco minus 10 off Slytherin!" said Seamus. "Is that bloody wicked or what!" said Ron. Draco arrived at Harry's table. "Just because Snape is having an "affair" with that rotten deviation teacher Trela--or whatever her name is is going to keep you guys from gaining points!" said Draco. "We are still in Snape's house, but to be honest he is only in a trance, by the way my father says every single affair Snape has had ended in MISERY!" expained Draco. "He still likes us best so don't get used to it Potter!" said Draco with an evil tone. "YEAH!" said Crabbe and Goyle.

Meanwhile back in the Gryffindor common room.."For once in Draco's life he is actually RIGHT!" said Neville. "Snape is in a trance!" explained Seamus. "Maybe thats why he has always been mean to everyone in the other houses besides his own!" said Harry. "Well we can't expect this affair to last--hopefully it won't because to tell you the truth I like the old Snape better!" said Neville. "O I so AGREE with you on that!" expalined Hermione. Was everyone right? Was Snape in a trance? Only time would tell.......


492  

Hi. It is Fleur D'Talon here. I am not out to make all of you people angry, but I want to pause in the story for a moment to ask how amny people are from the beginning and have read this the whole way through? please tell me and get on with the story then. 493   the next day snape returned to class wearing bright hippy clothes and with a peace symbol tatooed on his forehead. he gave out no homework nor did he take any points from any of the houses, but taught them about karma, and meditation all lesson.

all of the class found this disturbing, very disturbing, it was like eveyone's worst nightmare. hermione, being as clever as she was reckoned that Snape was slightly stressed and had taken trelawney's advice just a bit too seriously, Ron reckoned otherwise; he reckoned that Snape had finally had an emotional breakdown and completely lost the plot.

Harry thought it was safe to say that everyone had nightmares that night.

The lesson after that Harry dropped his potion and Neville blew up his cauldron. Snape cleaned it all up with a pleasant smile and without even one harsh word. when harry promptly asked "aren't you going to shout at me or...give me grueling detention or something?", Snape merely replied, " Oh no dear, no, that would ruin my karma!"

Harry's mouth had dropped to the floor and Hermione almost fainted, Lavender did and Draco Malfoy's face was comical. harry had had enough, he was going to see Dumbledore about Snape... 494   hey im back its moonstone any1 miss me. well i dont really care.and linda ive read most but not all da story...

"whats up with snape " wispered bethane a 6th year slthryn. " i dont know" wispered he friend lillth."im going to go and see him hhe is going to far, to far"
She sweeped out of the common room. 495   she glided down to the dungeons and when snape was not there or in his office she had no choice. Bethane
knew were snapes sleepig chambers were but snape had forrbidden her to ever come to them again. It had been a terrible night for her it was in her nightmares in her head and she couldnt get it out. Snape had been drinking when she was jst a frst year at hogwarts, She had gone back to see what the homework was when he had asked her to folow him back to his room. Then all tose awful memorys swirling around but snape had put a curse on her so she couldnt rember much of it. Snape from then on had been terribly nice to her doing anything he could to seek her forgivness. But she never had forgiven him or would she thought as she reached a large portrait of an egytian queen with a large snake curling around her neck. She looked down on Bethane and said "what the hell do you want."
I need to talk to the professor" said bethane. "well obviously'' she grunted''ill go ask if he wants to talk 2 u" and with that she disappered. a second later the door swinged open and in she waled. The first room in snapes living quarter was like the common room. Over the fire was a portrait of a very beatiful misterious women.''Your snapes lover arnt you?"asked bethane."Late lover," she corrected."Snapes in a dreadful mood ever since trewlany but that terrible curse on him" "so thats it" wispered bethne. 496  

All of a sudden there came a loud bang.snape walked in the room with a fierce grin on his face."hello bethne.what an unpleasent
suprise,"said a angry snape. "why hello professer,"bethne studderd. "Into my office." snape grabbed her arm and dragged her up some step and threw her into a chair. snape sat across from her and started crying. "im sorry."he whisperd."for what"bethne asked. "i should've told you before"snape muttered."bethne, i am your father." DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
497  
Okay.....This is getting a little weird and not to mention boring. I think somebody needs to start a new story. (Oh by the way my name is Severo!!)
Anybody agree with me????
498   Hellooooooo!!!!
Any body here?????
Anybody going to write anything???






Okay fine if nobody is going to write anything...I'll write something and then somebody can take if from there. (If I let them!)

New Story:

Snape woke up very agitated on October 23 to a very cold day. Not to mention stormy.
He was dreading the day because he had to teach Potions to Potter. The annoyance of his life.
"Why do I have to teach that so very annoying boy?!?!" yelled Snape at the top of his lungs.
Snape stared at the ceiling for awhile and dreading what he had to do that day.
"No use in sitting in here all day! I wonder what time it is?" *Looks at a clock*
"Great Scott!! Its already noon!!! How in the heck did it become that late???
Wait maybe my clock is wrong and it is only midnight?
I sure do hope so."
Snape gets up and looks out the window. The sun is bearly coming up.
"Alright who messed up my clock?? Wait it must have stopped during the
night.*Checks to see if it is ticking* I was right! I'll fix it later." Snape then gets dressed in his usual black robes with his great black cloak and heads to the Great Hall to have breakfast and discovers something very odd and unusual. Three people were missing from the Gryffindor table and those people were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger.
Snape's heart skipped a beat.
He thought, "If Granger, Weasley and Potter are not coming to class today that means I don't have to teach those little dunderheads, idoits, those annoying little brats!!!!
But Snape did not get to
celebrate for long as soon as he got to his seat at the staff table he overheard Prof.
McGonagall talking to Prof. Dumbledore."...Albus is it true??" McGonagall was saying.
"Yes Minerva." said Dumbledore.
"Harry,Ron,and Hermione have disappeared mysteriously."
"Albus! We need to send out a search party!!" cried McGonagall quietly.
"Minerva, it is the beginning of the year and none of the teachers can go on a search party. And the Minstry of Magic won't care. But there is one person who can go looking for them, even though he despises all three of them."said Dumbldore
"Who??"
"Can't you think of no one?? Who is still in James Potter's dept?" said Dumbledore hintingly.
"Oh." said McGonagall dryly. "I know who you are talking about. You are talking about Severus aren't you??"
"Yes, Minerva. Severus is the only person who can save Harry, Ron, and Hermione. But he is going to refuse. We know he despises them, but he is going to have to face the fact that he has to. And so this year he is going to spend the year looking for them." said Dumbldore.
"Does that mean Potions class is not to take place for the rest of the year??? Severus is not going to be pleased."
"Yes Potions class is not going to take place this year.
And I know quite well Severus is not going to be pleased."
"Albus, when are we going to tell Severus?" asked McGonagall worriedly. "For I do not want to be the one to tell him. I have seen him extremely angry once and I do not want to experience that again."
"I am not sure when we tell Severus. Probably tonight after dinner. I will be the one to tell him. But you will accompany me. Will you not?" asked Dumbldore.
"I will accompany you Albus." said McGonagall nervously.
"I think it is time to wish the students Good Morning and make announcements, Albus"
"Right you are Minerva." said Dumbledore cheerfully.
The conversation then ended.
Snape could not beleive what he had just heard. He was feeling really quesy. And not wanting to eat Breakfast.
He wished he was dead.
"Me!! The only one to save Potter and his friends. Impossible!!" thought Snape.
"This is not happening! This is NOT happening! Geez!
Why me?? WHY ME!!!!!! I can I please go off and die somewhere!! Minerva has only seen me really angry. She has not seen me EXTREMELY ANGRY AND EXREMELY FURIOUS. Calm down Severus, Calm down. Must eat breakfast quick, go back to office and take 5 or more Calming Potions." thought Snape furiously.


After eating a very small and very quick breakfast. Snape went down to his office and took 2 calming potions.
Which calmed him down for awhile. Snape did not teach that day dreading the evening after dinner. Minerva and Albus did not know that he had over heard them talking.
Snape didn't think about it long. And decided to take a nap.

He woke just in time for dinner. He did not want to go. But if didn't Minerva and Albus might suspect something.
And he doesn't want that to happen. So he decides to head down to dinner.
After sitting at the staff table for 15 minutes listening to Dumbledore talking to the school. Snape was getting irritated, for all he wanted to do was to eat dinner and get addressed about Potter and friends dissapearing and all that crap. So he could have a decent night's rest. And not worry about things.

After about 10 minutes later Dumbledore concluded his speech and dinner finally began. Snape ate very little and didn't say anything.
Dumbledore kept looking at him warily and worriedly. For Snape had a very worriedly look on his face.
At about 15 minutes past 8 pm Snape became a little worried,
fore what reason he did not know. Then it hit him like somebody had just poured ice-cold water over him.
He just realized that he was worried about Potter and his friends. That was not like him. He thought about this for
awhile. Then Dumbledore got up and announced dinner was over and wished all the student good night.
When almost everybody left and Snape about to go out of the Great Hall and head to his office, Dumbledore and McGonagall came over and asked Snape to come to his office.
Snape then went to Dumbledore's office along with McGonagall looking very nervous and jumpy.

"Headmaster, I dare ask why aom I here? I only come in here when there is somthing urgent." asked Snape a litte annoyed.
"You are here on two things, the first I do beleive you already know. For if I am not mistaken you overheard Minerva and I talking this morning."
"Headmaster how did you know???" Snape asked furiously. Snape was white and very surprised.
"I knew after my speech as I looked at you. For you were very unusually white and you did look really shocked. That is how I knew you knew the first reason you are here.
The second you not Minerva know about.
McGonagall suddenly asked"There is another reason Severus and I are here? So you didn't want me to come to witness how furious Severus would be with this news. You had me accompany you for another reason!!" McGonagall looked very agitated and flustered. Snape gave her a look that clearly said"what's with you, a transfiguration gone wrong?".
Dumbledore only smiled and said cooly,"Yes, Minerva. You and Severus are here because I have discovered a document that was written 3 weeks before the Potters were murdered by Voldemort."
Snape closed his eyes and shuddered severely at just the sound at the name. And McGonagall just looked plain surprised and a little shocked hearing the Dark Lord's name.
"It was written by Sirius Black and James Potter." Dumbledore continued."Severus you will not be pleased to hear this and this may shock you Minerva. This document is a letter to Mr. Potter from his father. It reads"'Dear Harry,
It's your father and I have to tell you something. In case anything happens to your mother and I you be in the custody of Sirius Black, your godfather. But if something happens to him you will be in the custody of... Severus Snape. You will know who he is when you go to Hogwarts. If you get this letter after you go to Hogwarts I am pretty sure you two will be enemies and not want to do what this letter says. But remember Harry you only have to go to Severus if some thing happens to Sirius. Which is doubtful.
I know one thing, he will not be happy to know this if it comes to that. But he will have to live with that. Just another thing of life, Severus if you are reading.

If he refuses which he can't because this is a legal document. In other words it is signed by whoever is in charge of this sort of stuff. I needed to have you know this because...well just because.
There is a short letter to Sirius and Severus. Make sure they get them. Their
letters are pretty much the same as this one. There is also another parchment that needs be signed by Albus Dumbledore, a witness, and either Sirus's or Severus's signature.
Just wanted you to know that.
Sincerely, your loving father,
James Potter.'"
Snape looked like he was going to one of the unforgiveable curses cast on him. Otherwise,Shocked, Furious, Angry, Flustered, Pale, all mixed together. (Not a pretty sight.) His jaw had droped open and he was just sitting there frozen from shock.

"Severus? Are you okay?? I hope so, if not I will have Mada Pomfrey bring you a Calming Potion." said Dumbledore quietly.
Silence fell in the room.
Nobody spoke for awhile.
Finally Snape broke the silence.
"Why-Do-I-Have-To-Have-
Custody-Of-Potter!!!" He asked through clenched teeth.
"I will NOT take him in Headmaster!!!!!"Snape shouted.
"Severus settle down. You will have to for I have already signed it. And Minerva is the witness. And if I am not mistaken, Severus, you look rather worreied about Potter and his friends at dinner." said Dumbledore calmly.
"You are not mistaken Headmaster, I was worried about Potter and his friends.
But I am rather furious that I was not told of this document thingy earlier! said Snape not so furious.
"That is because nothing had happened to Sirius then and we did not need to worry about it. But now we do. Severus, you are going to have to. Because I do want him to be going to the Dursley's again. They will probably treat him worse than they have ever treated him before. So I have delepcided to take action. Severus, please take him in!!
And yes I know you loved Lily before she married James Potter. So Harry should be yours if James hadn't gotten there first. Am I not right, Severus?? Said Dumbledore.
"Yes, Headmaster you are right. Harry would have been mine if stupid, arrogant, popular James Potter hadn't
gotten there first." admitted Snape rather embarssed.
"Not that I am proud to say that Harry would have been mine." muttered Snape under his breath.
"Therefore I do beleive that you need to sign here, Severus. And you need to sign here as the witness of the signing of this document, Minerva." said Dumbledore to Snape and McGonagall.
"I can't believe that I am doing this. But Lily would have wanted me to, so I am going to sign this bloody document." muttered Snape.
Snape signed the parchment along with McGonagall.
"Severus, I want you to begin your search for your 'son' Harry and his friends tommorrow in the Dark Forest. Be careful and don't say anything to Harry about this parchment. Leave that to me.
Also, we must keep this parchment a secret, especially from Vodemort. Do you both understand that. For you two are the only ones that know about this. Besides me, James, and Sirius. James and Sirius are dead so they have no problem in letting anybody else know about it.
Now, do you two understand that you are not to let this secret slip?" asked Dumbledore to Snape and McGonagall.
Snape still shuddering slightly from hearing the Dark Lord's name nodded.
McGonagall just closed her eyes and nodded sleepily.
"Good!" shouted Dumbledore suddenly, startling Snape and making McGonagall jump about a foot in the air. "Now you two can head back to your chambers and have a good night's rest."said Dumbledore. And Snape and McGonagall made their way from Dumbledore's office to their own chambers.


Snape stared at the ceiling and thought that night about what he had to do and what he had now become. A father. He
now had a son. But not the ideal son. For he did not like Harry much. But he did for Lily. And after thinking that he fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning Snape woke with a start. He sat straight up and discovered he was sweating. He had just dreamed he had found Harry, Ron, and Hermone in the Dark Forest. Tied to a very big tree and about to be to be attacked by several things. One: a very large spider, Two:a not a very pleasent looking plant. And last but not least. Voldemort himself. This thought alone hit Snape like a ton of bricks and made him sick to his stomanch. For he did not want to lose Harry because now he was his son. And he felt like a father. A worrisome father at that.
Snape decided to get up and get dressed and go to the Great Hall and get some breakfast. Then head out into the Dark Forest. He was pretty sure Harry was in there. Or he wouldn't be so worried and nervous.
After getting to the Great Hall he went and sat at his usual spot at the staff table.
And after a terribly long speech from Dumbledore (Snape fell asleep twice during it) breakfast began.
Snape ate a pretty hearty meal and waited until everyone was gone and then headed into the Dark Forest.
It was dark, damp, and just plain spooky.
Suddenly Snape spotted something that looked vaguely familier. A tree bent in a weird sort of design. Where had he seen it before...ah yes, the dream he had that previous night. He had passed it and took a sharp turn towards the Northeast. After a great deal of walking he found another vaguely familier object. A pile of rocks that sort of resembled an arrow pointing Northwest. He had also followed after that sign and turned Northwest. It seemed that the Forest was helping him clues to help him find Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione.
After some more walking and some more vaguely familier signs, clues, whatever you want to call them. He finally came upon the last sign, clue thing. He knew it was the last one because it was the last one in the dream. It was a path leading to where Harry, Ron, and Herimone were tied against a tree. He was hoping the dream was true. Then that question was answered, because suddenly he heard screaming.
And one soundly a lot like Hermione's scream.
He ran to a clearing and there in the middle of the clearing
there was Harry, Ron, and Hermione tied to a tree.

"YOU!?" shouted Harry looking very shocked and astonished.
"Yes, me" said Snape cooly."Do you have a problem with that?"
"Um...No"said Harry rather sheepishly.
"Professor!"shrieked Hermione."Thank heavens you came. There is a very large spider and a very weird looking plant. And something else I do beleive. I wish I knew what."
"I do know. And it isn't good." said Snape cautiously.
"What is it?" asked Hermione.
"More like who is it, Miss Granger. But I know who, the Dark Lord."
Just then Harry yelped in pain a slapped his hand over his scar.
"This is not what I had in mind." said Snape."Why couldn't it have be- "
Snape never finished the sentence when he grasped his left forearm a fell to his knees in pain. The Dark Mark was burning.
"Professor! Are you all right??" Harry asked Snape urgtently.
"Does it look like I am? No I am not all right. You know part of my past. I used to be a Death Eater. I will explain more later. First I must free you from these ropes." said Snape through clenched teeth from the pain of the Dark Mark's burning.
Snape pulled out a knife and began cutting away on the ropes. After a few minutes they fell to the ground. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were free.
"Go, Now, Run!" said Snape still clutching his burning arm. But before Harry, Ron, and Hermione could get more than fifty feet away, Voldemort appeared. And Snape who had risen to run fell again but on his side in searing pain. He yelled from the pain, and Harry noticed tears streaming down his face.
Something Harry thought he would never see on Snape.
Snape struggled to stand and eventually did under agonizing pain.

"Thought you could trick me didn't you,Severus?" said the cold voice that belonged to Voldemort."Well you were wrong! And now you will have to pay. You shall pay by nevering seeing Harry and his friends again."
"Do you think we care!?" said Ron.
"We do care you numbheaded imbulcile!"said Hermione ferociously.
"Harry, do you care?" asked Ron
"Yes, Ron."said Harry quietly.
"You will not kill him and you will not kill us!" shouted Harry to Voldemort."He hates you and so do we! Step back Voldemort. NOW!!" Shouted Harry at the top of his lungs.
"I think not, Harry. In fact I think you will be the first one to go."said Voldemort icily. Voldemort raised his wand and began saying Advra-
and never finished.
"Voldemort!" shouted Snape."You will not kill Harry nor Ron nor Hermione. Not while I stand between you and them. Not while I am around.
And by the way you forgot one thing about me, Voldemort! You may think you know every curse in the books. But you don't!"said Snape and after he said that he pulled out his wand and shouted Advra Kadevra. It hit Voldemort with full force throwing him to the ground. Unconcious. Snape went up to him to see if he was alive or not.
"He is just knocked out and barely alive just like the first time he tried to kill you, Harry. Now let's get out of here, shall we!" said Snape urgently.
Harry couldn't beleive what Snape has said and done. He was different.
"Professor Snape, are you going to be all right??" asked Harry urgently.
Snape looked at him with his black eyes except they weren't as mean and icy.
"I think I will be all right. Thank You for being concerned. 40 points to Gryffindor."Said Snape half smiling.
"Thank You professor for one saving our lives, two, for coming and finding us and three, giving Gryffindor points instead of taking them away."said Hermione sweetly.
"You are very welcome, Hermione!"said Snape half smiling again.
They reached Hogwarts about an hour later. They all had to be sent to the Hospital Wing.
And were ordered to stay there for at least three nights.
Snape did not like that at all. But cooperated nicely.
Unlike Ron, who argued, and Harry, Hermione AND Snape just laughed.
Harry found our about Snape now being his "father", more like guardian. He didn't argue or anything just said okay. And said the reason was because of what happened in the Dark Forest. (And for that he got an Order of Merlin, First Class). Snape was nicer to Harry, Ron, and Hermione and some other students. And became much stricter with the Slytherins.
But only in secrecy for the secret cannot be let out!
During summer break Harry didn't go back to the Dursley's and stayed with his new guardian or godfather or whatever you want to call him.
Snape is now a better person.
But still hot and still sexy!!



END OF STORY by
Severo Snape July 13,2003
Hope that didn't bore anyone!
Okay let's have a new story here!









499   Hellooooooo!!!!
Any body here?????
Anybody going to write anything???






Okay fine if nobody is going to write anything...I'll write something and then somebody can take if from there. (If I let them!)

New Story:

Snape woke up very agitated on October 23 to a very cold day. Not to mention stormy.
He was dreading the day because he had to teach Potions to Potter. The annoyance of his life.
"Why do I have to teach that so very annoying boy?!?!" yelled Snape at the top of his lungs.
Snape stared at the ceiling for awhile and dreading what he had to do that day.
"No use in sitting in here all day! I wonder what time it is?" *Looks at a clock*
"Great Scott!! Its already noon!!! How in the heck did it become that late???
Wait maybe my clock is wrong and it is only midnight?
I sure do hope so."
Snape gets up and looks out the window. The sun is bearly coming up.
"Alright who messed up my clock?? Wait it must have stopped during the
night.*Checks to see if it is ticking* I was right! I'll fix it later." Snape then gets dressed in his usual black robes with his great black cloak and heads to the Great Hall to have breakfast and discovers something very odd and unusual. Three people were missing from the Gryffindor table and those people were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger.
Snape's heart skipped a beat.
He thought, "If Granger, Weasley and Potter are not coming to class today that means I don't have to teach those little dunderheads, idoits, those annoying little brats!!!!
But Snape did not get to
celebrate for long as soon as he got to his seat at the staff table he overheard Prof.
McGonagall talking to Prof. Dumbledore."...Albus is it true??" McGonagall was saying.
"Yes Minerva." said Dumbledore.
"Harry,Ron,and Hermione have disappeared mysteriously."
"Albus! We need to send out a search party!!" cried McGonagall quietly.
"Minerva, it is the beginning of the year and none of the teachers can go on a search party. And the Minstry of Magic won't care. But there is one person who can go looking for them, even though he despises all three of them."said Dumbldore
"Who??"
"Can't you think of no one?? Who is still in James Potter's dept?" said Dumbledore hintingly.
"Oh." said McGonagall dryly. "I know who you are talking about. You are talking about Severus aren't you??"
"Yes, Minerva. Severus is the only person who can save Harry, Ron, and Hermione. But he is going to refuse. We know he despises them, but he is going to have to face the fact that he has to. And so this year he is going to spend the year looking for them." said Dumbldore.
"Does that mean Potions class is not to take place for the rest of the year??? Severus is not going to be pleased."said McGonagall cautiously.
"Yes Potions class is not going to take place this year.
And I know quite well Severus is not going to be pleased."said Dumbledore.
"Albus, when are we going to tell Severus?" asked McGonagall worriedly. "For I do not want to be the one to tell him. I have seen him extremely angry once and I do not want to experience that again."
"I am not sure when we tell Severus. Probably tonight after dinner. I will be the one to tell him. But you will accompany me. Will you not?" asked Dumbldore.
"I will accompany you Albus." said McGonagall nervously.
"I think it is time to wish the students Good Morning and make announcements, Albus"
"Right you are Minerva." said Dumbledore cheerfully.
The conversation then ended.
Snape could not beleive what he had just heard. He was feeling really quesy. And not wanting to eat Breakfast.
He wished he was dead.
"Me!! The only one to save Potter and his friends. Impossible!!" thought Snape.
"This is not happening! This is NOT happening! Geez!
Why me?? WHY ME!!!!!! I can I please go off and die somewhere!! Minerva has only seen me really angry. She has not seen me EXTREMELY ANGRY AND EXREMELY FURIOUS. Calm down Severus, Calm down. Must eat breakfast quick, go back to office and take 5 or more Calming Potions." thought Snape furiously.


After eating a very small and very quick breakfast. Snape went down to his office and took 2 calming potions.
Which calmed him down for awhile. Snape did not teach that day dreading the evening after dinner. Minerva and Albus did not know that he had over heard them talking.
Snape didn't think about it long. And decided to take a nap.

He woke just in time for dinner. He did not want to go. But if didn't Minerva and Albus might suspect something.
And he doesn't want that to happen. So he decides to head down to dinner.
After sitting at the staff table for 15 minutes listening to Dumbledore talking to the school. Snape was getting irritated, for all he wanted to do was to eat dinner and get addressed about Potter and friends dissapearing and all that crap. So he could have a decent night's rest. And not worry about things.

After about 10 minutes later Dumbledore concluded his speech and dinner finally began. Snape ate very little and didn't say anything.
Dumbledore kept looking at him warily and worriedly. For Snape had a very worried look on his face.
At about 15 minutes past 8 pm Snape became a little worried,
for what reason he did not know. Then it hit him like somebody had just poured ice-cold water over him.
He just realized that he was worried about Potter and his friends. That was not like him. He thought about this for
awhile. Then Dumbledore got up and announced dinner was over and wished all the students good night.
When almost everybody left and Snape about to go out of the Great Hall and head to his office, Dumbledore and McGonagall came over and asked Snape to come to his office.
Snape then went to Dumbledore's office along with McGonagall looking very nervous and jumpy.

"Headmaster, I dare ask why I am here? I only come in here when there is somthing urgent." asked Snape a litte annoyed.
"You are here on two things, the first I do beleive you already know. For if I am not mistaken you overheard Minerva and I talking this morning."
"Headmaster how did you know???" Snape asked furiously. Snape was white and very surprised.
"I knew after my speech as I looked at you. For you were very unusually white and you did look really shocked. That is how I knew you knew the first reason you are here.
The second you nor Minerva know about.
McGonagall suddenly asked"There is another reason Severus and I are here? So you didn't want me to come to witness how furious Severus would be with this news. You had me accompany you for another reason!!" McGonagall looked very agitated and flustered. Snape gave her a look that clearly said"what's with you, a transfiguration gone wrong?".
Dumbledore only smiled and said cooly,"Yes, Minerva. You and Severus are here because I have discovered a document that was written 3 weeks before the Potters were murdered by Voldemort."
Snape closed his eyes and shuddered severely at just the sound at the name. And McGonagall just looked plain surprised and a little shocked hearing the Dark Lord's name.
"It was written by Sirius Black and James Potter." Dumbledore continued."Severus you will not be pleased to hear this and this may shock you Minerva. This document is a letter to Mr. Potter from his father. It reads"'Dear Harry,
It's your father and I have to tell you something. In case anything happens to your mother and I you be in the custody of Sirius Black, your godfather. But if something happens to him you will be in the custody of... Severus Snape. You will know who he is when you go to Hogwarts. If you get this letter after you go to Hogwarts I am pretty sure you two will be enemies and not want to do what this letter says. But remember Harry you only have to go to Severus if some thing happens to Sirius. Which is doubtful.
I know one thing, he will not be happy to know this if it comes to that. But he will have to live with that. Just another thing of life, Severus if you are reading.

If he refuses which he can't because this is a legal document. In other words it is signed by whoever is in charge of this sort of stuff. I needed to have you know this because...well just because.
There is a short letter to Sirius and Severus. Make sure they get them. Their
letters are pretty much the same as this one. There is also another parchment that needs be signed by Albus Dumbledore, a witness, and either Sirus's or Severus's signature.
Just wanted you to know that.
Sincerely, your loving father,
James Potter.'"
Snape looked like he was going to have one of the unforgiveable curses cast on him. Otherwise,Shocked, Furious, Angry, Flustered, Pale, all mixed together. (Not a pretty sight.) His jaw had droped open and he was just sitting there frozen from shock.

"Severus? Are you okay?? I hope so, if not I will have Madam Pomfrey bring you a Calming Potion." said Dumbledore quietly.
Silence fell in the room.
Nobody spoke for awhile.
Finally Snape broke the silence.
"Why-Do-I-Have-To-Have-
Custody-Of-Potter!!!" He asked through clenched teeth.
"I will NOT take him in Headmaster!!!!!"Snape shouted.
"Severus settle down. You will have to for I have already signed it. And Minerva is the witness. And if I am not mistaken, Severus, you looked rather worried about Potter and his friends at dinner." said Dumbledore calmly.
"You are not mistaken Headmaster, I was worried about Potter and his friends."said Snape embarssed.
"But I am rather furious that I was not told of this document thingy earlier!" said Snape not so furious.
"That is because nothing had happened to Sirius then and we did not need to worry about it. But now we do. Severus, you are going to have to. Because I do not want him to be going to the Dursley's again. They will probably treat him worse than they have ever treated him before. So I have decided to take action. Severus, please take him in!!
And yes I know you loved Lily before she married James Potter. So Harry should be yours if James hadn't gotten there first. Am I not right, Severus?? Said Dumbledore.
"Yes, Headmaster you are right. Harry would have been mine if stupid, arrogant, popular James Potter hadn't
gotten there first." admitted Snape rather embarssed again.
"Not that I am proud to say that Harry would have been mine." muttered Snape under his breath.
"Therefore I do beleive that you need to sign here, Severus. And you need to sign here as the witness of the signing of this document, Minerva." said Dumbledore to Snape and McGonagall.
"I can't believe that I am doing this. But Lily would have wanted me to, so I am going to sign this bloody document." muttered Snape.
Snape signed the parchment along with McGonagall.
"Severus, I want you to begin your search for your 'son' Harry and his friends tommorrow in the Dark Forest. Be careful and don't say anything to Harry about this parchment. Leave that to me.
Also, we must keep this parchment a secret, especially from Voldemort. Do you both understand that. For you two are the only ones that know about this. Besides me, James, and Sirius. James and Sirius are dead so they have no problem in not letting anybody else know about it.
Now, do you two understand that you are not to let this secret slip?" asked Dumbledore to Snape and McGonagall.
Snape still shuddering slightly from hearing the Dark Lord's name nodded.
McGonagall just closed her eyes and nodded sleepily.
"Good!" shouted Dumbledore suddenly, startling Snape and making McGonagall jump about a foot in the air. "Now you two can head back to your chambers and have a good night's rest."said Dumbledore. And Snape and McGonagall made their way from Dumbledore's office to their own chambers.


Snape stared at the ceiling and thought that night about what he had to do and what he had now become. A father. He
now had a son. But not the ideal son. For he did not like Harry much. But he did for Lily. And after thinking that he fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning Snape woke with a start. He sat straight up and discovered he was sweating. He had just dreamed he had found Harry, Ron, and Hermone in the Dark Forest. Tied to a very big tree and about to be to be attacked by several things. One: a very large spider, Two:a not a very pleasent looking plant. And last but not least. Voldemort himself. This thought alone hit Snape like a ton of bricks and made him sick to his stomanch. For he did not want to lose Harry because now he was his son. And he felt like a father. A worrisome father at that.
Snape decided to get up and get dressed and go to the Great Hall and get some breakfast. Then head out into the Dark Forest. He was pretty sure Harry was in there. Or he wouldn't be so worried and nervous.
After getting to the Great Hall he went and sat at his usual spot at the staff table.
And after a terribly long speech from Dumbledore (Snape fell asleep twice during it) breakfast began.
Snape ate a pretty hearty meal and waited until everyone was gone and then headed into the Dark Forest.
It was dark, damp, and just plain spooky.
Suddenly Snape spotted something that looked vaguely familier. A tree bent in a weird sort of design. Where had he seen it before...ah yes, the dream he had that previous night. He had passed it and took a sharp turn towards the Northeast. After a great deal of walking he found another vaguely familier object. A pile of rocks that sort of resembled an arrow pointing Northwest. He had also followed after that sign and turned Northwest. It seemed that the Forest was helping him clues to help him find Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione.
After some more walking and some more vaguely familier signs, clues, whatever you want to call them. He finally came upon the last sign, clue thing. He knew it was the last one because it was the last one in the dream. It was a path leading to where Harry, Ron, and Herimone were tied against a tree. He was hoping the dream was true. Then that question was answered, because suddenly he heard screaming.
And one soundly a lot like Hermione's scream.
He ran to a clearing and there in the middle of the clearing
there was Harry, Ron, and Hermione tied to a tree.

"YOU!?" shouted Harry looking very shocked and astonished.
"Yes, me" said Snape cooly."Do you have a problem with that?"
"Um...No"said Harry rather sheepishly.
"Professor!"shrieked Hermione."Thank heavens you came. There is a very large spider and a very weird looking plant. And something else I do beleive. I wish I knew what."
"I do know. And it isn't good." said Snape cautiously.
"What is it?" asked Hermione.
"More like who is it, Miss Granger. But I know who, the Dark Lord."
Just then Harry yelped in pain a slapped his hand over his scar.
"This is not what I had in mind." said Snape annoyed."Why couldn't it have be- "
Snape never finished the sentence when he grasped his left forearm a fell to his knees in pain. The Dark Mark was burning severely. "Professor! Are you all right??" Harry asked Snape urgtently.
"Does it look like I am? No I am not all right."said Snape really annoyed."You know part of my past. I used to be a Death Eater. I will explain more later. First I must free you from these ropes." said Snape through clenched teeth from the pain of the Dark Mark's burning.
Snape pulled out a knife and began cutting away on the ropes. After a few minutes they fell to the ground. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were free.
"Go, Now, Run!" said Snape still clutching his burning arm. But before Harry, Ron, and Hermione could get more than fifty feet away, Voldemort appeared. And Snape who had risen to run fell again but on his side in searing pain. He yelled from the pain, and Harry noticed tears streaming down his face form the pain of the burning Dark Mark.
Something Harry thought he would never see on Snape.
Snape struggled to stand and eventually did so under agonizing pain.

"Thought you could trick me didn't you,Severus?" said the cold voice that belonged to Voldemort."Well you were wrong! And now you will have to pay. You shall pay by nevering seeing Harry and his friends again."
"Do you think we care!?" said Ron.
"We do care you numbheaded imbulcile!"said Hermione ferociously.
"Harry, do you care?" asked Ron
"Yes, Ron."said Harry quietly.
"You will not kill him and you will not kill us!" shouted Harry to Voldemort."He hates you and so do we! Step back Voldemort. NOW!!" Shouted Harry at the top of his lungs.
"I think not, Harry. In fact I think you will be the first one to go."said Voldemort icily. Voldemort raised his wand and began saying Advra-
and never finished.
"Voldemort!" shouted Snape."You will not kill Harry nor Ron nor Hermione. Not while I stand between you and them. Not while I am around.
And by the way you forgot one thing about me, Voldemort! You may think you know every curse in the books. But you don't!"said Snape and after he said that he pulled out his wand and shouted 'Advra Kadevra'. It hit Voldemort with full force throwing him to the ground. Unconcious. Snape went up to him to see if he was alive or not.
"He is just knocked out and barely alive just like the first time he tried to kill you, Harry. Now let's get out of here, shall we!?" said Snape urgently.
Harry couldn't beleive what Snape has said and done. He was different.
"Professor Snape, are you going to be all right??" asked Harry urgently.
Snape looked at him with his black eyes except they weren't as mean and icy.
"I think I will be all right. Thank You for being concerned. 40 points to Gryffindor."Said Snape half smiling.
"Thank You professor for one saving our lives, two, for coming and finding us and three, giving Gryffindor points instead of taking them away."said Hermione sweetly.
"You are very welcome, Hermione!"said Snape half smiling again.
They reached Hogwarts about an hour later. They all had to be sent to the Hospital Wing.
And were ordered to stay there for at least three nights.
Snape did not like that at all. But cooperated nicely.
Unlike Ron, who argued, and Harry, Hermione AND Snape just laughed.
Harry found our about Snape now being his "father", more like guardian. He didn't argue or anything just said okay. And said the reason was because of what happened in the Dark Forest. (And for that he got an Order of Merlin, First Class). Snape was form then on nicer to Harry, Ron, and Hermione and some other students. And became much stricter with the Slytherins.
But only in secrecy for the secret cannot be let out!
During summer break Harry didn't go back to the Dursley's and stayed with his new guardian or godfather or whatever you want to call him.
Snape is now a better person.
But still hot and still sexy!!



END OF STORY by
Severo Snape July 13,2003
Hope that didn't bore anyone!
Okay let's have a new story here!









500   Sorry, the story got posted twice because I had some errors in the first one! Just wanted you peeps to know that in case you were wondering. And is there ANYONE here?????
Thanks,
Severo Snape 501  
jesus christ that was ccrappppppp.
moonstone here. Anyway back to the story before this one. or I guess I could start a new one...

"The dreams have been coming back. I sailed up the amazon today but I knew I would have to go see him. Snape its been so long." Moonstone thought as she and lilly sat and ate the human flesh of a firce black man who had slane a village. When they had sucked the carcus dry the threw the body in the river.
"We will miss you at this coven" said lilly her bloodred eyes flashing in the moon light.
moonstone departed into the night, She rose up in the air and flew towards england. Hogwarts came into veiw and she flew to snapes window. She sat there and watched snape sleep. Oh how she missed him. His touch his smell. the taste of his skin under her lips.
She bent forward and tapped on the window. Snape sat bolt right up in bed. When he saw her he calmed and walked over to the window.
"I cant let you in" he wispered."I dont need you to let me in your heart will let me inside these walls"[as vampires have to be invited in to go inside] Moonstone grab the hand bars amd forced the windows open. She floated into the room to were snape stood. She gently put her hands on his shoulders. Snape tried to push her away but she was to strong.
"The dreams are coming to me again" she wispered in his ear teasing him."same here" said snape.
"I cant stand to be away from you" wispered moonstone.
She stared into his dark eyes and bent closlley to him and kissed him fircely as only a vampire could."I love you" she wispered tears streaming down her face. She kissed him again and again but he wold not kiss her back. When she finallydrew back tears were in snapes eyes as well. Finally he gave in and pulled her to him and kissed her short but sweet. Then they stood holding each other in the moon light.
"But I cant love you" wispered Snape. "I know you cant' wispered moonstone motioning to the bed were a small figure lay."The punishment of marrige," she wispered.
502   Then they heard it the noise. The sound they had been dreading."Voldimort is coming wisperd moonstone. "And without my help he will consume you snape. He loves you as I do and he will not rest until I and your wife is dead.So he can have you." said moonstone as a hissing noise entered the bedroom."I take my leave now," she wispered.
"Take Bethane with you please" wispered snape.
"I will not take your wife. I will not risk my life for her."
"Oh i love jealousy" said voldimort walking into the room."I will also love seeing you die moon..." but she was gone leaving snape alone to face the man who in some twisted way loved him, Voldimort. 503   Moonstone,
Severo here, I think you need to submit some of your stories to fanfiction sites. For they are really good. And by the way that story I wrote is my very first one okay?! I am very sorry it was crap! But that is your opinion!
I just wanted to comment on your story writing!
Sincerely,
Severo Snape


504   thanks Sevro sorry totally pmsing, i like to take it out on my computer, people in this site are odd. Well i guess thats why I'm on this site. And that story was pretty good for your first one.But people keep your eyes open I have a book that might be published if I can get scholatic to let me published it. It's probaly going to be called Pandora and the silent wars...
Back to the storie... 505  
Hours and hours moonstone flew south to spain. When the first beams of sunlight penatrated the black sky she soured down to the earth. On a sucluded warm beach she dug a deep hole and fell into a deep sleep. When the sun was just setting the dream came again. A silver stag running threw an open field.
when all of a sudden something came a slaughtered the poor beast. Snape and her ran towards it. Moonstone was very pregnant and looked very beat up. "We can't save it," wispered Snape bending over to examine the poor dying stag. Then a black arrow was shot aimed at moonstones heart. "Moonstone duck," yelled snape fling himself infront of her. Thhe next thing you shall in the dream was Snape laying on the ground dying the arrow implanted deep n his stomach. Moonstone was sobbing over snape's body."No you can't die," she screamed inbetween sobs.
Snape reach up and lightly stroked her cheek and then was gone...
Moonstone woke with a jolt in the warm sands. She arose in the sky startling a lone jogger in the new darkness of the night... 506   ---New Story---
"James Potter, My Worst Nightmare: The Serveus Snape Diaries"
------------------------------
Journal Entry #152 5/17/03
I can exactly remeber it. Five years ago to be exact! The late James Potter's son was in my potions class. All of my destinct fears of James came back. The boy is so like his father. Padfoot's godson also has that wits of his father! Thank the sorting hat for not putting him in Slytherin! I would rather be bitten by a werewolf! Look Ever Since James hung me in a tree with that silly curse of his...ooooo i would tear him to shreads....his son is so deeply his "evil" twin i should say...well his wife was too decent. Lily was nice enough to stand up for me but i could care less. I have to get ready for potions next period so i will write tomorrow.
With insane famity,
-Serveus Snape


Journal Entry #2 7/18/03
------------------------------
Dear Journal,

O My! I forgot you in my dungeons!!! thank salazar slytherin's soul for transfering spells...wooo. Well besides me living in a dreadful house...well as i call my cave, i thnk about moony, wormtail, padfoot and that filthy dirty prongs!!! Although Prongs is dead I feel that he is haunting me. Last night i found my bat Teskiana petrified, luckly this summer madam pomfrey gave us mandrake potions. i had a bat in hogwarts, yes its true! James was the only one who knew but he would try to reveal it but thankfully i knew some dark arts of my own sake but like they worked?? No!!! James Potter is haunting me I tell you he is the only one who knew I had That Bat!!! O what am I going to do??? His son is even more unpleasant....wooo. I feel his presence all the time....His son Harry looked in the Pensieve and saw my horrible past...that is why i ended my occlumecy lessons with him. Hopefully I will one day get a chance to suspend that Potter! I will give him the pain his father "prongsy" desreved!!

With insane famity,
-Serveus Snape

Unfortuanetly little did Snape know he transported the wrong book. I shall remain Nameless...has his secret journal...haha. I was a former Hogwarts student and plot revenge on Snape! I will proudce his journal entries one by one to reveal the "horror" within! hahaha! Almost every single of his journal entires is from his worst nightmare and nemisis, James Potter! 507  
Moonstone flew over the hirzon back to England. To Hogwarts. When she got there the moon was shining so bright it could have been day.
Moonstone spotted what she was looking for almost Imdiatley. Snape was standing next to the foorrbidden forret next to a headstone. It read In Death I Will Still Love You.
Moonstone landed right next to Snape making him jump."You could have saved her," he wispered.
"No i couldn't have," she said bluntly looking in his eyes. "If I had taken her Voldimort would have come after both of us and we both would be dead."
"Voldimort rape me last night," said Snape looking up at the night sky.
"I know," said Moonstone turning to leave.
"Don't leave," he said. 508   "I won't. I can't," she wispered walking up to him.
He drew her to him placing his hands gently on her shoulders.
"I didn't tell you last night," said Snape,"but I will always love you." He bent down and kissed her on her forhead. Then slowly with his lower lip trimblinng he kissed her on her lips. He drew back and looked deeply in her eyes then kissed her with all his might. Harder and harder they kissed
Snape gently lay her down on the soft earth. She reached up and slowly un fastened tthe top of his robes. 509  
Snape and moonstone slept silenty wrap in each other arms on the ground outside of the dark forrest. 510   Moonstone awoke when she heard a faint hissing noise came and something banged her hard in the chest.
Moonstone was uncontious for months befor she awoke. When she finally came to the first thing she noticed was her stomach it was huge, she was pregnat.
"Hey Lusifer," said a man in long black robes. "She's awake."
Lusifer she thoughtt terrified. He was one of the evilist death eaters alive. Were was she, why was Lusifer here?
"A man who looked like hell walk in. He was tall with a face lined with scars and age. He came ove to Moonstone who shuck with fear. "Calm my dear you won't want me to hurt the baby, now would you."
"What's happenung? Where am I? Where's Sevrus?" she blurted out.
"He's alive if ou wanted to know," he said smiling to show sharp blakened teeth.
"You are in my castlle dearest. You are mine as a present from voldimort," he said yanking her head back and forcing her to kiss him. A taste of burning rubber enter her mouth as he forced his tongue into her mouth.
Moonstone confused and lost began to cry as he drew away. She tried to stand buther hands were tied firmly behind the pillar behind her. "We will marry in a week," he said looking deep in her eyes.
"Never," she wispered. He drew up above her and slapt her hard across the face. He drew into his robes and pulled out a small circular mirror and held it up to her face. She gave a small gasp as she saw the horrid figure starring back at her. Her cheeks sunk deep into her face, her teeth were rotting away, her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head.
"Severus would never want you now," he spat in her face.
"Your wrong," said a deep voice behind him as a red strea hit Lusifer hard in the chest and he fell ontop of Moonstone, dead.
"My love," came the voice running to her."Severus," she wispered as he drew her into his arms and the world seemed to disapper and reapper as a moonlit field surronded by trees. She reconized it, it was the feild from the dream. Snape came up behind her and drew her into his arms again. "I've missed you," he wispered.
"Were have I been?" she wispered .
"Voldimort captured me and gave you to Lusifer. I would have tried to find you but Voldimort kept me close. I just escaped two months ago and I just know found you," he wispered."How long have we been apart?" moonstone wispered."Nine months," he wispered as a rattling sound came from a tree a little way away."stay here," wispered snape,"I'll go check it out."
Moonstone stood and waited for what seemed like hours when she saw a silver stag run across the feild. Each step it took her heart beat faster when a black arrow shout out and struck it to the ground.
Both Snape and her ran to it.
"I can't save it said Snape kissing Moonstone gently on the cheek. Then out of the corner of her eyes she saw a black arrow shout towards her heart. Snape saw it to a quikly pushed Moonstone back the arrow hitting him hard in the stomach."No," yelled moonstone running over a doing every spell she knew to try and save him. "It''s no use," wispered Snape."I tryed to get you out butthey found us the found us. I..I..I love.." he said falling to the ground dead. Tears streamed down MS face as she bent down and kissed his dead lips."No," muttered as 10 death eater swramed around her and dragged her away from the body. She didn't struggle she knew what was coming. She would soon be with Snape and her unborn child as all the death eaters raised there wands. And she welcomed death. 511  
jues christ someone write something else. start a new story please im out of ideas at the moment....
moonstone 512  

"Ohmygosh!" Snape screamed in his mind. He had just been made the new DADA teacher. He was too excited. 513   Ohmygosh! snape will never actually say Omygosh! the whole severus being harry's dad story was more realistic! and a lot better than this crap-ola!
514   can i write a new story?!? please please oh pretty please!? 515   if nobody types a "yes" or "no" by tomorrow i'm going to type one anywayz ok?

if anybody finds reason for me not to type a snape fan fic speak now or forever hold your peas! 516  

i'll take that as i have free dibs on the next story!!! 517  
Go ahead write away 518   kewlies bc most if the stuff i read was shit! 519  

"James Potter, My Worst Nightmare: The Serveus Snape Diaries" (Part 2 In Series)
By: Nameless
------------------------------
Hello! I'm glad to share with you a another journal entry of Snape as i continue my plot of revenge on him (To read the last 2 entried I copied for you scroll up!HaHa!! Yes I am going to remain nameless. So don't bother asking! This journal entry goes back when the late James Potter's son Harry, first entered Hogwarts. Read with Pleasure! :)
------------------------------
Journal Entry # 14 of 1998
(date) 9/2/98

Dear Journal,
O my! Salazar Slytherin bless my soul! James Potter's son Harry has come to Hogwarts! Just great! Now I will have to deal with him for the next seven years! Hopefully he wont find out the truth about me...aside from that I want the D.A.D. now! Quirell is so absent minded he can teacha blessed soul even if he wanted to...back to the Potter boy...he has a real attitude just like his father....evil..to think....they said I was the bad kid....try me....that boy will have the sadest life known to the world of wizardry because he will never hear about his parents nor his past...and hopefully not about me....ughhh... he is in my next class I will write in you later....ughhhh.....

With Insane Famity,
-Serveus Snape
------------------------------
Now you see what I am talking about this man is crazy! Scared of the Potter boy! hahaha! I bet hes scared of a mouse too! hahaha! Well until nextime, I remain your faithful correspondent to the Serveus Snape Diaries- Nameless (Don't Even bother asking my name!) 520  

it's in the process of being written i'll have it up in no time~ 521  
Oh this website has gone to the dogs its beeen awhile and nothing gooods been published....
llalallalllalalalaalaaa
Vamps rule i'm gona meet James Marsters!!!!!!
ALALlalALAlAlAl and be in the Dawn look alike costume hehehhehe

This story is crap crap crap crap and to ansewer Sevro I have many HP Fanfictions published I even got sevral awards on one and won $100 on one for a snape fic yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! 522   moonstone you suck you scare me and btw ppl for anybody who has a prob with my story not being up bite me! i have a life too you know! i promise it will be up within the next couple of weeks 523   a teltube rushes in to the rescua with a sack full of rosat potatos 524   actually i was reading some of your stuff you wrote on here and it is basically the same style as i would write i mean:

"She would soon be with Snape and her unborn child as all the death eaters raised there wands. And she welcomed death."

that was pretty good i write like that too... 525  
Peeps on this site have gone loony but I dont care. Life sucks if our a violinist and have to learn the Sercerors apprentice in two frickin days you now what im going through lalallalalaalalalala every 1 takes things so personal on this site lalallalallalalalalala
Im getting one of my children picture books published and im so happy
tata live long and prosperous
526  

gives moonstone the vulcan salute

\\//_ 527   im just gona just copy and paste sometin
528   Er I think the storys gone to cock and the only thing thats true is snape is sexy...thank you 529   Er I think the storys gone to cock and the only thing thats true is snape is sexy...thank you 530   Hey u guys! boy it's been like half a year lol! yes so how is the story going? am i still his girlfriend? yes i am hahaha!

NEW STORY!

Snape wandered around the school looking to get someone into mischief when he suddenly ran into Keito. Oh, such burdens forgotten and he was standing before the most beautiful woman in all of Britain.
"hello keito" he blushed
"hello dear serverus" she smiled also blushing.
:how have you been?"
"oh i'm just fine. so what are you doing tonight?"
"nothing really. Actually why don't you meet me at the Three Broomsticks tonight @ 7:30"
"sounds great" she said "we haven't gone out for a while"
"great see you then!" said snape quite happily.
"oh and by the by ... i hope you have nothing else planned for tonite." she winked @ him.
"oh i won't." he said gettiung the tingly feeling inside of him.
Snape left the conversation and went to his office think about her all the while. 531   oh by the way it was me Keito!!!!!!!!!!! or Chriese or whatever you've known me by! lol 532   right ... u guys r obvioulsy all dead didn't i tell Keito came to say hello??? it's me and Moonstone i know u missed me! hehehe uh yah i was the one who decided 2 ad real ppl like myself so back off sista he's mine! lmfao!

(Moonstone ... can u pleeaase say he was mine and u know he is! in this story anyway) 533  

Ok, new story!


Snape was walking around the corridors when he noticed a big fat... 534   NO WAY SILVER SNAPIE!!!

continue please from my story.
Keito. PS - i've been here since like the 175th chapter so u can't do that! ha! 535   stab stab stab,perry gauge the eyes ya ha hakoolio kitty rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 536   go nicholas!!! yahhhh kk 4ever!!!!!oh yah thats right this is a story .............a fat kitty!!!! 537   and it ate every one..........then koolio kitty came to save the day!!!! horray 538   and it ate every one..........then koolio kitty came to save the day!!!! horray 539   whack pow rub.......... bam eat yummm is this the end 4 koolio kitty????? 540   \(^O^)/ he's okay but he got fat cuz he ate the fat kitty 541   and i married jeanne

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 542   OR SO YOU THINK AND EVERYONE BE QUITE OR i WILL GIVE OUT DETENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 543   AND IF THE GRYFFINDORS DON'T SHUT UP I WILL GIVE DETENTION 544  

Ketio on this site go head you can have him. But on fanfiction sites beware. Hehehehe I'm reading Alan Rickmans biography and am on like pae 40 and im inlove aaah. moonstone out 545   Snape fell into a well and began to splutter about. 546   Umm... I'm not sure where this story stopped, so is it all right if I start a new story? Sorry if no. Here gose...


As Severus Snape sat in front of the fireplace in a black leather arm-chair in his chambers, just thinking about a class he'd tought that day.

***FLASHBACK***
"Longbottom! How many times must you hear this! You do NOT put the dragon scales in with the snakes skin! 50 points from Gryffindore!" Severus shouted at Longbottom.

Just then, McGonagall came bursting into the room and said to Severus in a loud voice so he could hear her, "Severus! Come quick! Headmaster Dumbledore needs to speak to you imeditly!"

Severus quickly turned to Mcgonagall and said, "What is it? Has something happend?"

Mcgonagall nodded and said, "It's about Kara, hurry!"

'Kara! Oh no, something must have happend!" Severus nodded and told the stunned class that they were dismissed and followed Mcgonagall to the headmaster's office.

Once they got there, Severus said the password and got on the staircase along with his collige. He opened the door with out knocking and rushed in saying, "What's wrong with Kara? Is she alright?"

Dumbledore looked up and said, "I'm afrade not, Severus. Voldemort found out were she was and attacked her." before Severus could interuped he went on, "She is safe though. She managed to excape in time but I don't think it's safe for her to remane in America. Severus, your daughter is coming here for the reast of her school years. Is that alright?"
547  
Snape sighed and asked, "The 'reast of her school years'? What is the 'reast'?" He looked around and went on, "Reast, is that like a rancid beast, or perhaps a rotten feast. And what is this 'remane' you speak of? Is it a second addition of mane-ing? Dumbledore, i do believe you are quite drunk." 548  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Severus, the one who wrote that has a problem with spelling, what I ment was 'the rest of her school years, which whens, the next two years. A 549   "And what I ment by 'remane' was stay, Ravengirl forgot she couldn't spell the word."




A/N) Please don't insult me for my spelling, I'm not that good.
550  
Kara, is safe. That is good. Thought as he slinked back into his chambers.
"But will that be enough?" said a voice behind him.
He turned to see Moonstone. She looked so different. Her hair was blonde and her pale skin was now dark with sunlight. But she was still beatiful. 551   All of a sudden, the room seemed to tilt. Severus threw his arms out for support, and winced as he slammed his wrist into the monitor in front of him. "Dammit - I really need to get to bed. This is the third time I've fallen asleep while reading all this so-called 'fanfic' Of course, the complete absence of a plot, and the utterly confusing references to other such fanfic that I haven't read yet, would put anyone into a trance."

Shaking his head occasionally to get the cobwebs out, and grateful that he was the only person in the room, he logged off, shut the computer down, and left the Muggle Studies classroom.

When he finally returned to his office, it was all he could do to crawl into bed. As he fell asleep, he vowed to limit his fanfic reading to only an hour or two a day. He also thought drowsily that he might devote some time to making a Mary-Sue voodoo doll, and lovingly sticking pins in it. Yes....that would definitely feel good...

With comforting thoughts of cursing all originators of wildly out-of-character fanfic that featured him, he fell into a mostly-dreamless sleep. Except, of course, for the now-nightly parade of svelte, lissom, anime-eyed, barely-dressed fangirls who sashayed through his dreams.

Only to suddenly turn on him and become svelte, lissom, anime-eyed, barely dressed harpies who chased him around a vague dreamscape, clawing at his hair, and screeching something that sounded like "Mmmm...sexy...greasy..." He shuddered and woke with a start, then settled back down to try and recapture sleep. Hoping his brush with the Mary-Sues of Doom was over for the night.

"Well," he thought groggily, slipping back down into unconsciousness, "at least the slashfic dreams have stopped..." Dreaming of himself "canoodling" with Harry, Draco, (ugh) that idiot Black, or even Lupin (not to mention Hagrid, Dumbledore, Filch, Fang, and that d***ed sorting hat!) had nearly driven him to testing some of his favorite poisons on himself. 552   HI! I stop by for saying helloooo! indeed we;; yah just sayin hi!

Keito 553  

New Story
"The Brother Of Snape":
Another Look of Severus's Weird Ways

Did you ever know Snape had an older brother? Tall, muscular and handsome? Of course not! How could you? Snape is always too quiet nor to decent to talk about anyone. His name was Fiyero Lousafer Snape. He was a Hogwarts legend. Fiyero or "Fire" as friends called him was it the thing. But when Severus his little brother started Hogwarts it was all over. People would tease him till he cried. Forget about James Potter! His brother Fiyero was even worse. Fiyero was in Ravenclaw. One day Severus had done his DADA homework well done perfectly but Fiyero got to it before he could hand it in! He transformed his baby brother's homework into mush and ashes. To top that off do you wonder why Severus has oily looking hair? You guessed it FIYERO! Severus had the chance to get his brother back. He transformed his girlfriend Elika into a frog. Elika also teased Severus too. When Fiyero found out he transformed Elika into her normalself and both of them worked on a potion to ruin Severus's Hair. They snuck up to Severus at the great hall and showted "Oili-toota". That was the most horrifiying expierence of Severus's life..well not actually. After Fiyero graduated he became a well known professor of Herbology all over the world. He married Elika too. But Severus had an even bigger plans for Fiyero. Severus turned to the dark arts. He planned a spell only he could break. Severus turned his brother and his sister-in-law into the most horrifying zomibie ghosts ever. Fiyero and Elika were doomed to wonder the earth at the very farside of the earth! No one knew about this until now! Now you know why Severus Snape is the way he is not because of James Potter but his Brother Fiyero Lousafer Snape!



554   yes so thay went 2 bed that night both of them and sucked eachothers ball s and loved it


555   so if u love sex let me no


556   snape falls off a cliff and dies.hahahahaha 557   snape woke up and noticed that he wa still alive and that he isnt dead all he has is a broken leg and arm. HA! then an army of faires come and reaturn him to hogwarts and drop him on his bed and there he meets a sexy woman named katie harwood and they strip and have sex. 558   jk wat really happends is that when he comes back he sees sirius black and takes out his wand and aims it at sirius and kills him and searces for lupin and hermy to kill them off too because he doent like them except maybe hermy bc a horny b***h and he eventually found them in the great hall and went on a killing spree except have only the slytherns survive.
559   then he went to his room and saw katie lynch and sh ewa on his bed and licking her lips nastily.
" would u like to join me?" she said
" oh yea baby"
snape started to move toward her and she sat up and had him remove her clothing and he stripped down and they both had hot steamy sex and as they started to finish this activity he got off her.
" hope we can have another playdate." he said
"sure anytime" and she left the room leaving snape the happiest man on the world 560   And suddenly for no rhyme or reason, severus was thrust into another random sexual encounter with someone who managed to fit him into one of their personal fantasies. After the assumed to be hot steamy sex, he put on his robes, which had been severely torn by the countless females who had ripped them off in a moment of lust. He then had a post-orgasmic reflection. "Maybe I could actually teach a class if people stopped insisting I have sex with them" 561   eventually he was ya kno really tired of all these ppl were trying to have sex wit him so he decided to go into his bathroom to take a shower and let off some steam. and again there was a sharp knock at the door. and to his horror it was his ex-girlfriend laura! ahhhh!" hey thought u would leave me out of this story forever didnt u?" and...

562   so he then used a steak knife and started stabbing her! her body was then stuffed in a closet and he went to the class with potter in it and he started to take rool call when 563   thunder struck ominously. He realized that, yes, indeed, this story of his life was just as fractured as the one written about Alan Rickman by those other little twats. His thought pattern was broken: a girl in the middle of the classroom had raised her hand.

"Sir, I really don't think your fans like to be called 'twats'"

"Do *not* criticize the way I... criticize... people." Of course, the Gryffindors always had something to say.

As he left class that day, a girl bumped into him. Oh no. As she looked up at him, she got that starry-eyed look....
564   it was hermy and she looked at him think why did he ever get emmited to hogwarts and became a potions teacher. Snape didnt like being stared at by a girl especally an ugly gurl with frizzy hair and he started to walk back and... 565   YOU KNO WAT PPL U NEED TO FIND A GOOD STORY LINE BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET AN ENTERESTING STORY! thankyou 566   it was hermy and she looked up at him and snape started to walk back. he started to smell a cheap perfume. he started to cough and hermy came nearer and snape felt like he was gonna die
567   "the only way to kill this beast is to call ghostbusters!"
he then dailed the ghostbusters headquarters.
"hello this is the ghostbusters headquarters how may we help you?"
" yes i would.. ummm.. are u able to commit murders?"
"why yes we can would u like that?"
"yes i would is that going to cost anything?"
"yup yup $125,566,332 dollars in cash."
"oh great fine come quick! she is getting closer!"
and hermione was getting closer she wanted to corner him and then rape him and stael all his money. snape ran onto the bed and took the covers and threw them over hermione.
"ahhh get this off me, Snape i love u marry me!"
As snape ran to the door the ghostbusters came in and took of what looked like a box. they setted it down and it opend and hermione was sucked into it.
"wait a minute that didnt kill her i want my money back you fuckin lunitic!"
" you said a bad word i am tellin the writer!"
and one of the ghostbuster ppl went to a strange room and talked to the writer and she came into snapes dungon.
when snape looked at her he started to drool her long brown hair her blue eyes( wow i wish i was her dam pertty ppl!) and she said" now snape it is not nice to sware u fall off a cliff now for the time being until someone saves u."
he was then poofed and was hanging on a stick for dear life he then saw a hand it was 568   the same girl! her name was katie harwood and she decided that she didnt want him to fall.
"sry about that." she said shyly
"no..no..that..uhhh..humm."
snape wanted to take her somewhere for he felt like he knew her from somewhere.
"oh no not again"
he was then sucked into another country that country was 569   very far away! He saw Rita Skeeter sitting there on a rock in the middle of the desert with Howard Stern and 570   so he said with his dry lips: 'I will make known my wishes at once'. 571   So he picked up a megaphone and yelled, "I am the Lord of MEGAPHONES! All will hear what I will say!" 572  

hello this is the gecko...and you have just saved money with geico! 573   "Sawg sawg What does that mean Grrrrr" said Snape "Severus!" screamed the others 574   snape jumps out of his chair and welcomes his daughter to his class . snapes daughter has shoulder length black hair like her father and acts like snape as well harry looks at ron and says oh s*#% not another snape family member .
snapes daughter (me lol) turns and looks at harry and ron and says excuse me ur in my seat please move or ill move u , harry and ron move quickly and she takes her place malfoy looks at her and says what house are u in snapes daughter turns slowly with her purple eyes and says what do u think , malfoy say oh ur a slytherine its so overious the temper the hate of harry and ron and of course ur snapes daughter.
later that day snape pulls his daughter out of class and say dont make fun of the less fourtunate just tauture them instead . malfoy walks out of class and hears the news SNAPES DAUGHTER is new head girl and snape is in a good mood malfoy thinks it now a good chance to ask snape if he may ask his daughter out snape may be in a good mood but isnt stupid malfoy got rejected and turned in to a sissy boy that everyone hates

Snapes daughter throws a party and every one in syltherine and griffindore are invitied and thats were she annoced that her new head boy is snape suddenly cut in and says the new head boy is the one the only draco malfoy he returns malfoy to his oringinal form and alows him to go out with his daughter snape was promoted to deffence against the dark arts and sytherine is house of the year due to his daughter winning the hippogrith riding compotion 575   Then Draco was upset cause she was mad. SHE wanted to have Harry Potter not some sissy boy everyone hates.So she dumped him and went out with Harry Potter instead. Harry was VERY suprised and tried to object but she threatened to tell her father that he was being Very naughty so he gave up and went along with her. Now he knew that Snape wouldn't be the happiest parent for his daughter but oh well.. 576  


Haha!
577   mm hmm yes well well well how is this lil site doing, i was here around the time this lil sory started and i wanna c what been up ... unfortunatly can
t really write anything although i wish i could because i've got writer's block:( but i'll try like a sentence:

NEW STORY

Snape found Keito and they fell madly in love again. She then had a kid and so it had to be shit or get off the pot so they got hitched and moved into a nice cottage near the see. They named their kid Hary. THE END 578  

and then snape died boo hoo 579  

NEW STORY

:: revies snape:: Ok once apon a time there was an evil teacher that liked to blame everything bad that happened at the school on a boy named Harry Potter. One day a dragon eats an anomonius child and the evil, but sexy teacher blamed Harry once again. " It was all his... 580   " It was all his fault! That damned boy was there so it had to have been his fault!" Severus Snape growled at the cowering figure that was Harry Potter.
" Now Severus calm down. Just because Harry was present does not mean that he was responsible for the childs demise." Albus said calmly, trying to sooth his potions masters temper before it got out of hand. 581   Professor Snape looks at Dumbledore with the deepest loathing. "I, Dumbledore happen to be the Potion Master at this school. I, the sexy teacher at this school, AM NOT going to let Harry Potter go this time." Severus Snape said through clenched teeth 582   Dumbledore stares at Severus in disbelief. A bemused look creeps unto his face and he ... winks. 583   Dumbledore stares at Severus in disbelief. A bemused look creeps unto his face and he ... winks. 584  

SO then Severus decided it was time to leave this whorehouse *cough* I mean Hogwarts full of mary sues and bitches who obsess with slash and he found a nice box to live in in Diagon Alley. Voldemort came in and he had grown dreads and was hanging out with a posse of Shrunken Heads. (In Jamaican accent) "Where did ya put the biscuits!?" Snape noticed Harry Potter walking by and he made a voice (that one who can make that sounds like a toad when you talk while sucking in a little bit of air?...yeah) "Harry!? What're ya lookin at?....What're ya lookin AAAAAT?" Harry's eyes went wide and he shook his head and ran away screaming something about a Slytherin angel. 585   POPOIPOPOPOPOPOPPOP U SIR ARE A PIP! 586   As Harry's jet black head dissapeared into the midday fog, Severus strolled into Madame Puddifoot's.

Just as he entered the dimly lit room, Severus heard a loud shriek. He looked around, but apparently nobody had even noticed the sound. Severus turned slowly. What he saw behind him was... 587   a great bodly figere dressed in black silk and lace she says "lover tis about time" she comes swooping from behind and they both fall onyo a bed with sati sheets 588   Hermione gazed into his eyes, smiling. "Severus, I loveyo with all my heart and with all my soul. I have important news for you. I am pregnant!" 589   'What!?' Severus yells, not remembering how to breathe.
'Yeah, what will we name them?'
'What! I'm not sticking around you underage hoe! In fact, I don't even remember doing you, maybe it's not my baby!'

And he leaves her in the impatiently.
590   *in the dust 591   and eventually snape meets his old friend katie and says "hey i am now the ruler of hell well in a way but i need to be married and have a child so... 592   "do u think u could help me out u dont need to have sex with me because i am still also from xanth and i am part of the dreaded adult conspirecy and i really really like u severus and it isnt like u have to but..." 593   Just then, the door bursts open and a short, stout man in red and blue striped overalls walks in. "Pizza delivery....who called for hawaiian delight veggie pizza?" Snape quickly jumps out of bed and rushes to the pizza dude. "That would be me!" he exclaims excitedly, taking his Mastercard credit card out of his wallet. "Can't go wrong with veggie burger, ya know? Animal rights all the way! Woohoo!!!!" 594  

Snape began to eagerly devour the pizza. "Want some?" he asked Katie. She studied the pizza for a moment, then said "Why the hell not?

They ate for 3 hours after which they both discovered the pizza had been soaked in some very interesting cocktails. "How about bed now?" Snape slurred. "Why the hell not?" Katie agreed, smashed. 595   as they were about to do there thing katies two brothers and her father came bursting through the closet door " what the hell are u doing didnt i tell u that i ddnt want u with any one!!!" lucifer said outregeously "o daddy dont talk to me now i am smashed and i feel really horny so can u guys just leave please?" 596   Snape had woken up late in the morning.He was about to miss his potions and he said "damn it i am missing my potions class" he sounded very annoyed.
He just arrived for his class and he said "im late sorry class".
Then professor dumbledore came to ask snape if he had any problems with anyone in his class and snape said no and professor dumbledore went.
Then the bell rang and the class walked out and snape was teaching now and he had the same year before but a different class.
After that professor dumbledore ran to snapes classroom and said "could you teach harry potter some more spells please severus" and severus said "ok".
Professor dumbledore said that he was thinking of leaving.
Then there was a new person in harrys year called Jodie Blackham and she developed a crush on snape and she told him.
Then Harry asked her out and she said yes.
But the night before she bedded snape but harry doesnt know and secretly she and snape are in love with eachother. 597   Professor Snape woke up in cold sweat, all of that perverted junk had only been some horrible, possessed nightmare. Snape moved to the edge of his bed and his dream was forgotten. It was before dawn, and he had to prepare for the day's lessons.

Just then there was a knock on his bedroom door. Snape kept whoever it was waiting until he was properly dressed and answered the door. It was none other than Dumbledore, dressed still in his pajamas. Of course, the old fool usually dressed in that manner, thought Snape.

"Headmaster?" questioned Snape dully. Dumbledore smiled,

"Goodmorning, Severus! Sleep well?"

"No, not particularly."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"Will you please get to the point, Headmaster?"

"Yes, yes." said Dumbledore with his eyes twinkling. "I have just had a brilliant idea! Well, you know how Neville Longbottom hasn't been doing very well in his studies, well I have had the idea that you should personally give him extra lessons."

Snape blinked, he had not wanted to hear that right now this early in the morning. His face turned very sour.

"Don't give me that look, Severus. I know you want the children to succeed as much as I." said Dumbledore looking at him from above his glasses in that direct way of his. Snape could not deny it so he simply ignored it.

"When do I begin?" asked Snape curtly.

"Tomorrow after school." said Dumbledore with a mischievous smile.

"I see, you already consulted with the parents and set all this up without my having any choice in the matter." said Snape with his montone voice.

"Of course!" said Dumbledore and winked.

"How postively wonderful." said Snape sarcastically.

"Good, I know I can count on you Severus." said Dumbledore and he bumbled off in his eccentric manner humming some stupid song.

Snape closed his door and locked it. Snape went about preparing himself for the day and there was a stray smirk of amusement always on his face.






598   he noticed a mouse in his house going squeak squeak he picked it up took it in to the kitchen and offered it some cheese CHEESE! Said the mouse in a really deep rumble voice, but before he could take the cheese back the mouse took the cheese with about 3 of his fingers. The dude looked at his fingers and said give them back you horrible nasty fir chomping machine. The end 599   and because i said so snape eventually kew it wasn't the end his missoin in life was to go to the mall in the muggle world and get a girlfriend. 600   While at the mall, Snape decided to get a summer job at M.A.C., because he knew that he would meet a girl there, he also wanted to learn how to do great makeup. 601   Of course, he knew deep down he didn't really want a girlfriend. Actually, he would really prefer to work at the bannana republic or american eagle and get a nice BOYfriend... since he likes guys , people of the same sex as him. and penises.

because he's gay, get it?

(hahaha... ha. ... ha. I'm sorry, forgive me *scuttles out*) 602   I just like spam! I'm collocting junk email... 603   There whice was a girl named Tiffany and she was a student at a school in Saint John a long time ago[about 20 years ago].

The kids said the school was haunted,but she didn't believe the stories.

One day she came to school and went down this really long hall that she didn't even know it was there.She got half way down the hall.She stop and looked behind her.Then she stared to walk again.

But little did she know the was a man following her.She heard the stories about a killer going around the school killing people.

Every knows that the killings were never recorded.She looked behind her the second time and came face to face with the man going around the school.

The next minute she was laying on the floor dead.

Years after that many kids have seen a young girl walking the halls.

I know it's true because I saw her myself.She also said"Hi Britny"and disappered.

I have also seen lots of other ghosts before[In different places and different ghosts. 604  
[continuing off the actual Snape story]

So, one day while working at M.A.C., Snape was doing a girls makeup. She looked very pretty, and Snape decided to ask her out.

"Hello," he said coldly, "I am Severus Snape. Would you like to go out with me?" 605   I just like spam! I'm collocting junk email... 606   The Girl looked at him and smiled. Severus didn't know what to do, whether to run, or just stay there. She got up and turned to him. "Not in this lifetime.." she said walking out. Severus looked at her walking out of the door. He had to have her... but how would he make this work?... 607   Unknown to snape was creature gazing into window.It was a cat, strangly enough every night the cat came into the room where he slept .Then on his birthday he said "Blasted you devil go away." The cat then tranfomed into a eligant young lady with blonde hair and blue eyes she gazed apoun him love.She had blue dress and kissed him passionately unknown to snape this was Dumledore great great grandchild.Her name was "Veronica Dumledore".Snape was not infurated but entranzed her eyes made him under spell.She slept in his bed with him.

Next moroning Snape woke up an thought it was a dream but infact it was reality.She lay against him with his chest against her breast.He thought he was drunk nope just in love.
608   "Serevus my one true love I want you" asked veronica as she gazed apoun him with love."Yet I do not love you it was just a one off plus even if i did love you i would have told every one by now" replied snape in a furious anger."as the new year began all the students rejoined and met each other" Ah here we r again back for another school year and let me introduce you into your new potions teacher Miss Dumbledore while Professor Snape is your new defence against the dark arts.Snape was shocked yet happy.

"Veronica thank you" replied snape who after all these years had wanted to become a defence against the dark arts teacher. "There is more good news im going to have a baby"replied Veronica."What I never even had sex with you or did I?"ponderd snape "You did? Now how am I goign to tell my grandfather?" 609   x ,ldfkl 610   Suddenly, a grand piano landed onto Veronica. Snape blinked twice.
"Hmm," he said. "I hope more authors with the common sense to keep me away from women come. All these bloody Mary-Sues. I'd poison everyone of them if it wern't for their sodding 'sparkly' powers."

"Yes," agreed Dumbledore, who'd just walked in. "If I have another one of these so-called daughters I'm going to join Voldemort."

"That's no use," replied Snape sourly. "I'm a Death Eater and I still get these hormone-filled females writing about groping me. It's enough to make me sick."

After a swig of brandy, which was conveniently on the grand piano, they left, hoping that they'd never have any other females relating or groping them ever again.

The day this happens, is the day we know everything. Never. Poor, poor Snape. 611   Then everyone woke up from a mass hypnotising session and everything was canon again. Including Our Sexy Sev (or OSS for short.) Harry no longer tried to grope him(I'm not sure whether that's been covered already, I skipped the story from, like, 132 onwards. Harry's gay, but he's gay with Draco.) OK.. Now I've sorted that out.. **Grabs Snape and vanishes with him** BYEEEE!!! 612   then everyone wakes up and it was all a dream! 613   snape finds voldemort stunning harry. snape falls on the floor laughing but makes the effort of saving him. 614   And of course because he is a SEX GOD he manages Oh so well. But then hexes him so that he can keep hi dark, mocca latte come aliove, reputation in tact. 615   and then the screaming started... the universe twisted painfully for a minute, then imploded under the weight of the stupidity and bad spelling and grammar. there was nothing left. except snape, cuz he had on his magical t-shirt that allowed him to know and do everything. 616   And then the world went dark. 617   And then it exploded 618   It was at this moment that Snape turned around and found himself in a light purple and brown room. The door said Hermione and he knew that his hearts desire had been fulfilled he could be with Hermione forever thanks to the magic t-shirt of all knowledge and power and she was powerless to do anything about it. 619   You are a total Slytherien!!! Why do you feel sorry for Snape. Most people think I'm like you because I LOATHE Dumbeldore, but I also LOATHE Snape. 620   We sell all kind of brand new Tv set, Ipod, DVD player, Laptops. at a very cheaper price and makers like panasonic, samsung, sony,sharp,mintek,toshiba,and many more available in store. DVD Panasonic DVD-LS5 DVD Player...$150USD, Panasonic DMR-E50S DVD Recorder...$150USD Samsung DVD-L200 DVD Player..... $130USD and many more......................... IPOD Apple iPod nano 2GB Black MP3 Player....$100USD Apple iPod Video 30GB Black MP3 Player...$1oousd Apple iPod Video 30GB Black MP3 Player...$130usd Apple iPod Mini 4GB 18hour battery - Pink MP3 Player...$100usd Apple iPod nano 4GB Black MP3 Player....$130usd and many more................. TELEVISION Panasonic TH-42PD50U Television.....$500USD Panasonic TH-42PX50U Television.....$900USD Panasonic TH-50PX50U Television.....$1000USD Panasonic TH-42PWD6UY Television....$400USD Panasonic TH-42PD25U/P Television...$300USD Panasonic TH-42PHD8UK Television....$400USD Panasonic TH-65PHD7UY Television....$2000USD Pioneer PDP-5050HD Television.......$900USD Panasonic TH-37PX50U Television....$400USD Panasonic TH-42PX500U Television...$700USD Sony KLV-32M1 Television.........$300USD Sony PFM-42V1/S Television.........$400USD Sony KDE-61XBR950 Television......$3000USD Sony KDE-42XBR950 Television......$900USD Sony PFM-42X1/S Television.......$400USD Sony KDE-42XS955 Television......$450USD Sony FWD-50PX1/S Television.....$1000USD Samsung HP-R4252 Television........$410USD Samsung LN-R328W - LCD TV - 32....$400usd Samsung LN-R408D - LCD TV - 40....$700usd Samsung LT-P326W - LCD TV - 32....$550usd Samsung LTM 225W - LCD TV - 22....$400usd Samsung PPM63H3-plasma panel 63...$1000usd Samsung HP-P5071 50-inch 1366X768 HD Plasma TV Ref.....$600usd Samsung HPP5031 - plasma panel - 50...$800usd Pioneer PDP-5050HD Television.......$800USD Sharp 32" Aquos HD-Ready LCD TV....$400usd. and many more............... LAPTOPS Dell Latitude C640 1.8GHz P4 Laptop w/CD-RW..


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la la la la la said snape la la a la la yourself said dumbledore shutup and get back to work you f*****g b******d dim wit you your fired harry your teaching potions now do a good job at it i hope youll be better than this thing (sticks out his tongue at snape and pharts in his face then leaves) 622   this story is stupid i dont like it ruin ruin ruin annie are you going to dancing on tues hope you are cause i hate it without you oh and john you still on for friday cause i am (kiss kiss lol) i hope everyone reads this i am famous yeeeeeeeeeeeey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i luv me lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lo lol lo lol lol lol lo l lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lo lol lo lol lol lol lo l lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lo lol lo lol lol lol lo l lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lo lol lo lol 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623   !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 624   You stupid fucks fucked up the story.
625   story sucks.........................................................................................................................nobody liked it 626   damn this story sucks dick
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628  

Snape rose from the floor and brushed himself off. Slowly he turned to regard the reader.

"As you can see, the writers of this story suffer from many severe psychological maladies. The mere fact that I escaped relatively unscathed is a miracle."

He froze when he felt a pair of arms winding themselves around him.

"Professor. Why don't we go somewhere more private and you can...take out your frustrations on a more willing subject?" Snape recognized the voice as belonging to Hermione Granger. Snape stepped away immediately.

"Miss Granger, I can assure you that if I ever felt the need to 'take out my frustrations' as you so put it, then I would definitely not require your assistance."

He stepped further away from the shocked Hermione. "Potter! Where the hell are you amidst this insanity?"

A head of messy black hair poked itself out of a pile of terrible plot ideas and horrific grammar. "Right here, sir." Harry responded.

"Dig yourself out of that pile and join me in the next room. I have some...frustration I need to sort out."

Harry groaned and struggled to move out of the literary nightmare as Hermione wept bitter tears.

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